Drinking in your family

[aemarques]

DH drinks all the time. He works four nights on and four off and usually drinks atleast 3. Its not just one or two beers, its atleast 5 vodka drinks Plus sometimes shots and beer. He's a bigger guy so I'd say he gets drunk and occasionally completely **** face wasted. He's not drinking alone, we live in a couldasack and our neighbors like to drink as well. **at night from around 7pm to 2am, not during the day**

This behavior is not normal for me I did not grow up around it and I don't want my daughter growing up around it either. DH did. drinking and "having fun and living life" as he calls it was normal and typical in his house. Although I'm sure not 4 days a week. This is like college drinking.

I brought it up tonight as we are moving and I want to move out of the culdasack to reduce the drinking. And it made me wonder if this is or ever was the norm in your household either now or growing up?

I do not want our daughter around her daddy when he smells of boos and is acting stupid drunk. I don't want this to be her normal. She is 5 months now.

[ktmelody]

. No it is not normal for me. We don't drink, and my parents never drank while raising us.


I wouldn't stay married to a man that drank 3-4 nights a week, drunk or not. (If he didn't get help)

I would suggest looking into AA or alanon for yourself.

[SewGreenBaby]

I grew up with an abusive alcoholic step father and it sucked. Dh drinks 2-3 times a month and before I got pg I'd get drunk with him about once a month. I'm perfectly ok with drinking in moderation and responsibly. 4 nights a week is a lot, IMO. I would ask him to cut back to once a week. Dh drank a lot before we had ds and sometimes got ****faced. I hated it because I always had to take care of him. Once ds came along the binge drinking and crazy nights stopped, luckily. It sounds like your dh handles liquor well and his behavior isn't a problem, just the frequency of drinking. I'd try to point out the drinking can gradually increase into a problem before the drinker knows it and you don't want it to affect it your family.

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[kaydove]

The fact that he gets drunk and is drinking shots, is what's worrying. My DH will have a beer or two several nights a week, but so will I, with dinner. We don't get drunk or even tipsy. Drinking to get drunk, hence the shots, is juvenile and not okay with a baby in the house. I don't have a problem with drinking but I do with getting drunk. If he wants a beer after work, fine, but no vodka shots.

Frame it like this: what if something happens to me and we need to take me to the hospital, who drives if you're drunk? Who watches the baby?

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[Hillargh]

A glass of wine at dinner every night is one thing, being drunk half the week isn't. Ever. Not normal at all. Just because someone isn't a violent or abusive drunk doesn't mean they aren't a drunk. I've known some very pleasant, happy drunks. But they're still alcoholics. What is his stance? Does he defend it? Get angry?

Even more than it being your child's norm, I would worry about his abilities regarding a little baby while inebriated. There are so many what if's (what if he goes to pick her up and drops her, what if he can't help in an emergency, what if there's an accident, etc) and that in conjunction with the lifestyle is worthy of a sit down followed by a game plan.

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[aemarques]

He does get angry and defend it and walk away or change the topic. He is not always a happy drunk and he knows if that side ever shows again we are gone.

I know it's a problem but its hard when 4 of our neighbors are drinking with him. He tends to be the instigator along with 1 other neighbor.

I want it to stop but I don't see that happening where we are.

[aemarques]

When I was pregnant we talked about it once and I dared never bring it up again. He its not having a good time unless he is drinking and it's his wayof relaxing and letting loose cause Ge works so hard he says.

And how dare I deny him that...

Now I don't usually care because I enjoy my time with DD

[SewGreenBaby]

Originally Posted by aemarques When I was pregnant we talked about it once and I dared never bring it up again.

This doesn't sound good. While many dh are dense and don't like to listen, you should be able to voice your concerns without worrying about his reaction. He should be capable of having an adult conversation about it.

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[nana2peach]

Originally Posted by aemarques When I was pregnant we talked about it once and I dared never bring it up again. He its not having a good time unless he is drinking and it's his wayof relaxing and letting loose cause Ge works so hard he says. And how dare I deny him that... Now I don't usually care because I enjoy my time with DD

I didn't read every comment, I got to this one and a bunch of feelings from my childhood came up. My parents drank every. single. night, all day Sunday cuz they were both off work. My sisters and I refered to it as "kinder drinking"... The more they drank the kinder they got...
5pm, "Can I have a dollar?" "No, we don't have extra money"
8pm, "Can I have a dollar?" "I have a 20"
That was the only cool thing I can say besides we could drink all we wanted... It was kinda cool to have your friends over at 15 and your parents offer ya a beer...

THEN reality sets in and my friends can't come over because I have the irresponsible parents.
THEN your parents by a camp on a huge lake... PARTY EVERY WEEKEND... BRING YOUR FRIENDS...
THEN your mom faceplants into the porch on her way to get another one. EMBARRASSMENT!!
THEN your dad flips the boat and your parents almost drowned... You and your friends watch on in horror.
THEN your dad falls in the fire... Friends of course watching.
THEN I have my first child... Go for a visit, cousins are in from up north... Your dad brags he has the cutest grandson, dad leans over to kiss baby, lands ON nursing 2 week old IN my lap... Baby was fine... We got lucky.
THEN you start having your own babies and move an hour away so your kids don't see the drunk grandparents.

My kids grow up seeing my parents maybe once a month... My parents missed out on my kids growing up.

