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Old 10-07-2012, 12:09 PM   #1
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Men that try to push sports on kids... what do you do?

I'm convinced that the only reason dh cares at all about sports is because it is SOOO important in his dads life. He brought dh to tons of games, made sure to watch EVERY game, if not with dh then they would talk about it later. FIL gets so mad if his team looses or makes a bad play that he flips out and it used to ruin his night (he doesn't get that upset anymore, but still, way more upset then what seems reasonable).
We now live 14 hours away from FIL and the sports teams dh grew up with. We have more important thigns to do than watch sports. I HATE sports, dh has little free time and would rather spend it working on his music now, so it's just not a part of our lives really (thank God). Like, dh will watch maybe 3 full games and listen to parts of/ or get the highlights on a handful of other games. Our kids don't really know anything about sports teams, don't care about the games, don't hear us talk about them.... I mean, sports are a total NON issue in their lives. BUT................ FIL is freaking obssessed with these teams. For Christmas and birthdays we ALL get nothing but sports merchandise (for teams that are 14 hours away from us )
FIL knows how I feel about sports/those teams, I still get merch. FIL knows we don't watch the games anymore, and that dh has many goals for his music. He could give him $ towards somethign that DH would love much more, and would use for useful creative purposes, yet he instead sends merch. The kids, don't give a flip about sports or the teams, yet they get BOMBARDED with merch. Especially ds. It's like FIL feels like the only thing about himself that he can pass on is his love of these teams.

FIL will make statements about the "mass distraction of people as a whole", by news, entertainment, commercialism, etc. I'll add to that about sports and he will AGREE, but still buys into it all. I just don't understand.

So..... my question..... what do I do? Does anyone else know people like this? What do you do?

I literally have a box FULL of new sports merch, probably equal to $250. All bought for the kids in the past year. I hate it, and filter it out as fast as I can, but I know Christmas and birthdays come around again we are doomed to have our house full of that stuff again. And he KNOWS I get rid of it. He spends SO much money on this stuff, just to have me hate it, hide it and get rid of it.

DS knows the name of the sports team (baseball. not the football team names for merch he has), other than that doesn't care a thing for the team, the games etc. But it's special to him because it came from grandpa. Makes me so sad and drives me nuts.

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Old 10-07-2012, 01:04 PM   #2
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Re: Men that try to push sports on kids... what do you do?

Oh man that is tough and sounds like our family! We are not sports people at all. Now our youngest seems to be naturally inclinded to play and we will follow him on that. Thankfully we don't have anyone in our family that is so into it that they buy all that stuff and send it.

It's hard isn't it since it's gifts? :/ I'm wondering if approaching it like "Oh goodness don't you know the boys are so into [x] thing now?? They would love more of that.." Would that work with him?

I admit, when it comes to commercialism there are some things I don't care for but on Disney stuff [the parks and all that] I'm totally sold. That said I wouldn't get people lots of stuff if/when I knew they didn't like it.
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Old 10-07-2012, 04:58 PM   #3
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Re: Men that try to push sports on kids... what do you do?

That is hard, especially since it is coming from grandpa. What does your DH say? Since it is his father, seems like he should be the one to approach it with his dad
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Old 10-07-2012, 05:38 PM   #4
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Re: Men that try to push sports on kids... what do you do?

I would just continue to filter out what I could and let DS keep the things that are meaningful to him. I don't think you have to worry about your son becoming some sort of sports freak but in 50 years he may be glad he has items that he knows meant so much to his grandfather. I am not a sports fan at all but I guess I don't see it as a huge deal? It sucks he's wasting his money but it's his to waste.
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Old 10-07-2012, 05:50 PM   #5
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Eh, my family may send our kids tons of stuff with team logos on it. I don't care, the kids wear them. They don't necessarily know what/who Rice University or the St Louis Cardinals but they know its from Grandpa or Aunt C so they like wearing it. It's not a battle worth picking in my family. I'm not picky about what or kids wear and they don't expect us to spend time watching or being a part of those teams.
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Old 10-07-2012, 06:58 PM   #6
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My oldest DS is a huge sports fan. I'm sure it's from Dh bc I am not. Ds follows the Lakers religiously (and knows many NBA players and their teams and stats) and watches the Cowboys games with Dh who is a HUGE fan. He is also very good at sports and seems to have some talent. Ds2 and ds3 are not interested buy they wear cowboys and lakers jerseys bc that's what we have. The boys grandpa is a Cubs/Bears fan and he sends them shirts and hats and stuff and they love it. It doesn't bother me.
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Old 10-08-2012, 02:40 PM   #7
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Re: Men that try to push sports on kids... what do you do?

