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Old 05-15-2006, 08:07 PM   #1
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Vent about MIL

Why is it that my mil thinks I am doing myself and my dd an injustice because I don't give her a bottle? I don't understand it. Do I tell her what an "injustice" it was that she didn't nurse her sons (no I don't)! I just find it VERY irritating when people judge you for your choices? I might disagree with someone's choices; but I would NEVER criticize them for doing what they feel is best for them/their child! I have just bitten my tongue thus far; but I am really fed up with her lately. Can someone give me a polite reply to her, so that I don't really get myself into trouble? I want to say something like, "She is NOT BOTTLE FED, get over it!" But, I think that is a little strong,
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Old 05-15-2006, 08:12 PM   #2
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Re: Vent about MIL

"Breastmilk is far superior to any man-made formula. BM provides so many nutrients and antibodies for the baby that cannot be duplicated in formula, including 160 fatty acids. By providing her with BM, I am giving her greater protection against asthma, obesity, diabetes, cancer, pneumonia and ear infections. Not to mention all the chemical and bacterial contaminants present in formula."

You can just flat out ask her: Why do you want me to give her a bottle? and see what she says.
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Old 05-15-2006, 08:43 PM   #3
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Re: Vent about MIL

Look puzzled and say "Why on earth would I give her an inferior food from an inferior container?". Look at her with the expectation that she'll give a rational answer. Try not to smirk when she stammers.

Or simply "Why on earth would I do that?". Wait for an answer. If she answers with "So you can have some time alone....so DD can stay with others so you can have a break (which is probably the REAL issue....she wants the baby for a while without Mommy)...so baby can learn independence", say "Childhood is too short. We're not in a hurry". Smile.

Or, if you can be in a situation where there are several people around, including your MIL, make it a point to be in a conversation about your baby with someone else so your MIL can hear. Make a general statement about how you just don't understand why anyone who didn't physically have to would choose not to breastfeed, and how using bottles doesn't allow a child's mouth/teeth/palate to develop properly. Say how proud you are of yourself for taking on the challenge, and how sad you are for friends who get flack from family because they don't give bottles. Say it all in sincere tones.
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Old 05-15-2006, 08:45 PM   #4
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Re: Vent about MIL

Oh, I got that too, from MIL - she felt like she was missing out b/c she didn't get to feed him. No - I thought - you are missing out because you never come see him! BUT that's another story.


Even now, she doesn't understand why I won't wean so he can come stay at her house - um NO WAY IN H*LL is that gonna happen!
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Old 05-15-2006, 09:41 PM   #5
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Re: Vent about MIL

Quote:
Originally Posted by stephdpn
Oh, I got that too, from MIL - she felt like she was missing out b/c she didn't get to feed him. No - I thought - you are missing out because you never come see him! BUT that's another story.


Even now, she doesn't understand why I won't wean so he can come stay at her house - um NO WAY IN H*LL is that gonna happen!
My SIL wants me to wean so we can go out to the movies together again!
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Old 05-16-2006, 07:41 AM   #6
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Re: Vent about MIL

She isn't so hung up about the formula thing, it is that I don't get to "get away" since she is "always nursing". I also make the mistake of complaining to her sometimes that I don't have a life and I guess it just fuels her fire. She doesn't seem to understand that, yeah I complain sometimes, BUT I WOULDN'T CHANGE IT FOR THE WORLD. I just have to learn to keep my mouth shut around her. Also, she thinks it is terrible that dh and I don't get to go out by ourselves. She dropped her kids off at the grandparents' house once a week for datenight so she thinks we should do the same. I was complaining to her recently that dh has never taken the two kids anywhere by himself and she said, "You know, sometime after the kids are asleep you should just go to the grocery store all by yourself." I said, "Oh, no I love taking my kids with me places, I just don't want to be criticized or advized by someone who doesn't." I'm still not sure if she got it or not. I honestly can't imagine going to the store by myself, it just wouldn't be as much fun.

I also told her once, when she asked me when I was going to wean dd, that I didn't have the chance to nurse Emily (my dd I lost) and I planned on enjoying nursing Caitlyn as long as she wanted. I think that really go her goat.
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Old 05-16-2006, 08:16 AM   #7
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Re: Vent about MIL

Stay strong and continue to stand your ground! I have the same problem, but with my own mother. Ironically, my MIL is the supportive one. Ppl criticize things that are foreign to them. I know that my mom gives me a hard time because she does not understand the amazing bond that dd and I have cultivated as a result of bf. I just do not see why they think feeding with a bottle is their only way the connect with their grandchild. There are numerous other activities which babies enjoy to allow them to build a relationship. My mom even goes as far as purchasing every type of bottle on the market in hopes that my dd will take one so that she can fed her. Dd gets so upset each and every time she attempts it, but she is determined to get her to take one. I am hoping that eventually she will just give up.
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Old 05-19-2006, 07:16 PM   #8
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Re: Vent about MIL

how about this?




