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Old 02-09-2013, 07:15 PM   #1
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Parenting books

Any good books you'd suggest. I'm at a point were I don't know what/how to handle my kids. My dd attitude is awful. Very bossy, rude ans disrespectful. Ds1 acts like he cannot hear or comprehend what I said. I'm just lost.
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Old 02-09-2013, 07:17 PM   #2
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Re: Parenting books

How to Talk so Your Child Will Listen is one I have liked.
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Old 02-09-2013, 08:53 PM   #3
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I like the 'Parent Effectiveness Training'. It focuses on not making any assumptions on why your kid is acting like whatever way or saying certain things. Teaches you to really hear them
so that they want to talk to you.
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Old 02-09-2013, 09:01 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by EmilytheStrange
I like the 'Parent Effectiveness Training'. It focuses on not making any assumptions on why your kid is acting like whatever way or saying certain things. Teaches you to really hear them
so that they want to talk to you.
I loathed this. For us it was so very disconnecting and our son hated when we spoke to him using the methods.

Ds: playing with a zebra in the sandbox
Me: "your really busy!"
Ds: bouncing the zebra up and down
Me: "you are bouncing that high!"
Ds: looks at me and says "why are you talking like that? Stop it"
Me: "cool. Are you having fun with the zebra?"
Ds: "yep!"



Op, I don't have any advice. Sorry!!
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Old 02-10-2013, 07:31 AM   #5
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I think that you don't use it for everything. But yeah, some methods won't work on all kids.

But it seems to me that parents assume a lot of things and put those feelings on their kids. And because my parents did that, I am adament about not assuming that my child is acting certain ways because she feels things, unless she tells me that's what she's feeling.

More like 'my child dislikes this because of that' when it's possible the child really likes it, but isn't trying for another reason that people just aren't listening to.

Your example reminds me more of other things I've read. And when it comes to observations of playing, I prefer the 'add a detail' type communication.

'you are having fun with the zebra!'
Yeah
'what sounds do zebras makes'
Or
'did you know zebra stripes are on their skin, not just their hair'

Etc etc.

I think of PET more as diagnostic for when something needs to be talked about more seriously.

But anyways
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Old 02-10-2013, 08:28 AM   #6
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We were specifically told to not ask questions. Only state observational statements that did not assume what the child was doing/feeling.

While I think that sometimes children will open up when you address them vaguely and give them more opportunity to talk, I also think it doesn't have to that complicated.

Sorry op, we got off topic. I haven't really read a parenting book since ds1 was born. I think many times if your being attentive physically and emotionally and creating a bond, that will help guide you to parent the way your child needs.
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Old 02-10-2013, 12:08 PM   #7
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Re: Parenting books

I've really enjoyed Kids Are Worth It by Barbara Colorosa
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Old 02-11-2013, 08:16 AM   #8
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I love The New Dare to Discipline by Dr. James Dobson. Extremely practical and well-grounded philosophy for setting boundaries. He's a Christian, so if that bothers you, you might not want to look into his stuff, but I really like what he has to say. Also, Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp is amazing (and relatively short!)
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Old 02-11-2013, 12:52 PM   #9
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Anything by Sally Clarkson is great, also "Playful Parenting" by Lawrence Cohen was a game changer for us.
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