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Old 10-07-2012, 01:51 PM   #1
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Do you ever question your spouse/partner?

Not as in, did I marry the right person.

As in, your spouse handles a situation with the kids and you strongly disagree with how it went down. Do you question it?

We all know not to do it in front of the kids (you know, the 'show a united front' thing...) but what about afterward behind a closed door? Is it okay to do? How do they react? If you think it's not okay, how do you handle your feelings?

Not every disagreement is worth discussing IMO. But there are times when I feel something went too far and speak up (privately). Dh does NOT like it and typically gets mad and defensive and feels I'm treating him as less than their other parent. I don't see it this way and I genuinely try to make sure I'm not being aggressive or coming off as judgmental.
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Old 10-07-2012, 02:10 PM   #2
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Re: Do you ever question your spouse/partner?

All the damn time! lol

He usually ends up agreeing with me. His negative reactions to the kids are usually because he's cranky, tired, etc. Then he realizes that he's made a mountain out of a molehill and will apologize to the kids. He did it just this morning. Same with me.
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Old 10-07-2012, 02:19 PM   #3
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All the damn time! lol

He usually ends up agreeing with me. His negative reactions to the kids are usually because he's cranky, tired, etc. Then he realizes that he's made a mountain out of a molehill and will apologize to the kids. He did it just this morning. Same with me.
Dhs overreactions are usually for this reason as well. But he never agrees.
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Old 10-08-2012, 09:12 AM   #4
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Re: Do you ever question your spouse/partner?

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All the damn time! lol

He usually ends up agreeing with me. His negative reactions to the kids are usually because he's cranky, tired, etc. Then he realizes that he's made a mountain out of a molehill and will apologize to the kids. He did it just this morning. Same with me.
yup. this is us.

And he keeps me in check as well.

Neither of us is perfect at parenting and we help each other through the tough moments.

Also, if I see he's getting really flustered and things are escalating when they shouldn't be, or I notice he's handling something really badly, I'll try gently to step in and help (or take over) but I always try to do it in such a way that I am not bull-dozing over him.

And, I make a point to tell him when I think he handled something really well, too. So that it doesn't seem like every time I mention his parenting, it's something negative.
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Old 10-07-2012, 02:13 PM   #5
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Re: Do you ever question your spouse/partner?

I do it all the time, and he does it to me as well.

Typically it's a "you didn't see so-and-so do this before you punished so-and-so."

Or, "You punished so and so but did you see so-and-so was doing it to, and went unpunished?"

Or, if I think he's being too strict, etc. There are many things that I confront him on, mainly because a lot of the time, he doesn't have the WHOLE story, or know EXACTLY what happened.
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Old 10-07-2012, 02:20 PM   #6
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Or, if I think he's being too strict, etc. There are many things that I confront him on, mainly because a lot of the time, he doesn't have the WHOLE story, or know EXACTLY what happened.
How does he react to being criticized?
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Old 10-08-2012, 09:59 AM   #7
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Re: Do you ever question your spouse/partner?

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How does he react to being criticized?
As long as I don't do it in front of the kids (I won't lie, sometimes I jump the gun), he's fine with it. We talk it out, determine what's fair, and go from there.
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Old 10-07-2012, 02:19 PM   #8
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Re: Do you ever question your spouse/partner?

not typically, because he's very sensitive and doesnt take criticism from me very well but also his punishments are usually fair. but if ds1 had plans for awhile and was excited about doing it and for some reason dh decided that he couldnt go as punishment i'd likely suggest something else.
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Old 10-07-2012, 02:22 PM   #9
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not typically, because he's very sensitive and doesnt take criticism from me very well but also his punishments are usually fair. but if ds1 had plans for awhile and was excited about doing it and for some reason dh decided that he couldnt go as punishment i'd likely suggest something else.
And would feel like you were overriding him or would he see your side and back off?
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Old 10-07-2012, 02:35 PM   #10
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Re: Do you ever question your spouse/partner?

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And would feel like you were overriding him or would he see your side and back off?
he backs off. im really sensitive to stuff like that i guess. i dont mind kids having consequences but i dont think its fair for it to be absolutely devastating

he's their stepfather so i think he is more likely to back down in regard to them but i dont think he's typically unfair to them. he gives them plenty of chances
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