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Old 01-17-2013, 05:45 PM   #1
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Toddler prefers dad

My 18 month old son really, really prefers his dad over me. I know I should be glad they have a strong bond, but it absolutely breaks my heart. He cries and cries when it's just me and him and dad leaves. When he's hurt or scared, he wants his dad. I am a loving kind attentive mother, and feel like I'm the one doing very thing for my son- meals, reading books, changing diapers, playing with him. I just don't understand why I'm chopped liver? Anybody else go through this?
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Old 01-17-2013, 06:02 PM   #2
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Re: Toddler prefers dad

It's a phase. When they are babies, they are all about mommy. Then when they hit a certain point of "toddler-hood," they go through a Daddy Phase. I've been through it with all of my boys. My 3 yr old is ALL ABOUT the daddy when dad is home.

You're not a bad mom, and it's not that your toddler doesn't love you. He's just in a phase... it will even out when he gets a little older!



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Old 01-17-2013, 06:36 PM   #3
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Yep, right around 18 months for each of our 3 kids. They want DaDa and that's ok I know it is hard right now but each age and phase brings its own challenges. It'll be ok!
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Old 01-17-2013, 06:45 PM   #4
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Re: Toddler prefers dad

I'm going through the opposite. DD2 is in a mommy 24/7 phase. She tolerates daddy, but wants mommy if I'm in the room and isn't happy with daddy very much. She'll go to no one else but mommy or daddy, and really obviously prefers mommy. It's a phase, and they all go through phases like that. DD1 went through a phase where she was terrified of MIL and Aunt C. The only reason I could ever figure out was they both had kinda wild and crazy white hair going on. But she'd throw an epic fit, crying to the point of hyperventilation and I'd have to whisk her out of the room to calm her down, and then slowly reintroduce her. She eventually grew out of it. He'll be back to happily snuggling you soon mama.
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Old 01-17-2013, 06:57 PM   #5
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That is good to hear. He kind of goes in and out of this. I'm preg and probably haven't been as much fun since daddy will wrestle and roughhouse with him constantly. I feel like he really spoils him- does whatever he asks, feeds him whatever he wants. I just don't believe in letting a toddler run the house. Tonight DH picked DS up from daycare and he wouldn't let me hug him or play with him at all. We finally got to just sitting together on the couch and DH came and picked him up. Drives me nuts he won't help me. I suppose maybe this is a blessing in disguise for when new baby comes. I also worry some of this stems from me having to exclusively pump for the first three months because he couldn't latch. DH always got to feed him because I was constantly cleaning pump parts or pumping. Also I had a c-section and couldn't hold him as much the first few days and DH never put him down. I feel bitter and cheated out of being a mommy.
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Old 01-17-2013, 07:03 PM   #6
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I breastfed my son and he still loves his dad more than anything. We are a one car family and sometimes I have to pick my husband up from work. My son knows that he has to wear a jacket and shoes and get in the car to bring daddy home. So he walks around in a jacket and shoes all day saying car and bye and dada. Dr Sears actually said to expect toddlers to start to gravitate toward their fathers. It's nothing you are doing at all.
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Old 01-17-2013, 07:08 PM   #7
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Re: Toddler prefers dad

I feel you! DBF travels for work and is gone a lot. When he is home DS could care less about me even though I do EVERYTHING with and for him. DBF really babies him though, bc I think he feels guilty about being gone a lot, where as we have a routine and rules bc if not I would go mad. DS will even tell me he "isn't tAlking to me right now" when DBF is home. He is 2.5 and I know it's bc he misses him so much and they play differently then I do but it still stinks. His attitude is like night and day toward me depending on if DBF is home. He won't let me do ANYTHING for him, get him dressed, get him food, put him for a nap, snuggle, etc when DBF is around. Sometimes he even says grumpy mean things to me. DBF is really good about telling him that he can love us both equally and that he needs to treat me nicely no matter who is home. I can't wait for this stage to end!
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Old 01-17-2013, 07:29 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by CaylaEP
I feel you! DBF travels for work and is gone a lot. When he is home DS could care less about me even though I do EVERYTHING with and for him. DBF really babies him though, bc I think he feels guilty about being gone a lot, where as we have a routine and rules bc if not I would go mad. DS will even tell me he "isn't tAlking to me right now" when DBF is home. He is 2.5 and I know it's bc he misses him so much and they play differently then I do but it still stinks. His attitude is like night and day toward me depending on if DBF is home. He won't let me do ANYTHING for him, get him dressed, get him food, put him for a nap, snuggle, etc when DBF is around. Sometimes he even says grumpy mean things to me. DBF is really good about telling him that he can love us both equally and that he needs to treat me nicely no matter who is home. I can't wait for this stage to end!
Yes! That is mine too. We get along great when its just the two of us but then it's like I turn invisible when DH is home.
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Old 01-17-2013, 07:16 PM   #9
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Hehe, yes. I'm a SAHM and my day centers around DD all day long.

DH is the favorite. It hurts my feelings, but I know it's normal. He's novel and rare. He doesn't have to discipline much, he gets to be fun in his 2 hrs a day he sees her.

Normally, they say the child rejects the person they worry least about losing their love. Testing boundaries of love, etc. so, in a way, it's a compliment to know that she knows I will love her anyways.
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Old 01-17-2013, 07:30 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by EmilytheStrange
Normally, they say the child rejects the person they worry least about losing their love. Testing boundaries of love, etc. so, in a way, it's a compliment to know that she knows I will love her anyways.
Love this, must remember it!
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