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Old 12-22-2012, 08:41 PM   #1
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Is my family selfish or just lacking common sense?

So, my 71 year old mother has been recovering from a severe illness over the last 3 months. She was hospitalized twice and is still in a Rehab/Nursing home near my house.

Anyway, taking care of her, her pets, her home, etc. has fallen on me because I live closest to her. My sister (who doesn't have a good relationship with my mom) lives about 7 hours away, but she came over to help and I am grateful. My 2 brothers, as usual, have been useless. My 34-year-old brother lives 2 hours from mom but hasn't visited yet, until today. Keep in mind, mom is constantly bailing him out financially. She defends him and his stupid mistakes all the time (he's the baby), but he hasn't been able to visit even once in 3 months, even when we seriously thought mom was dying!

So, there has been a stomach virus running through the rehab mom is in. She's been sick for the last 2-3 days. As a result, I've not gone to visit mom this week. I'm due in 4 days and I can't imagine the misery of going into labor while sick.

So, I tell my mom and brother that he is welcome to stay at my house, then visit my mom on his last day here, on his way home. I can't have him (or his 4 year old daughter) bringing that virus here! What does he do? He goes to visit mom first thing when he arrives here in town! I told him he can't stay here now. I won't interact with him or his daughter now. He and my mom think I'm overreacting! He said, "It's fine, I'll use hand sanitizer." I know my niece will be hugging on her grandma and then want to come hug on me! Sorry, not risking it this late in the pregnancy game!

I just wanted to rant a little! Seriously wonder if he and mom are that lacking in common sense or just don't care if they get me sick!
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Old 12-22-2012, 08:54 PM   #2
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Probably a little of both. (Hug)
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Old 12-22-2012, 09:06 PM   #3
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Re: Is my family selfish or just lacking common sense?



Good routine hand washing does help a lot to stop the spread of illnesses. I personally do think you are overreacting a bit.

However, being big pregnant myself, and having had three other kids, overreacting and being over-zealous about things that are already irritating or upsetting to you are totally normal for hugely pregnant ladies. It's par for the course and it just comes with the territory.

I am really sorry to hear about your mom, I am sure that is really stressful. And I am sorry your brother is a jerk. It sounds like this is more than just the illness issue. I hope your mom gets better soon, and things start improving.

Last edited by Kiliki; 12-22-2012 at 09:08 PM.
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Old 12-22-2012, 09:52 PM   #4
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Re: Is my family selfish or just lacking common sense?

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Originally Posted by Kiliki View Post
Good routine hand washing does help a lot to stop the spread of illnesses. I personally do think you are overreacting a bit.
I know hand washing can do a lot to stop the spread of illness (I'm a nurse, btw), but why chance it this close to delivery? And clearly hands aren't being washed as well as they should be at the rehab facility, or all of the staff and residents wouldn't have shared this little illness with each other.

If it was just my brother, I would be fine with the hand washing and pretty much just not let him touch me while visiting, but with my niece - No way! I'm certain she has had her hands on everything in my mom's room, in the hallway, in the bathroom, etc. I adore her, but children that age are walking germ dispensers...

And yes, of course, it is more than just this issue. But there is no reason he couldn't have been more respectful of my wishes on this matter - he hasn't bothered to see his mother in 3 months - he couldn't come to my house tonight and then wait until tomorrow to see mom before going home?

I put my foot down and said he had to go stay at mom's house. DH backed me up. I'm okay with being the crazy pregnant lady and DH is okay with being the bad guy. I prefer that role to having diarrhea and the pukes while in labor.

I don't mean this to sound grumpy at you. I really don't. I'm still just annoyed with the family. Thanks for being supportive.
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Last edited by snoggle; 12-22-2012 at 09:55 PM. Reason: I sounded too grumpy!
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Old 12-22-2012, 10:39 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by snoggle

I know hand washing can do a lot to stop the spread of illness (I'm a nurse, btw), but why chance it this close to delivery? And clearly hands aren't being washed as well as they should be at the rehab facility, or all of the staff and residents wouldn't have shared this little illness with each other.

If it was just my brother, I would be fine with the hand washing and pretty much just not let him touch me while visiting, but with my niece - No way! I'm certain she has had her hands on everything in my mom's room, in the hallway, in the bathroom, etc. I adore her, but children that age are walking germ dispensers...

And yes, of course, it is more than just this issue. But there is no reason he couldn't have been more respectful of my wishes on this matter - he hasn't bothered to see his mother in 3 months - he couldn't come to my house tonight and then wait until tomorrow to see mom before going home?

I put my foot down and said he had to go stay at mom's house. DH backed me up. I'm okay with being the crazy pregnant lady and DH is okay with being the bad guy. I prefer that role to having diarrhea and the pukes while in labor.

I don't mean this to sound grumpy at you. I really don't. I'm still just annoyed with the family. Thanks for being supportive.
I'm with you, I would not risk it this close to your delivery. Otherwise I probably wouldn't stand up and say no, but at 9 months pregnant I imagine I would.

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Old 12-22-2012, 10:33 PM   #6
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I totally see where you are coming from. He went against your wishes and went to see her before. I would probably feel the same you would in your situation. BUT if he did not listen and went ahead I would not close my door on them. After all, he hasn't seen your mom in months. I would have made sure they washed their hands really well because that's where most germs are spread.
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Old 12-22-2012, 10:45 PM   #7
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I would feel exactly the same. And I would NOT give in and let him stay there because they all think you're being unreasonable. It is your home and you are almost due with a new baby, you have every right to be unreasonable (even though I don't think you are at all!)
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Old 12-23-2012, 12:50 AM   #8
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I'm with you mama!! It's not worth it to "hopefully" not get sick. He could (should) have waited the overnight and gone in the morning. Especially if you talked about it prior to him coming in the dirt place. I also have a SUPER understanding family so nobody would think anything of it in my family. They would respect my opinion especially being so pregnant. I kind of think they are silly not thinking about the consequences of being ill during labor. Yuck I can't imagine the energy loss of diarrhea and/or throwing up during labor. Not good. Plus bringing a baby into a very germ infested place would not be good either. Anyway, even if you are over-reacting you are doing what is right for your family at this time. Keep your chin up. I think you are doing the right thing.
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Old 12-23-2012, 10:46 AM   #9
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Re: Is my family selfish or just lacking common sense?

Oh the stupid things people do! The other day I had a student who up for his exit interview from my university course with the flu and then wanted to shake my hand! NO THANKS! I do not think you are overreacting at all, I would do and say the same things you have done. I would just hold firm at your choice. Sorry you are going through all of this, it must be really hard. I think it's time for the other family members to step up so you can deliver this baby in peace.
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Old 12-23-2012, 12:33 PM   #10
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Re: Is my family selfish or just lacking common sense?

He would be staying in a hotel if he were my brother, and I definitely wouldn't be seeing them at ALL while they were in town. I would not want to be exposed to whatever mom is carrying, nor would I want to risk my newborn baby's exposure to it. Handwashing does not do anything for things that are passed through the air via coughing, sneezing, etc.
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