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Old 06-16-2009, 08:14 PM   #1
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PSA: Give people a chance before you judge them

Don't be so quick to judge - you never know what the family is actually trying to overcome and deal with...

To the rude/judgmental daddy at the park: We're on day #3 of a high for my 6 year old son. While he has no direct diagnosis, he is on the autism spectrum, he has prenatal exposure (FAE), he witnessed horrific tragedies as a toddler (PTSD), is realistically and probably bi-polar and HE IS A CHILD.

His behaviors/functioning/social graces/stemming all sway to a beat. It is not my beat, nor anyone else's - it is his own. I wish I could control the beat - oh, you have no idea how I wish I could. Your child sits and plays so well, so quiet, so organized. Mine does not (none of the four do really). Especially him.

He's a sweet boy, so caring and loving; especially to those smaller than he. His eyes tell a story inconceivable to you and me. Did you take any time to look into his eyes?

Yet, though I love this child more than earth itself, I often catch myself wishing I could tatoo my forehead or put a shirt on him telling our story. For the quick judgement of others is harsh and demeaning for our whole family. Why on earth should I feel the need to announce why my child is acting the way he is? Why do I feel like I'm being judged based on something I never even had the *chance* to control?

It is not this 6 year old boys fault, and if only strangers could know where he's been. Noone ever thought he could function the way he does now and just look at him! I pray every day that a year from now, I'll be able to say the same thing comparing then to today. He will improve. My child will continue to blossom and grow. He holds so much promise for the future - I wish others would stop and just look in his eyes for I bet they could see it.

Bad days are bad, and bad days usually come in 4's and 5's in a row. During these times we alter our lives, we don't go in public as much - we keep to ourselves more. I silently cope with the chaos that is booming (or vocalizing and running around all over the place) waiting for it to end.

Yes, my child 'roared' at yours at the park. Yes, he threw the football at the big kid whom he was playing with. He didn't hurt him and he was told to stop. He was given a time-out and then another chance to play. Yes, then he ran around roaring even more.

I am not an inattentive parent, quite the opposite in fact - but in case you didn't notice there are four of them and one of me. And I refuse to live like hermits and keep my children inside and out of the public view. He will go to the store, he will go to the park, he WILL PLAY WITH YOUR CHILD - and its ok. Yes, he does odd things, he makes odd noises, but he is still a child and still worth everything yours is. The park was also created just for him as it was for yours.

Your simple comment and the look in YOUR eyes, dear fellow parent, made my already difficult day/week even worse. That simple look made me feel that much more alienated from the world I wish I had, the world I wish I could somehow give my children, the world I'm trying to teach him to function in.

Maybe next time before you give that look or make a snarky comment, you could come over and talk to me, because then you might just be amazed at the fact that that 6 year old little boy is even at the park, is even with a family and not a group home. And instead of leaving the park annoyed at the world (and all of its 'ill-suited parents') you could leave the park thankful for the family you have and appreciate of those around you.
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Old 06-16-2009, 08:20 PM   #2
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Re: PSA: Give people a chance before you judge them

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Old 06-16-2009, 08:22 PM   #3
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Re: PSA: Give people a chance before you judge them

Very well said - beautifully written.
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Old 06-16-2009, 08:30 PM   #4
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Re: PSA: Give people a chance before you judge them

Nicely written
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Old 06-16-2009, 08:31 PM   #5
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Re: PSA: Give people a chance before you judge them

I have a son with autism, I think I have probablt gotten the look that Dad gave you.
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Old 06-16-2009, 09:01 PM   #6
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Re: PSA: Give people a chance before you judge them

Unfortunately, I totally know what you mean. My 8 year old has the same issues. They have no idea.
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Old 06-16-2009, 09:17 PM   #7
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Re: PSA: Give people a chance before you judge them

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Old 06-16-2009, 09:18 PM   #8
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Re: PSA: Give people a chance before you judge them

mama. Well said.
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Old 06-16-2009, 09:20 PM   #9
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Re: PSA: Give people a chance before you judge them

Thank you for that
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Old 06-16-2009, 09:46 PM   #10
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Re: PSA: Give people a chance before you judge them

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