You know what my mom told me a couple days before she died of cancer..."I wish I could change things. I would never started drinking with your dad. I missed my grandkids growing up"

We don't visit my dad but a couple times a year. He's always outback with his beer in one hand, smoke in the other... Nobody to drink with, but he's been drinking almost every night for 30+ years, he will drink himself to death one day...

How long does your daughter's daddy want to be the neighborhood drunk? Cuz I'll tell you this... All the "cool" friends my parents drank with, they have done one of 2 things, grew up or died... Pretty pitiful lifestyle IMHO... Sucks to grow up the kid of the drunks.

Enough said, story told.

[Computermama]

Originally Posted by aemarques Before we were married it was something we did together once a week when friends had Saturday off. So friday was the night to party. Now that his job gives him four days off in a row, his best friend is suddenly seperated from his wife and staying with us (she left him for another rich man) often has numerous days off during the week, our neighbor works two weeks on and two off and the other neighbor is in between jobs. This leave 4 men who like to drink off work for atleast 4 days in a row. This sounds bad like no one has a good job or we live in poverty which is not the case at all. We and all the neighbors make decent money. I think it is mostly his job that has enabled him to drink this way. And also moving into this couldasack where there are other drinkers. He ensured me "it would ofcourse stop when the baby comes" but I think its worse now because his job changed and we moved. I should have jumped on him right when she was born but I was just so happy to have her and spend time with her I wasnt bothered by what he did. Now that shes getting older it needs to stop because this can not will not be normal for her. There's not a lot to do where we live and he often complains he's bored. So I think that's part of the reason where drinking comes in too. I think things will change when we move but if he continues drinking this way more than 2 days in a row I will be talking to him. I just wasnt sure if this was normal for some families and now I see it is not. For him and his family this is normal. Which is why he doesn't understand why I don't like it. He thinks I'm trying to stop his fun and make him miserable and coop him up in the house like I like to be haha. I am very much an introvert

I used to think it was normal. Then I saw that it wasn't. DH and I drink. We have 1-2 drinks per night, MAYBE once or twice a week. And now that I'm nursing I have to REALLY want one, and I limit myself to only 1.

For my parents and my sister, drinking is a big part of their entertainment. If they're out with friends or even in with friends out comes the booze. When I'm with friends, we're doing things that require concentration, so no or minimal booze. I've been drunk precisely once in the last 6 years. My husband had only had 2 drinks, and my MIL was watching DD1, DD2 wasn't here yet. For my parents and sister getting drunk is at least a weekly event, for my father before his surgery, he would drink to passing out in front of the TV nightly. My mother would join him on weekends.

Originally Posted by nana2peach I didn't read every comment, I got to this one and a bunch of feelings from my childhood came up. My parents drank every. single. night, all day Sunday cuz they were both off work. My sisters and I refered to it as "kinder drinking"... The more they drank the kinder they got... 5pm, "Can I have a dollar?" "No, we don't have extra money" 8pm, "Can I have a dollar?" "I have a 20" That was the only cool thing I can say besides we could drink all we wanted... It was kinda cool to have your friends over at 15 and your parents offer ya a beer... THEN reality sets in and my friends can't come over because I have the irresponsible parents. THEN your parents by a camp on a huge lake... PARTY EVERY WEEKEND... BRING YOUR FRIENDS... THEN your mom faceplants into the porch on her way to get another one. EMBARRASSMENT!! THEN your dad flips the boat and your parents almost drowned... You and your friends watch on in horror. THEN your dad falls in the fire... Friends of course watching. THEN I have my first child... Go for a visit, cousins are in from up north... Your dad brags he has the cutest grandson, dad leans over to kiss baby, lands ON nursing 2 week old IN my lap... Baby was fine... We got lucky. THEN you start having your own babies and move an hour away so your kids don't see the drunk grandparents. My kids grow up seeing my parents maybe once a month... My parents missed out on my kids growing up. You know what my mom told me a couple days before she died of cancer..."I wish I could change things. I would never started drinking with your dad. I missed my grandkids growing up" We don't visit my dad but a couple times a year. He's always outback with his beer in one hand, smoke in the other... Nobody to drink with, but he's been drinking almost every night for 30+ years, he will drink himself to death one day... How long does your daughter's daddy want to be the neighborhood drunk? Cuz I'll tell you this... All the "cool" friends my parents drank with, they have done one of 2 things, grew up or died... Pretty pitiful lifestyle IMHO... Sucks to grow up the kid of the drunks. Enough said, story told.

Stories are different, but the feeling is the same. When DD2 was about 2 months old I went ot stay with my parents for a weekend. I had one cooler - I was nursing. Mom had about a bottle and a half of wine, Dad had probably 5-6 drinks, which for most people would be at least half again that number - he mixes them at about half again normal strength. I learned many years ago not to let dad mix me a drink. They didn't get really bad until after DD1 was in bed, and after I put DD2 down, I had to put both my parents to bed. My two biggest fears for my parents were that dad was going to drink himself into alcohol poisoning after mom went to bed and she'd have to find him, or that mom would really hurt herself trying to get to bed, would need real help and be unable to get it, because the only help was passed out on the couch. My parents want to take my girls overnight or for a weekend, and I've put it off. Now that they're dry - and mom won't drink to excess if dad doesn't - that might actually happen, but I'll have to see it in person first, I can't take it on faith. It really does suck having drunks for parents.