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Old 12-08-2007, 08:05 PM   #1
jillianh
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MIL help

so my MIL is anti-breastfeeding (not sure why). she is coming up here for Christmas (my FIL too but he doesn't care either way) to see the new baby and celebrate Christmas with us. Anyway she's made some comments in the past about why on earth I would want to breastfeed instead of bottle feeding (which she claims is easier because well everyone can help you). I have told her that it's our decision that DH and I have made the decision after lots of research. So she dropped it but then she brought it up again this past weekend by saying something like oh well at least I'll be able to do a bottle for you at night (she doesn't realize I'm not going to start pumping a whole lot until after they leave and I'm not risking nipple confusion). On top of all of this she believes that she will be holding the baby as much as she wants and that I will be appreciating her interference.

I really don't want to fight with my MIL while she's up here (thankfully she's not staying here at night really unless we need her too) because we get along really well but I just don't know what to do if she tries to exert her "power" while she's here. HELP!!
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Old 12-08-2007, 08:22 PM   #2
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Re: MIL help

Oh boy your MIL sounds like my almost-MIL (I'm engaged lol). She's not anti-breastfeeding, really, but I kept hearing for a couple of months that she did it for the 'important' time, when she was in the hospital w/ the baby. Um, does that mean the REST of the time I breastfeed WON'T be important?
We live on their property, so for about a month she was coming by EVERY DAY and doing things like this: standing at the bottom of my stairs (my house is on top of my garage) and yelling "Are you breastfeeding up there or can I come up?" (NOT something to say to a new mom who is having bf issues!!) and telling me "You know, if he's crying, all you have to do is walk him around and he stops. See?" (not what I wanted to hear when my son kept me up 4 nights in a row and I was recovering from a c-section and had a hard time getting off my bed) and "I heard on the news, that all mothers who don't work and just stay home think 'Good, now I'll get all this stuff done' but then nothing gets done, so don't worry about what the house looks like" (from some one who only cleans their house for holidays...seriously). Among other wonderful gems.
She also expected that I would just hand over my son whenever she wanted to hold him, and actually got mad at me when I told her no! When he was about 6 weeks old she asked me if I held him alot, and I told her, 'yup, all day. He likes it.' She just looked at me and said "I can tell." ?What?
She owns a dairy farm with my SO's dad, and she kept telling me that I should drop the baby off (cuz you know, there's spare boobs lying around just waiting to feed him) and then go do what I wanted. Um, all I wanted was to be with my baby!
I keep hearing now that she's expecting DS will just walk himself over to their house all the time when he gets older (he's only 5 months) and he'll be so dirty I won't want him back. Again, what?
It got to the point of me standing up for myself, and then hearing my almost MIL tell me she wouldn't be stopping by any time soon until I got him on a schedule because I was such a miserable b*tch. Yeah. She's only come over I think once since then. I don't miss her.
Unfortunately, I can just say that you should stand up for yourself and your beliefs, and if your MIL doesn't like it, she can leave. It's your house, your baby, your life. She needs to realize that. And I personally would get a sling or something to carry the baby in and tell them that the baby will scream all day if they aren't in it. Tell her it stresses the baby out when she cries like that. Lie if you need to. Some people don't take hints well.
I definitly feel for you! I don't get why other people still think they know better how to care for our babies then we do! Good luck!
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Old 12-08-2007, 08:27 PM   #3
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Re: MIL help

Boy oh boy. I hope you have a sling, and know how to use it! I'd just hoard your LO away from your MIL and balls to what she thinks about it. As for the nursing- it's your baby, your body, you can do what you want with them. Maybe after spending some time with y'all, she'll come to realize how incredibly easy nursing truly is.

Posts like this make me very thankful to have an amazing MIL. I wish everyone could have my experience
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Old 12-08-2007, 08:32 PM   #4
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Re: MIL help

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Originally Posted by mum2James&Bean View Post
Boy oh boy. I hope you have a sling, and know how to use it! I'd just hoard your LO away from your MIL and balls to what she thinks about it. As for the nursing- it's your baby, your body, you can do what you want with them. Maybe after spending some time with y'all, she'll come to realize how incredibly easy nursing truly is.

Posts like this make me very thankful to have an amazing MIL. I wish everyone could have my experience
I've got a sling (a moby to be exact). I think I am going to figure out how to wrap it on me tomorrow. My MIL is normally really awesome and I get along great with her but things like this just frustrate me because she is insistent on the fact that according to her "bottles are easier". I was like can't get much easier than popping her on my boob and then I laughed. I really hope she comes to terms with it after she is up here.

Clarientb--I think I am going to have her help out with things like cleaning up around the house (she's anal retentive about that) and that sort of thing.
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Old 12-08-2007, 08:41 PM   #5
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Clarientb--I think I am going to have her help out with things like cleaning up around the house (she's anal retentive about that) and that sort of thing.
Even better yet Some people are hard to ask to help with the cleaning
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Old 12-08-2007, 08:58 PM   #6
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Re: MIL help

I know exactly exactly what you mean.
My MIL is the same way. When I had my DD she kind of made fun of me in a way for BF said how was she gonna keep her over night? Uh your not!
I don't feel the need to be away from my kids. I could use some help it is harder with my twins but sometimes the help isn't really help and I'd just rather do it myself than deal with being annoyed. The " I can't wait til he gets old enough to walk over here" That was us a couple years ago. I lived on my inlaws land also and if we didn't move my mil would have my dd convinced to move out and stay with her. I love her to death my mil but she just trys to control the situation to much. I can have everything I need right there beside me and she'll still be like can I get you such and such and I'm like I have it right here. I'll try to do something and she kindof tries to take it from me and do it not like a lay back and let me do it but a pushing way of tring to think of what I need before I do. When I do suggest things she still doe what she wants like I didn't jsut say something to her. I love the wrap idea my problem is I have two. I hope things do work out for you. And I would suggest let her know how you feel but I'm not one to stand up for myself and like another mama said than your mil's mad at you for being truthful. And just want to say my mil's most common and the words that I hate her to say is "Is it feeding time?" Any time the boys cry she asks that. Not every time they cry are the hungry. And yes she's one that thinks they can't cry even for a moment. One time I said they are tired please let them be they were in there swing. I left the room and she got one out and was rocking him.Also here latley they start crying on her and she's like here MAma or Dadfy I can't get him to quit. You want him but if he cries you give him back they are babies they cry. Anyways good luck to you I do feel for you
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Old 12-08-2007, 08:24 PM   #7
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Re: MIL help

"thanks for the help but we have it covered" *Smile* Take baby.

The end.

I'm not one for explinations with anyone who questions my choices.
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Old 12-08-2007, 08:25 PM   #8
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Re: MIL help

Thank you! DH is pretty good about standing up for me, I am just dreading it as it gets closer and closer to her coming up. I am just trying to not stress because I want this baby to get here and I've read that stress can delay labor.
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Old 12-08-2007, 08:28 PM   #9
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Re: MIL help

Just be prepared to stick to it and ignore any comments - both you and your husband!

Maybe have things she can help do? How is she with diapers? Sometimes it works if you can give the baby to her to help do something specific if you don't her interfering with other things or if she can't be involved with other things (like feeding the baby). It might depend on her personality whether it would work or not.
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Old 12-08-2007, 08:35 PM   #10
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Re: MIL help

My mom didn't/still doesn't under bf. She didn't bf us and I don't think she knew anyone who did.

I did make sure I had some milk in a bottle for to feed the baby....grandmas do like that (but my baby wasn't a newborn).

She was amazed that I froze the milk! I love my mom...drives me CRAZY but love her!
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