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Old 10-25-2012, 10:23 AM   #1
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To gift or not to gift? Semi vent

A little background.

We have 4 kids and my Bil and Sil have 3. Thiers are 11, 10,6
Ours are 7,5,2,10 mos.
we have always given gifts to the kids from the time my oldest niece was born for birthday and Christmas.

Alll along they always had one more child then we did up until our almost 3 yo was born ( his bday is about a month before christmas)
The year that we had even numbers was the year they decided to not exchange christmas gifts for the kids.

I admit it pissed me off a bit but fine. The toys that they got my kids were unsafe dollar store junk ( ie a doll thats head was attached to the body with a zip tie for a 1 yo) It found its way to the garbage quickly.

We still continued to give birthday presents or cards generally spending or giving $20 to each child. All of their kids birthdays are throughout the summer and we gave to each child as normal at birthday diners at my inlaws.


My ODSs birthday is coming up this week. MIL had his birthday dinner last weekend early.

Not even so much as a card!
I am quietly fuming and unsure what to do.

Looking for some perspective.

Last edited by mommy24babes; 10-25-2012 at 10:24 AM.
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Old 10-25-2012, 10:25 AM   #2
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Re: to gift or not to gift? Semi vent

I think your options are to either continue to give their children gifts knowing that they will not reciprocate to yours or stop giving them gifts entirely.
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Old 10-25-2012, 11:33 AM   #3
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Re: to gift or not to gift? Semi vent

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I think your options are to either continue to give their children gifts knowing that they will not reciprocate to yours or stop giving them gifts entirely.
this.

I mean, I know it sounds rude, but I don't think it really is.

My aunts and uncles didn't send me cards for all my birthdays. I wouldn't have expected them to. They didn't call either, it's just not something I think should be expected.

It could be financial - my sister has 4 kids, I have 1. I admit it can be difficult every year. Birthdays and Christmas are a lot.

It could be they're on their own forums talking about how they're trying to minimize toy collection or something and the best way to do this is to request no gift exchanges.
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Old 10-25-2012, 11:57 AM   #4
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It could be they're on their own forums talking about how they're trying to minimize toy collection or something and the best way to do this is torequest no gift exchanges.
This is the crux of what has upset me. They didn't request anything. They let us get birthday gifts for all 3 of their kids but didn't even get a card for mine without warning after 11 years of doing these exchanges.

Its not the lack of gift but I feel a bit duped by the way they went about it.
Like they were trying to decieve us.

We will still at the very least get my niece and nephews a card.
Like I said in a PP their parents actions are not their fault. regardless it is still their special day.

My aunts and uncles never got gifts for me either but this has been the family dynamic for the last 11 years.We all live very close and see eachother frequntly at MILs.
A little heads up would have been nice. My poor DS keeps asking when his real birthday is because he didn't even get a card or any kind of aknowledgment that it was his birthday aside from a card with money from MIL.
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Old 10-25-2012, 10:28 AM   #5
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Re: To gift or not to gift? Semi vent

They are obviously cheap (no gift) and rude (not even a card or acknowledgment or heads up). I understand why you are upset but that wouldnt keep me from finding my own way to celebrate THEIR kids special days. Just because they are cheap or rude, doesnt mean that you have to be.
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Old 10-25-2012, 10:42 AM   #6
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They are obviously cheap (no gift) and rude (not even a card or acknowledgment or heads up). I understand why you are upset but that wouldnt keep me from finding my own way to celebrate THEIR kids special days. Just because they are cheap or rude, doesnt mean that you have to be.

I know this is right they are kids and it's not thier fault about their parents.

It just pisses me off and adds to the long list of frustrations with DHs family.
Starting with the 5 day a week free babysitting they get when I couldnt find someone to help to go to a doctors appointment.

I almost still want to believe that it was a mistake but I know its probably not because they didn't say anything.

Most of the time I could happily disown the whole lot of them.
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Old 10-25-2012, 11:06 AM   #7
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Re: To gift or not to gift? Semi vent

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Originally Posted by doodah View Post
They are obviously cheap (no gift) and rude (not even a card or acknowledgment or heads up). I understand why you are upset but that wouldnt keep me from finding my own way to celebrate THEIR kids special days. Just because they are cheap or rude, doesnt mean that you have to be.
I agree why hurt their kids because they hurt yours that makes you no better. I would keep gifting no kid should be left out because of parent disputes.

I would consider telling them how you feel and that it hurt your little ones feelings.
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Old 10-25-2012, 10:36 AM   #8
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Re: To gift or not to gift? Semi vent

Are they having financial problems? Our family has no idea how tight money is for us. We just tell them we only get gifts for our own kids and don't bother to explain because we really don't think they need to know.
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Old 10-25-2012, 10:49 AM   #9
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Re: To gift or not to gift? Semi vent

I would just approach the topic in a way that's not calling them out, personally, and suggest a card-only tradition. Maybe they're having financial issues or something else is going on.

I personally don't really like gift-giving traditions because it seems like more often than not one family can or will do so much more than another and it results in hurt feelings or negative feelings towards family members.
When my sister started having kids (the first of my siblings) all four of us just had a mutual agreement to stick to cards only for the nieces/nephews birthdays, because at that point we were all in hugely different financial situations, and while it would have been easy peasy for everyone to buy a gift for one of two nieces/nephews... I have 8 and one on the way, and no one is done building their families. Knowing the numbers would keep increasing, we called it from day one. That said, we ALWAYS attend and participate in birthday parties. For us, it's all about the fanfare.
Christmas, we also call truce. We each make a homemade treat of some kind, and bring a plate to everyone for their families, but no store bought gifts.
It works well for us, and then no one has to worry about not being in the financial position to keep up with everyone else.
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Old 10-25-2012, 10:53 AM   #10
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Re: To gift or not to gift? Semi vent

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Are they having financial problems? Our family has no idea how tight money is for us. We just tell them we only get gifts for our own kids and don't bother to explain because we really don't think they need to know.
If they are its of thier own making.

They have 2 decent incomes, a smaller and much cheaper house than ours. Free daycare and MIL gave them $10000 to buy a newer car as she did for us as well to buy out our lease.

They have money to go to concerts, play rep and house league hockey, go to hockey games. All 3 of thier kids have new ipod touches that they were playing with last weekend face timing each other as well as all 3 of thier ds's with a ton of games.

They should be in a much better place financially than we are.

I guess I just feel like they were only up for it when it was a financial gain for them and thats what pisses me off.

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