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Old 02-15-2013, 01:49 PM   #1
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Is this punishment enough? UPDATE 111

Ds signed my initials in his school planner. Parents are supposed to sign it every day and the kids lose character counters if it isn't signed. (Character counters are given out at the beginning of the week. The kids can lose them for poor behavior or earn more for exceptional behavior. They must have at least 5 at the end of the week to attend the vacation party on Friday. Usually a short video and pop corn.) He didn't bring home his planner yesterday so I didn't sign it. I checked it today and low and behold there are my initials in Thursday's spot. He is writing 100 sentences right now and he lost his sleepover for tonight at his friend's house. I'm also going to email or write the teacher a note so that he will lose the appropriate character counters next week. This is the icing on the cake out of a string of lies this child has told recently. He lies about stupid stuff, like brushing his teeth or telling me there was no mail when he forgot to check so he won't have to go back out to check. I've had it. He is whining and crying about how I ruined his evening. I am steaming. I'm about to tell him to get in his room and lock the door, that this would be a good time to hide from me
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Old 02-15-2013, 01:59 PM   #2
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Re: Is this punishment enough?

How old is he? If he's responding to it I'd say it's good punishment.
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Old 02-15-2013, 02:00 PM   #3
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Re: Is this punishment enough?

How old is he? Is this a first time offense or an ongoing thing?( not white lies, but forgery) Honestly all of that sounds harsh, the crime doesn't really fit the punishment.
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Old 02-15-2013, 02:03 PM   #4
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I don't know. It may be a bit harsh BUT I have a child who is sneaky and also has been lying (also about stupid stuff) and I am at my wits end too so I might do the same. How old is he?
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Old 02-15-2013, 02:04 PM   #5
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Re: Is this punishment enough?

depending on age... i think its too much. and my dad was super strict and i am tough on my kids. i usually pick one punishm ent. not 3
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Old 02-15-2013, 02:05 PM   #6
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I probably wouldn't punish for that. I'd convey to my kid that it was wrong to be sneaky and if he ever forgets his binder again, to just let you know that he signed your initials for you.
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Old 02-15-2013, 02:15 PM   #7
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Re: Is this punishment enough?

He's almost 9. I feel like I really need to do a harsh punishment because he has been lying so much. I've been catching him in lies almost every day. He's writing 100 sentences because last time he only had to do 50 and he doesn't seem to be getting it.

I don't want him to sign my initials. Ever. If I looked at it and forgot to sign, I would feel bad. But I didn't see his planner because he forgot to bring it home. He would have lost 2 character counters and he would not have been able to attend the vacation party. I feel like he is old enough to be responsible for bringing home his planner daily and if he forgets, he should suffer the consequences ie not attend the reward party at the end of the week. I know he did it because he would not have been able to attend the party.

I am really surprised that some folks wouldn't punish at all. I feel like I'm being easy on him.
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Old 02-15-2013, 02:19 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kimb96
He's almost 9. I feel like I really need to do a harsh punishment because he has been lying so much. I've been catching him in lies almost every day. He's writing 100 sentences because last time he only had to do 50 and he doesn't seem to be getting it.

I don't want him to sign my initials. Ever. If I looked at it and forgot to sign, I would feel bad. But I didn't see his planner because he forgot to bring it home. He would have lost 2 character counters and he would not have been able to attend the vacation party. I feel like he is old enough to be responsible for bringing home his planner daily and if he forgets, he should suffer the consequences ie not attend the reward party at the end of the week. I know he did it because he would not have been able to attend the party.

I am really surprised that some folks wouldn't punish at all. I feel like I'm being easy on him.
Yep at that age I think you are on target. I absolutely would have taken away the sleepover.
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Old 02-15-2013, 02:35 PM   #9
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Re: Is this punishment enough?

Quote:
Originally Posted by kimb96 View Post
He's almost 9. I feel like I really need to do a harsh punishment because he has been lying so much. I've been catching him in lies almost every day. He's writing 100 sentences because last time he only had to do 50 and he doesn't seem to be getting it.

I don't want him to sign my initials. Ever. If I looked at it and forgot to sign, I would feel bad. But I didn't see his planner because he forgot to bring it home. He would have lost 2 character counters and he would not have been able to attend the vacation party. I feel like he is old enough to be responsible for bringing home his planner daily and if he forgets, he should suffer the consequences ie not attend the reward party at the end of the week. I know he did it because he would not have been able to attend the party.

I am really surprised that some folks wouldn't punish at all. I feel like I'm being easy on him.
Have you ever forgotten something as an adult?
Obviously lying needs to be addressed, and its just an awful stage that they work through eventually, but the punishment I think would be most effective to prove the point would be to go with him before class or after and have him explain to his teacher, in front of you, what he did. He'll lose his points and not get the party, and that seems like a good consequence for lying.
I wouldn't punish him for forgetting something, it would be hypocritical. My mom always trusted me to sign stuff if I needed too, and I was always honest with her about what I was signing.
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Old 02-15-2013, 02:53 PM   #10
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Re: Is this punishment enough?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tris View Post
Have you ever forgotten something as an adult?
Obviously lying needs to be addressed, and its just an awful stage that they work through eventually, but the punishment I think would be most effective to prove the point would be to go with him before class or after and have him explain to his teacher, in front of you, what he did. He'll lose his points and not get the party, and that seems like a good consequence for lying.
I wouldn't punish him for forgetting something, it would be hypocritical. My mom always trusted me to sign stuff if I needed too, and I was always honest with her about what I was signing.
Yes, but as an adult, if I forget something important, there are consequences too. So if I forgot my badge to get into work I'd be late for work and get written up or whatever.

Now suspend disbelief for a second, pretend I lost my badge and then faked one or used someone else's to avoid the consequences of forgetting my badge. In my line of work that would be a huge security violation and have much bigger consequences than just being late. I could have gotten fired and prosecuted for something like that. I agree that losing the party is a good consequence for forgetting the binder, but I think the bigger issue is the forgery and it is a separate offense. If the OP's son had an understanding with his mom that he could sign stuff for her with her permission that would be different. But he forged her initials in order to avoid the consequences of forgetting the binder. He lied in order to get what he wanted and that is an integrity/character issue.
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