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Old 02-02-2013, 12:56 PM   #1
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What is considered a larger family!?

I figured this has been discussed before but I couldn't find one sooo..
What do you consider a large family? I'm asking because I'm beginning to feel like a leper around here. Evidently 4 or more kids is suppose to be scary and I should be weeping in a corner. Gosh, if they knew we planned this child I'm sure they would be checking to see if I'm crazy.

We recently moved back home and all the women here at the family church and even family members we are seeing now again keep making the weirdest comments. I've gotten, "Oh dear, aren't you overwhelmed?" to "Wow I hope you have a mini van". What the heck???

To me, personally 4 kids is not a lot and we are not completely closed to the thought of this being our last. We are saying so for now because income wise I think 4 is a good line but dh is starting college again soon. When he is done he will be getting offered much higher paying entry jobs so maybe someday we will. I have no idea what to say to people and I'm a little sad feeling like people are pitying me and not excited with me. I usually laugh and say we are very happy, we aren't stressed or no I don't think this is too much. How do you deal? I'm sure here on the forums we are not considered a big family because I've noticed 4 seems average.
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Old 02-02-2013, 01:10 PM   #2
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Its been discussed a bunch.


I think society sees more than 3 or 4 a lot of kids.

Me personally would be more than 10.

I think our family (9 total) is big but it just doesnt feel big to me or overwhelming etc. but people nearly drop dead when they hear we have 7 kids then continue on with the "dont you know what causes that!?" Questions. Lol
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Old 02-02-2013, 01:10 PM   #3
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Re: What is considered a larger family!?

I agree. I think society thinks of 4 as a lot. We have 4 and one on the way and I hear all of those comments from people, too.
I have friends and a cousin who have 7 children each. I thought that was a lot, but I had all of my cousin's children over the other day and they were great. Dh's mom is one of 11 siblings and my mom is one of 9. Dh and I both have 3 siblings each, so on the "smaller" side compared to our moms' families. We LOVE having 4. I'm busy, but not overwhelmed and my kids all get lots of special attention. Can't wait for #5 to make his appearance.
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Old 02-02-2013, 01:44 PM   #4
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Re: What is considered a larger family!?

I have 4 kids and don't feel like we are a large family at all. We get lots of comments about our families size. For me I think that more than 7 is a large family, but I wonder if people with that many feel like it is not large. I think maybe people get so use to their family size that they don't think it is large. Does that make sense?
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Old 02-02-2013, 05:45 PM   #5
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Re: What is considered a larger family!?

I have 5 kids, and people already look at us like we are a better dressed version of the Duggars
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Old 02-03-2013, 09:18 AM   #6
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Re: What is considered a larger family!?

