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Old 08-20-2007, 07:24 AM   #1
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Do you have someone stay with you after the birth?

i'm just wondering if you have someone stay with you, for how long, what types of things they do to help you out?

i did have someone stay with us after the birth of our first, but it was NOT what i imagined it would be. i'm trying to guage if there is anything i can do about that this next time. thanks mamas!

(and just as one quick example of what i'm talking about: i tore through my rectum and the underlying muscles, and was told to only attempt our staircase once per day for at least the first week. my husband went back to classes immediately after we were home from the hospital, so it was only my "helper" and me at home with the baby. there would be days that i didn't eat ANYTHING until my husband came home around 3:00, because i didn't feel like getting out of bed, and yelling down the stairs to request food. and sometimes you just forget to eat you know? if someone isn't offering to help.....you just sort of focus on the baby and forget that you are STARVING.)

ETA: i want to be clear that i wasn't just being lazy by not getting up and getting my own food! recovering from a fourth degree tear is in a class of it's own. it is truly brutal, i really can't even explain. it would not even have been possible for me to walk down the staircase with my baby.
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Last edited by Fither; 08-20-2007 at 07:43 AM.
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Old 08-20-2007, 07:28 AM   #2
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Re: Do you have someone stay with you after the birth?

Well, we lived on our own after DS1 for about a week. I had a c/s so yes I did need help. MIL stayed with me while DH went to work. We found out the place we were renting had major electrical issues so we left that night and only went back to move out. So we have been living w/ IL's since DS1 was born and MIL stays home and is always around to help. It is nice to have someone around, espically with two! I was able to take naps and have help. I didn't have to worry about making meals or any of that. IL's have a big house so we only share the kitchen
I'd say have help only if they won't make things worse. I know my mom's MIL stayed w/ her and provided no help and made things a lot worse!! (not my grandma)
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Old 08-20-2007, 08:56 AM   #3
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Re: Do you have someone stay with you after the birth?

With my dd I had no one stay. Dh is helpful, but I felt great after I had her and was able to do anything I needed. I wasn't tired because I napped when she napped. (the joy of having 1 dc!)

With my ds, I didn't have anyone at first. However when he was 1 week old, I hemmoraged and had to have 2 d&c's. I lost nearly all blood. So, after being in surgery 2 times and having 4 blood transfusions in under 24 hours, my mom came and stayed overnight so dh and I could get some much needed sleep. I felt okay the next day, but dh took a few days off to make sure the 2 kids weren't too much for me.
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Old 08-20-2007, 09:25 AM   #4
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Re: Do you have someone stay with you after the birth?

With DD1 My MIL came out for 3 weeks after we came home from the hospital. She was the BIGGEST help. She would get up with Brooke in the night occasionally so i could sleep. (She was preemie, so I was pumping still), she cooked us all our meals, helped clean, laundry, etc! It was really nice! Although 3 weeks was a little too long! 2 would've been nicer!

I'm hoping she offers to do the same this time, although this time DH will be taking parental leave and won't have to go back to work right away.
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Old 08-20-2007, 09:34 AM   #5
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Re: Do you have someone stay with you after the birth?

My mom stayed with me for 2 weeks. I thought it might be difficult, but she was a real blessing. Usually we tussle after 3 days, but I was so tired and she was so helpful! She cooked and did dishes and every afternoon rocked the baby for a few hours so I could sleep.

My MIL on the other hand, cannot cook a thing (a trait she passed to my DH!) but at least she was an extra pair of hands. She held the baby while I cooked. That was something at least. We only had her here for 5 days when the baby was 5 weeks old so we were already at least in a routine.
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Old 08-20-2007, 07:34 AM   #6
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Re: Do you have someone stay with you after the birth?

I have never had anyone stay with me after the birth of any of my children. Nor have I had much help. DH has went back to work a few days after each birth.
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Old 08-20-2007, 09:36 AM   #7
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Re: Do you have someone stay with you after the birth?

We lived with the IL's when I was preggo with #1, so after he was born...they were there (FIL/MIL). MIL was a lot of help...either holding the baby so I could go pee or just whatever. Then with ds2, we were living on our own and my mom came to visit afterward. I don't remember how long my mom stayed after ds2 was born...but she just helped out in general...with laundry, meals, playing with ds1 or bathing him while I was trying to bf the new baby, etc. My dh wasn't/isn't a lot of help, so it was really nice.
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Old 08-20-2007, 09:41 AM   #8
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Re: Do you have someone stay with you after the birth?

ouchie!

For me, I absolutely positively did not want anyone NEAR my home after the birth of either child. I am very much inclined to overdo things and be cranky and tired but I also want things done MY WAY. I'd stress myself out over someone being in my house doing things their way or trying to do it my way and messing up. I'm too much of a control freak to let someone help like that. However, the hardest things for me during the first month is cooking and housework. I enjoy the laundry and I enjoy the errand-running(though I might not with 3 kids this time!). But the hardest things are cooking and housework because the littlest needs to be held so much and nursed so much. And help with the older kids would be nice. Getting them out at least once a week to burn energy at the playground or doing a fun activity would be REALLY helpful. I'm counting on my in-laws to do that after the baby is born because I can't stand having them in my home messing things up but they are great for hanging out with my kids and giving me a break. That will give me the freedom to wrap the baby or sling the baby and get things done. Sounds like I'm saying they aren't good enough to be in my home. I dont' mean tthat at all, in fact I just mean that I don't want anyone in my home while I'm bleeding like crazy, learning to nurse a newborn all over again, dealing with engorgement and leaks, and the baby blues. I just want to be alone to figure things out by myself.
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Old 08-20-2007, 10:23 AM   #9
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Re: Do you have someone stay with you after the birth?

my MIL is coming Dec 2nd and staying for about a week after the baby is born...that way it will give me some help but i won't feel smothered. She lives 10 hours away though, so i am really looking forward to her visit!
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Old 08-20-2007, 10:41 AM   #10
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Re: Do you have someone stay with you after the birth?

Yeah, a post-partum doula is well worth it.

I've never had anyone stay with me. When I had my first I tore badly too (some say 3rd degree, some say 4th - I tore all the way into my sphincter muscle), so I hear where you're coming from. After he was born, when I left the hospital I went and stayed at my grandma's house for a couple days so that I wouldn't have to climb the stairs to our apartment so soon. J had to go back to work the day after we left the hospital. After 2 nights at grandma's, I went home and was on my own (so about 3-4 days after birth).

As luck would have it, J has always had to go back to work within a couple days of our children's births. So I've always been pretty much on my own from the git go. When Torrin was born (DS3), I did get a week off from watching my niece and nephew - but after that it was all 5 kids in my house 10hrs/day 5 days/week!

All of my recoveries have been easier than my first - by far. I've been ok without the help. After I had Eliana, I was very weak and anemic, but J was working from home at the time so he was able to do all the cooking for everyone and watch the boys. I felt SO spoiled!
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