What if I Want to Wean My Baby?
by Diane Wiessinger, MS, IBCLC




Breastfeeding your baby for even a day is the best baby gift you can give. Breastfeeding is almost always the best choice for your baby. If it doesn't seem like the best choice for you right now, these guidelines may help.

IF YOU NURSE YOUR BABY FOR JUST A FEW DAYS, he will have received your colostrum, or early milk. By providing antibodies and the food his brand-new body expects, nursing gives your baby his first - and easiest - "immunization" and helps get his digestive system going smoothly. Breastfeeding is how your baby expects to start, and helps your own body recover from the birth. Why not use your time in the hospital to prepare your baby for life through the gift of nursing?

IF YOU NURSE YOUR BABY FOR FOUR TO SIX WEEKS, you will have eased him through the most critical part of his infancy. Newborns who are not breastfed are much more likely to get sick or be hospitalized, and have many more digestive problems than breastfed babies. After 4 to 6 weeks, you'll probably have worked through any early nursing concerns, too. Make a serious goal of nursing for a month, call La Leche League or a Lactation Consultant if you have any questions, and you'll be in a better position to decide whether continued breastfeeding is for you.

IF YOU NURSE YOUR BABY FOR 3 OR 4 MONTHS, her digestive system will have matured a great deal, and she will be much better able to tolerate the foreign substances in commercial formulas. If there is a family history of allergies, though, you will greatly reduce her risk by waiting a few more months before adding anything at all to her diet of breastmilk. And giving nothing but your milk for the first four months gives strong protection against ear infections for a whole year.

IF YOU NURSE YOUR BABY FOR 6 MONTHS, she will be much less likely to suffer an allergic reaction to formula or other foods. At this point, her body is probably ready to tackle some other foods, whether or not you wean. Nursing for at least 6 months helps ensure better health throughout your baby's first year of life, and reduces your own risk of breast cancer. Nursing for 6 months or more may greatly reduce your little one's risk of ear infections and childhood cancers. And exclusive, frequent breastfeeding during the first 6 months, if your periods have not returned, provides 98% effective contraception.

IF YOU NURSE YOUR BABY FOR 9 MONTHS, you will have seen him through the fastest and most important brain and body development of his life on the food that was designed for him - your milk. You may even notice that he is more alert and more active than babies who did not have the benefit of their mother's milk. Weaning may be fairly easy at this age... but then, so is nursing! If you want to avoid weaning this early, be sure you've been available to nurse for comfort as well as just for food.

IF YOU NURSE YOUR BABY FOR A YEAR, you can avoid the expense and bother of formula. Her one-year-old body can probably handle most of the table foods your family enjoys. Many of the health benefits this year of nursing has given your child will last her whole life. She will have a stronger immune system, for instance, and will be much less likely to need orthodontia or speech therapy. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends nursing for at least a year, to help ensure normal nutrition and health for your baby.

IF YOU NURSE YOUR BABY FOR 18 MONTHS, you will have continued to provide your baby's normal nutrition and protection against illness at a time when illness is common in other babies. Your baby is probably well started on table foods, too. He has had time to form a solid bond with you - a healthy starting point for his growing independence. And he is old enough that you and he can work together on the weaning process, at a pace that he can handle. A former U.S. Surgeon General said, "It is the lucky baby... that nurses to age two."

IF YOUR CHILD WEANS WHEN SHE IS READY, you can feel confident that you have met your baby's physical and emotional needs in a very normal, healthy way. In cultures where there is no pressure to wean, children tend to nurse for at least two years. The World Health Organization and UNICEF strongly encourage breastfeeding through toddlerhood: "Breastmilk is an important source of energy and protein, and helps to protect against disease during the child's second year of life."(1) Our biology seems geared to a weaning age of between 2 1/2 and 7 years(2), and it just makes sense to build our children's bones from the milk that was designed to build them.

Your milk provides antibodies and other protective substances as long as you continue nursing, and families of nursing toddlers often find that their medical bills are lower than their neighbors' for years to come. Mothers who have nursed longterm have a still lower risk of developing breast cancer. Children who were nursed longterm tend to be very secure, and are less likely to suck their thumbs or carry a blanket.

Nursing can help ease both of you through the tears, tantrums, and tumbles that come with early childhood, and helps ensure that any illnesses are milder and easier to deal with. It's an all-purpose mothering tool you won't want to be without! Don't worry that your child will nurse forever. All children stop eventually, no matter what you do, and there are more nursing toddlers around than you might guess.

Whether you nurse for a day or for several years, the decision to nurse your child is one you need never regret. And whenever weaning takes place, remember that it is a big step for both of you. If you choose to wean before your child is ready, be sure to do it gradually, and with love.
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Old 05-19-2006, 07:55 PM   #9
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Re: Vent about MIL

Thanks, I needed that. Feeling the need for a little boost today and that did it!
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