i think that most of society considers anything over 2 kids (unless you needed the 3rd to get the other gender ) to be large. we have 4 children and i don't feel like it's that many. i get one of 2 reactions when we go out though...either the sweet little old lady who gushes over them and shares that she had at least 4 as well, or i get the 'you've got your hands full' type comments. oh wait...forgot to add the 3rd reaction i've been getting lately. my oldest is in school, so i try to run errands with just the other 3. i've gotten a lot of "oh, you finally got your girl". i giggle to myself at the look on their face when i add that my oldest is a girl and at school
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Old 03-02-2013, 09:05 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by taylor's mom
i think that most of society considers anything over 2 kids (unless you needed the 3rd to get the other gender ) to be large. we have 4 children and i don't feel like it's that many. i get one of 2 reactions when we go out though...either the sweet little old lady who gushes over them and shares that she had at least 4 as well, or i get the 'you've got your hands full' type comments. oh wait...forgot to add the 3rd reaction i've been getting lately. my oldest is in school, so i try to run errands with just the other 3. i've gotten a lot of "oh, you finally got your girl". i giggle to myself at the look on their face when i add that my oldest is a girl and at school
S true! We had 2 boys and the only reason people were marginally ok with our third was because she was a girl. I don't feel like we're a huge family (us and 3 kids) but apparently it's like...a harem or something. I dunno.
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Old 02-04-2013, 09:24 AM   #8
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Re: What is considered a larger family!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by thekuligs View Post
I have 5 kids, and people already look at us like we are a better dressed version of the Duggars
Haha, this is how we feel. When we had 4 people were shocked, but with 5 the looks we get are priceless. I am hoping for #6 someday and I just don't care what people think. They already think we are nuts I have always felt like 5-6 is right on the low end for a large family.
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Old 02-04-2013, 12:26 PM   #9
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Re: What is considered a larger family!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by taylor's mom View Post
i think that most of society considers anything over 2 kids (unless you needed the 3rd to get the other gender ) to be large. we have 4 children and i don't feel like it's that many. i get one of 2 reactions when we go out though...either the sweet little old lady who gushes over them and shares that she had at least 4 as well, or i get the 'you've got your hands full' type comments. oh wait...forgot to add the 3rd reaction i've been getting lately. my oldest is in school, so i try to run errands with just the other 3. i've gotten a lot of "oh, you finally got your girl". i giggle to myself at the look on their face when i add that my oldest is a girl and at school
Exactly! I really think the 2.5 kids, a dog, and a picket fence mindset has permanently set in for most of society. One boy, one girl, and a 3rd if you didn't get your opposite gender the second time. Any more than that and expect the looks, the comments, and the general negative attitude from most people. We had 2 boys first, so when we had number 3, I got the "hopefully you get your girl" nonstop , like somehow we should be disappointed with an otherwise healthy, happy, and amazing little human should it be just "another" boy. We did have a little girl, so imagine the surprise when we had #4. People just didn't understand why. We purposely didn't announce until over half way through the pregnancy, just to limit the amount of stupid we had to hear. Then number 4 was a girl. So now all I get is the "you have the perfect family" speech. 2 boys first to protect their 2 little sisters, yada yada yada. My family would have been perfect with 4 boys, 4 girls, or any mix there of. We are planning to ttc number 5 this fall, and while the opinions and comments of other people should never factor into your personal family planning, that was a big hurdle we had to overcome mentally when making the decision to have another baby, all the negative comments we will get from everyone .

Personally, I don't think a family is large until you outgrow a "traditional" vehicle, once you need a 10 passenger van you have safely crossed into the large family zone But I also think large families are awesome, so I smile every time I see one of those drive by!
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Old 02-05-2013, 08:46 PM   #10
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Re: What is considered a larger family!?

I don't think 4 is all that large (says the mom of 4 and a step-kid she hasn't met yet). In my thought in order to be a large family it should be bigger than the average number the other families my kids spend time with have. I would say half of my friends from the last area we lived in had 4-6 kids, the other half almost all had 2. Therefor large would be, I don't know, maybe 8? That would be enough larger than the median to seem large.

Of course, back home in Mass I have a friend with two girls and is having twins. Of course, her large family is understandable because she didn't have a boy, and I think she recently announced she was having two boys. Since it's twins everyone seems to assume she never planned to have 4. It'll be interesting to see if she has any more! Yet most of my friends back there are just starting to have their first in their 30s. I can't help but think that's got something to do with the perspective too. I know a lot of women who would be put into high risk having babies because of their age so they deliberately choose to have small families. I got pregnant the first time at 21, so I've had a lot more time to grow my family without having to worry about age related health risks as much. In my family there are a lot of health problems after 35, so we're thinking of calling it quits in 3 years, but a lot can happen in that time! My friends? Many of them just think it's too risky.

I think as society starts to think about overpopulation, the perfect nuclear family, and the health risks associated with many families with women starting their families so late in life. It's different when you're starting earlier, but the later in life, the more challenges you're likely to face, or so the medical industry tells us. I'm not sure I always feel they're the most accurate source. Also, if you're a professional career woman taking time off of work, it's hard enough to take time off for one kid. When you start talking about a large family, it's just impractical to try and find the time for it and two parents working high-power careers. I guess I can see where people would find a family more than one, two, or MAYBE three being "large".
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