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Old 05-23-2013, 11:19 AM   #1
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Second Wives Club

I was reading an article in TIME about abolishing alimony. There are chapters of the Second Wives Club that are pushing for alimony reform so that they can marry a man who would no longer have to pay alimony. Some legislators are opposed because they are afraid that it will make some women feel they need to stay in the workforce in order to protect themselves in the event of a divorce. One said he felt it took away a parent's ability to stay home and raise children, due to the need to keep a current resume. (paraphrasing)

Some states still have a "fault" divorce that allows for alimony vs a "no-fault" divorce. I don't have all the facts, but based on what I read, seems fine to me. If there is a court found fault, then alimony is due, but a no-fault, maybe not. I've never been divorced, don't have a spouse that pays anything to anyone else, so I am not speaking from any kind of experience.

What do you think?
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Old 05-23-2013, 11:30 AM   #2
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Re: Second Wives Club

The whole notion of paying someone because you cannot stand to be married and living with them any longer seems a bit absurd to me in the first place, from both the partner's perspectives.
Maybe I missed the point of alimony somewhere?
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Old 05-23-2013, 11:31 AM   #3
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Re: Second Wives Club

I think that if the woman has been home raising children full time then there should be alimony for a period of time, probably not forever but if the children are really little or still babies then it's best for her to be home. Also, a women would need some time to find a job and get on her feet. She shouldn't be forced to stay in an abusive or bad marriage because she can't find work. Also I think alimony should be paid if the woman is disabled and unable to work. If there are no children and the woman is healthy then there's no reason why she can't go out and get a job. Of course, for every situation there is always an exception.
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Old 05-23-2013, 12:11 PM   #4
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Re: Second Wives Club

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I think that if the woman has been home raising children full time then there should be alimony for a period of time, probably not forever but if the children are really little or still babies then it's best for her to be home. Also, a women would need some time to find a job and get on her feet. She shouldn't be forced to stay in an abusive or bad marriage because she can't find work. Also I think alimony should be paid if the woman is disabled and unable to work. If there are no children and the woman is healthy then there's no reason why she can't go out and get a job. Of course, for every situation there is always an exception.

Many abusive/controlling exes simply don't pay. They change jobs, don't let anyone know where they are working, change jobs when their wages are garnished, hide wages from self employment endeavors, find jobs where they are paid under the table, drive around on suspended licenses in states that suspend licenses.........
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Old 05-23-2013, 12:28 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by chandni3
I think that if the woman has been home raising children full time then there should be alimony for a period of time, probably not forever but if the children are really little or still babies then it's best for her to be home. Also, a women would need some time to find a job and get on her feet. She shouldn't be forced to stay in an abusive or bad marriage because she can't find work. Also I think alimony should be paid if the woman is disabled and unable to work. If there are no children and the woman is healthy then there's no reason why she can't go out and get a job. Of course, for every situation there is always an exception.
I agree with this. I quit work and took a break from school to stay at home with my boys. If for some reason my DH and I were to get divorced, I would want alimony for a little while so I could continue to care for our boys and graduate school. After graduating school and getting a job, I would not want alimony. I don't think it would be fair for him not to support us while I finished up, since we made a decision that it was best for me to stay home with the kids and I put my career on hold.
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Old 05-23-2013, 11:32 AM   #6
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Re: Second Wives Club

I'm not a fan of alimony, except in more uncommon circumstances. Part of being a grown up is being able to plan for the unforeseeable, be it divorce or the death of a spouse.
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Old 05-23-2013, 11:38 AM   #7
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Re: Second Wives Club

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I'm not a fan of alimony, except in more uncommon circumstances. Part of being a grown up is being able to plan for the unforeseeable, be it divorce or the death of a spouse.
And I would say that most divorces are not a sudden thing!

The American economy is not set up for women to stay home raising children and be financially comfortable. I think it is silly to presume that alimony should be around to fix some of that.
I do not get help to stay home and raise my children. In other countries this would be rather different, but not here in America.
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Old 05-23-2013, 11:38 AM   #8
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I'm on a different side of the fence. My ex-husband was insanely controlling. I wasn't allowed to finish school, work, or leave base. We were 3,000 miles from my family when I left him for good. He burned all of my possessions, kept everything he liked my family gave us, and still kept the pay increase he got for us being married while we were separated for 2yrs. If I had had the means to get a lawyer, I would've wanted alimony.

It was unbelievably hard to start from scratch with nothing and no experience. We had no kids, and I don't believe that should always be a factor. If you become accustomed to living a certain way for years, there should be an adjustment period. I believe it should be situational (if you decided to stay home and then got divorced because you were cheating, I would be pretty annoyed if you wanted alimony from me LOL), but it's not as cut and dry as being an adult.

ETA: I also think it should be reviewed later on. I know some people abuse alimony, and some even purposely don't get remarried to avoid being cut off.

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Old 05-23-2013, 12:57 PM   #9
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Re: Second Wives Club

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I don't believe in alimony.
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Originally Posted by GreenHome Sewing View Post
The whole notion of paying someone because you cannot stand to be married and living with them any longer seems a bit absurd to me in the first place, from both the partner's perspectives.
Maybe I missed the point of alimony somewhere?
I think of the situation I was in, not so long ago... 3 weeks post-partum after a c section, had been a stay-at-home mom for 5 years up until then, taking care of 3 kids. And one day, I find out my DH is cheating on me, and he leaves me for another woman literally the next day. Starts divorce proceedings almost immediately, and we live in a no-fault state.

The PP's that don't believe in alimony... what else should I have done?!

We never ended up divorcing, but I most definitely would have gone for child support AND spousal support, just to get back on my feet after that mess.

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I'm on a different side of the fence. My ex-husband was insanely controlling. I wasn't allowed to finish school, work, or leave base. We were 3,000 miles from my family when I left him for good. He burned all of my possessions, kept everything he liked my family gave us, and still kept the pay increase he got for us being married while we were separated for 2yrs. If I had had the means to get a lawyer, I would've wanted alimony.

It was unbelievably hard to start from scratch with nothing and no experience. We had no kids, and I don't believe that should always be a factor. If you become accustomed to living a certain way for years, there should be an adjustment period. I believe it should be situational (if you decided to stay home and then got divorced because you were cheating, I would be pretty annoyed if you wanted alimony from me LOL), but it's not as cut and dry as being an adult.

ETA: I also think it should be reviewed later on. I know some people abuse alimony, and some even purposely don't get remarried to avoid being cut off.

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Absolutely. It is absolutely TERRIFYING, waking up one day and your husband, your only source of income, your house, half of your possessions, your entire way of life... GONE. I had to go to DSS to apply for Food Stamps carrying my designer bag and nice cell phone and manicured nails and I'm sure every person in there was judging the crap out of me. But I literally had NOTHING.
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Old 05-23-2013, 11:43 AM   #10
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Re: Second Wives Club

I think it is kind of silly. Women can take care of themselves. Why should an ex husband have to support his ex wife? I'm in the mindset right now to never marry though. As I grow older and wiser I may revisit this topic.
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