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Old 10-24-2012, 08:55 PM   #1
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Totally off topic vent

I completely understand if no one wants to read through my sob story here. I don't want to call my mom at this hour, or bother my hubby after a long day, but I need to vent. If you do read, thanks.

I believe I've mentioned awhile ago that I had a falling-out with a friend about a month or so ago. Long story short: she is super negative, gossipy, and a liar. I began to distance myself from her, and she flipped out on me via text when I announced my pregnancy on FB. She was mad that I didn't tell her first, and said I should have because I was "there" for her when I had my m/c earlier this year. It was unbelievably painful to hear her try to guilt-trip me using my own child's death, and I angrily told her to leave me and my family alone, and she responded by telling me I'm a horrible excuse for a friend and to lose her number. She's one of those sweet as pie girls on the outside, but the moment you cross her, she turns on you. It's never her fault, always everyone else's....it's exhausting, and I'm better off away from her. She's a toxic person.

The wrinkle here is that I live in a small (<40 unit) condo community and she's my neighbor. I'm FB friends with 2 other girls who live here, and it's obvious by their FB posts (and what I see driving in/out of our community) that she's "replaced" me with them. We all knew one another, but we weren't close-just neighbors. Now the 3 of them are all besties. Which, really, is fine. What hurts is that I get an obvious coldness and weirdness from those girls now. I even feel like they're spying on my life in a weird way...like one of them sends me a chatty message with a few neighborly questions, and when I answer and ask her the same sort of "how's life and the fam?" stuff, she never wrote back. It's as though she just wanted answers, not that she really cared or was trying to be friendly. So, I am pretty convinced that my ex-friend has aired all my dirty laundry, and painted me as a terrible person to our neighbors. I'm not perfect, but darn it I'm a good person!

Maybe I'm being stupid and paranoid, but I feel like I'm now the b!tch of the neighborhood. It hurts so much to feel like the other young families hate me...and hurts even more when my kids want to play with their kids, but I'm afraid to even go out there. Like it will be awkward at best, confrontational at best.

I know I could just go out and ignore the giant elephant in the room, but if I can't even FB msg these girls and feel like it's okay, the thought of face to face is nauseating.

And, most of all, I DON'T want to end up gossiping about my gossipy friend. I just don't know how else to clear my name.

All I hold onto is that these girls will see my ex-friend's true colors eventually, and maybe will understand me better someday.

It's all so stupid. I'm hormonal and sad, and feel so alone in my own home. It's horrible. I try to not talk to my DH about it much when I'm extra sad about it (i'm in tears as I type right now) because I know that it makes him feel bad, too. I can escape this horrible place when we sell and move away, but we bought in 2007 and have lost almost half of the condo's value thanks to the economy. We can't afford to sell until the market picks up...and since DH is the breadwinner, I know he feels awful that we just can't afford to leave right now. So, yeah, I don't like crying to him about feeling like an outcast in my neighborhood. He works too hard, and is too much of an amazing husband and father to feel like anything less because the poor guy can't make up an $80k loss in home value over 5 years.

I'm sorry for all this. I need a big old hug, and I need to feel like some people believe that I'm a good person. I know you ladies all barely know me...so maybe I just need to vent and feel like I have a proverbial shoulder to cry on somewhere.
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Old 10-24-2012, 09:09 PM   #2
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Even though I don't know you, you sound like a very good person and my shoulder is available. And congratulations on expecting!
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Old 10-24-2012, 10:03 PM   #3
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Re: Totally off topic vent

Awww Lauren I'm sorry you have to experience this right now-or at all. It is very likely with time the other two women will see you ex-friends true colours but in the mean time I would "try" to go on like she is not affecting you.

Reach out too the other two women and ask for a play date or whatever-if they decline wait a bit and try again. If they decline a second time I would let them go. If they are not mature enough to give you the benifit of the doubt and not get all "high school" about things then they probably are not people you really want to be friends with any ways.

I work at home by myself and I have yet to make friends in our neighbourhood-DH has heard me get emotional about it a few times. I have close girl friends but they live 20-30 minutes away so I usually spend Monday-Friday by myself and it can gets pretty lonely some times.

But I have faith I will connect with some other mother's soon-it's just a matter of time. If these "friends" do not work out you can also do the same-beleive that there are some other nice people out there you will meet soon.

Big hugs-I know it suchs and preggo hormones do not help!
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Old 10-24-2012, 09:49 PM   #4
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Re: Totally off topic vent

i'm sorry you're going through this. i kind of know what how you're feeling though. the way i would handle it is just (you know what) them and take your girls outside. just ignore them and ignore their immaturity and pettiness. if you ignore them and the situation then they will get bored and forget about it too. all they are looking for is getting a rise out of you and hurting you. don't let them. i know it hurts and i would be hurt too and you're more than entitled to your feelings but when you're around them don't show your hurt. does that make sense? also, if their kids are outside playing then take yours out so the kids can play together. hope that helped some.
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Old 10-25-2012, 07:46 PM   #5
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Thanks for the support and advice!

Yes, I really should just go outside with my kids whenever I want. I can't let my neighbors scare me off. I am friendly and wave to them, and do try to be neighborly on FB, so I'm trying to extend the olive branch.

I feel much better today. It's amazing how those hormones can throw a pregnant mama through a loop! I go back and forth between feeling depressed and feeling like, "oh, #^*% them."

This drama is exactly why my closest friends have usually been guys. Girls can be so mean!
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Old 10-25-2012, 09:34 PM   #6
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Re: Totally off topic vent

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Originally Posted by Sunshine915 View Post
Thanks for the support and advice!

Yes, I really should just go outside with my kids whenever I want. I can't let my neighbors scare me off. I am friendly and wave to them, and do try to be neighborly on FB, so I'm trying to extend the olive branch.

I feel much better today. It's amazing how those hormones can throw a pregnant mama through a loop! I go back and forth between feeling depressed and feeling like, "oh, #^*% them."

This drama is exactly why my closest friends have usually been guys. Girls can be so mean!
i totally understand! i only had one girlfriend in high school and i was called a slut and such because all of my friends were guys. i've found out in my adulthood that if i'm friends with ladies that are about 5-10 yrs older than me we're about on the same maturity level. maybe you could give that a try?
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Old 10-26-2012, 04:07 AM   #7
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Re: Totally off topic vent

Have you looked at any meetup groups or other mom groups in your area? I'd just say move on. I'm so sorry.
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Old 10-26-2012, 05:08 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by lilbitcrunchy
Have you looked at any meetup groups or other mom groups in your area? I'd just say move on. I'm so sorry.
Me too. I wouldn't avoid them if the kids want to go out though. Maybe just smile/wave/say hi and move on. No real effort but not rude. I met a great group of ladies in a local Meetup.com mom's group years ago.

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Old 10-26-2012, 08:18 PM   #9
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Yeah, I try to be friendly as much as I can, but I kinda think that looking for real friendships just ain't gonna happen! There is a local mom's group, and my awesome SIL is in it. I almost joined before, but it was all during my miscarriage and I was too emotional then. I might try again!

I totally hear you on the older women, Danielle! I'm lucky to have married the baby of the family, so my SILs are a tad older and they're wonderful. My DH's cousins are great, too. I wish they lived a little closer! We visit regularly at least.

I don't really need a pile of friends. I like my personal space a lot. It's tough feeling alienated, that's all. Phooey on them!
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Old 10-27-2012, 03:46 AM   #10
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Awww. Sorry your having a tough time.
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