Would you feel bad reselling and putting it in the kids savings? Or getting them something they'll enjoy?

We don't do any character merchandise or advertising to kids. Most of our family respects that (or they just know I'll stop at goodwill on our way home, and they don't want to waste money). But our kids do still get toys or clothes from family that go against our ethics now and then. We get rid of them and it really sucks to know that they spent their money on something that the kids won't get to enjoy. I hate that they spend their money that way, but PP is right, it's their money to spend. They know we don't keep the merchandise and there's not much else I can do. They are going to gift the way they choose, and I'm going to do what's right for our family. I do try to return it or resell and get something the kids CAN use, but it's not always worth it, so sometimes it goes to goodwill.
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Old 10-08-2012, 04:21 PM   #8
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Re: Men that try to push sports on kids... what do you do?

Dh has talked to him and he "forgot", because a few months later we received over 15 new items for one team and a couple each for two others. I don't have a problem with reselling or getting rid of. I would rather resell because I know it's worth a lot, and we certainly can put the money towards something else, but I'm not great at making it a priority to get it done, so the items just end up sitting in a box in a closet forever. But I don't like the fact that the kids are receiving it all as gifts. I don't like the constant flow of things coming in and out of the house, I feel like it gives the kids the idea that things come and go easily, when it reality it takes a lot of time to earn the money for those things. Plus it seems like such an impersonal thing... when he knows we don't watch the games or care about the team, and they are constantly given yet another thing with the team logo.... it makes me mad. Why can't he try to give them something THEY like instead of something HE likes?
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Old 10-08-2012, 06:25 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by RainandRedemption
Dh has talked to him and he "forgot", because a few months later we received over 15 new items for one team and a couple each for two others. I don't have a problem with reselling or getting rid of. I would rather resell because I know it's worth a lot, and we certainly can put the money towards something else, but I'm not great at making it a priority to get it done, so the items just end up sitting in a box in a closet forever. But I don't like the fact that the kids are receiving it all as gifts. I don't like the constant flow of things coming in and out of the house, I feel like it gives the kids the idea that things come and go easily, when it reality it takes a lot of time to earn the money for those things. Plus it seems like such an impersonal thing... when he knows we don't watch the games or care about the team, and they are constantly given yet another thing with the team logo.... it makes me mad. Why can't he try to give them something THEY like instead of something HE likes?
Men tend to bond over experiences together. So all of those games that your DH and fil watched together were quality time for them. Gift giving is probably FIL's love language, and the team memorabilia is a nostalgic way for him to recall that bond and try to keep it up.

You've already stated your preferences for other things, and he still buys the team stuff. Oh well. If it's just stuff you don't like or understand I don't think it's worth souring the relationship. If it's becoming a hoarding type issue, let him and the kids and DH know they have a certain limit of "team" related items for each category. Like 2 shirts, 1 stuffed animal or figurine, 1 jacket, etc. Let it be known to all that when a new item comes in, the person who is receiving it chooses which old item gets passed on and how (goodwill, eBay, etc.)
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Old 10-08-2012, 07:30 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BeccaSueCongdon

Men tend to bond over experiences together. So all of those games that your DH and fil watched together were quality time for them. Gift giving is probably FIL's love language, and the team memorabilia is a nostalgic way for him to recall that bond and try to keep it up.

You've already stated your preferences for other things, and he still buys the team stuff. Oh well. If it's just stuff you don't like or understand I don't think it's worth souring the relationship. If it's becoming a hoarding type issue, let him and the kids and DH know they have a certain limit of "team" related items for each category. Like 2 shirts, 1 stuffed animal or figurine, 1 jacket, etc. Let it be known to all that when a new item comes in, the person who is receiving it chooses which old item gets passed on and how (goodwill, eBay, etc.)
I think this is a great suggestion. Also it may be a hometown thing since you guys have moved away (or your DH has?). All people I know from out of town always seem to rep their home teams by wearing merch even if they aren't huge sports fans. Maybe your FIL sees it like that and wants the kids to "know where they come from" or similar thinking. It is very common for people to equate cities with sports teams.
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