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Old 02-26-2009, 06:49 PM   #1
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Does it annoy you?

When people ask if you used fertility treatments to conceive your multiples? We didn't, but I get asked it all the time, by complete strangers even. I have nothing against using fertility treatments, but it just seems like such a personal question for people to be asking.
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Old 02-27-2009, 05:37 PM   #2
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Re: Does it annoy you?

it IS a personal question. we did actually use fertility treatments, but surprisingly i can't remember anyone asking me that question, or the related but even more rude--are they 'natural'. what i get most is "were you surprised?" to which i reply "No, we kind of expected it, since we were using fertility treatments".
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Old 03-06-2009, 10:17 PM   #3
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Re: Does it annoy you?

We got it a lot. We did use fertility treatments, but for some reason that question doesn't bother me. It's the did you breastfeed questions, or the you must be done now questions. I don't know why people ask such things , I would never ask a stranger any of the questions we have been asked.

We also get asked a lot if twins run in the family. I answer yes only because I have two other sets of twins in my family and strangers don't need to know everything.

How about the question, "Are they identical?" I have a boy and a girl and people that ask that question just drive me NUTS!
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Old 03-07-2009, 01:50 AM   #4
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Re: Does it annoy you?

I guess I just feel like a freakshow whenever we go out and I get tired of all the questions. It seems like it takes me twice as long as it should to go anywhere because we always get stopped.
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Old 03-07-2009, 06:43 AM   #5
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Re: Does it annoy you?

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I guess I just feel like a freakshow whenever we go out and I get tired of all the questions. It seems like it takes me twice as long as it should to go anywhere because we always get stopped.
I felt the same way when mine were newborns and infants. It really does get better as they get older. I still get comments all the time, but not like before. Oh and I learned to keep them covered with blankets and not be willing to lift the blanket to show people the babies. People lose interest faster if they can't actually see the babies.

I get the "are they natural?" or "did you use infertility treatments?" all the time. It really does bother me. It feels like people think my twins don't count or aren't as "special" because we used IVF. I still had to carry twins, birth twins and now raise twins. Plus, I had to go through years of infertility and then give myself shots and have invasive procedures done to get them. I'd say they are pretty special. I really don't care who knows I had IVF, but I like to be in control of who I tell. Unless I outright lie, it's almost impossible not to tell someone I had infetility treatments when they ask. If I say I don't want to answer or that it's personal, I obviously did and if I do answer, I have to say yes since I'm not going to lie. I have been known to say, "why do you ask?" instead of answering. When people ask if they run in our family, I just say, "they do now." or "no, we just got lucky." Those two answers generally keep them from asking anymore questions. When I answer "no, they don't," then I get the continuation question of "are they natural?" or "did you use infertility treatment?" I try to remember people aren't trying to be rude, but it's still very annoying to me.
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Old 03-07-2009, 11:12 PM   #6
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Re: Does it annoy you?

I got asked this all the time and it really annoys me. We did use fertility treatments and I'm not ashamed of what we did by any means, but I don't think it's a random stranger's business. I don't ask them how they conceived their singleton, so I don't see why having twins changes that.

I also get sick of the "double trouble" and "you have your hands full" comments. I'd much rather have strangers make more positive comments, like commenting on how lucky or blessed we are rather than saying we're in for double the trouble.
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Old 03-08-2009, 03:50 PM   #7
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Re: Does it annoy you?

I got that question sooooo many times when I was pregnant, though not as often now. I think it's incredibly rude and annoying. I would never ask someone else how they conceived their children. I don't like the implication of it, either.

Someone also once asked me if I wished one of them was a girl. Like boy/girl twins are better, too. So I guess my same-sex, assisted twins are the bottom of the barrel.

We just switched to a side-by-side stroller, and we get stopped so much more now that people immediately realize their twins. If you want to fly under the radar, keep them in a tandem stroller for as long as possible.
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Old 03-08-2009, 05:40 PM   #8
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Someone also once asked me if I wished one of them was a girl. Like boy/girl twins are better, too. So I guess my same-sex, assisted twins are the bottom of the barrel.
I've thought this, too - that people think boy/girl twins are best. Several people have said things like "your poor husband" when they find out both of mine are girls.
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Old 03-09-2009, 04:39 AM   #9
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I've thought this, too - that people think boy/girl twins are best. Several people have said things like "your poor husband" when they find out both of mine are girls.
I used to chat on a multiples forum, but I stopped because every time a new mama found out she was having b/g twins, it was 'boy/girl twins are the best!" Huh? There's a good, better, best? Who knew? Here I thought I was incredibly fortunate to have not one, but two beautiful, healthy babies, no matter what sex or how I conceived them.
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Old 03-18-2009, 01:11 PM   #10
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Re: Does it annoy you?

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I also get sick of the "double trouble" and "you have your hands full" comments. I'd much rather have strangers make more positive comments, like commenting on how lucky or blessed we are rather than saying we're in for double the trouble.
This one still gets to me. Maybe their kids were "trouble", but I feel nothing but blessed with mine.

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Someone also once asked me if I wished one of them was a girl. Like boy/girl twins are better, too. So I guess my same-sex, assisted twins are the bottom of the barrel.
When I was pg with my boys I met two other mama's pg with twins (we first "met" on an IF support website). We all had our babies within 4 months and would often go out together when we were on mat leave (now there's a situation with lots of stares and questions). Two of us had b/b twins and the other mama had b/g twins. You wouldn't believe how many people stopped us and told Tara that she was the lucky one. What?!

birdseye ~ Good luck! IF is extrememly difficult and noone can understand that unless they've gone through it. No matter how are children come to us, they are all blessings. Don't let other people's opinions bother you.
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