Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-16-2007, 08:13 PM   #1
homebirthmom's Avatar
homebirthmom
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 8,830
My Mood:
how much could you handle doing it solo?

so I did not want to really post here but I have talked my friends ear off and I have been reading other personal stories here...

I'm remarried & finding hubby doesn't ever want to be home. we have a 4 1/2 month old and he barely takes him. I've been begging to go workout, go do something for me but there isn't anytime w 4 kids and no dad here to help watch them.

so he works part time (sleeps longtime in the morning) goes in during the day & on the weekends plays in a band which has him driving all over the states. (he started in the band when I met him)
I am sooo tired of it now. one weekend he was gone 3 1/2 days... I lost my mind & he could have cared less. each week he is gone at least 5 days (don't know how military wives do it)

so I said I can't do this anymore. Its too hard with you gone all the time, not to mention what are you doing till 4 am? I have a hard time believing its just playing. He's partying, I just know it.

I'm extremely ticked and sad that this little baby has no daddy. He said today "I spend as much time with him as I signed up for." and the one day he took him for 2 hours (1 time since birth) he said I'm ready to place him for adoption. (cause he cried for me, he doesn't know dad)
anyway, made me want to throw up.

anyway, breaks my heart. He won't quit his weekend job nor go down to one day a week.
we tried counseling a long time ago, 3 different ones, they never really gave us answers just kept asking what do you want...

I'm ready to file papers cause I feel like we deserve a full on commitment. not just when we fit in to his schedule.
so what would you do?

MY UPDATE shortly after this post my hubby started to help a ton around the house but he continued on with his band stuff, leaving me w a crying baby for 2-3 days straight no break, no car. I finally lost my mind and told him to leave. He did gladly. He says he wanted a divorce and to get baby when it fit in his schedule only. well 2 weeks of him living at mommies (yes his mother said, no problem stay here... NOT "go grow up and take care of your family!") he got exhausted, tapped out his money and I pretty much went down hill in mental stability. He came back a few days at a time to stay here and give me a break. which helps... I got a car, I'm not working though, he won't talk to me about us nor are we going to counseling, yet. sooooo its like we're room mates but I get a break waaay more often. he hasn't worked on the weekends much (cause its a slow time for them) which has made me happy but he will soon be on his regular playing schedule and I'm sure I will feel nutzo again.

our high needs baby is doing much better and gives me a bigger break during his long nap, where I take time to read on here. I think the baby is also better cause he has 2 parents swapping time instead of just burnt out mama.

But I still feel "alone" with a husband who feels he is allowed to revisit/change his vows and marriage commitment! I think we're both using each other till baby gets older and can decide some major things then. He hasn't worn his wedding ring in over a month. so sad.
__________________
unassisted, homebirthin mom Had I not birthed children into the world and become a mother... I would not know true love, laughter or insanity.

Last edited by homebirthmom; 04-02-2007 at 01:31 PM.
homebirthmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2007, 08:21 PM   #2
Manna00's Avatar
Manna00
Pinchin' pennies 'til they scream
sitesupporter
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: South Western, Virginia
Posts: 29,986
My Mood:
Re: how much could you handle doing it solo?

No advice.. just
__________________
Come "like" The Screaming Penny on Facebook HERE Groupon Eversave
Discover Swagbucks (FAQ) then join Swagbucks
[B]
Manna00 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2007, 08:34 PM   #3
Shannon's Avatar
Shannon
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 8,790
My Mood:
Re: how much could you handle doing it solo?

Wow mama...how old is Dh...JUSt from what you said he sounds very very immature. Come on...kids take time...and a bunch! of sacrafice. What did he thin was going to happen when he had a child? Things definitly don't stay the say...gosh, thats a given and if he thinks they should he is seriously misguided. I sure hope he figures this out and steps up...Parenting isn't just a weekday "job"
__________________
Currently Single mommy to Aspen (7), Chloe (5) and Layla (3)

Marrying my wonderful Fiancee' Rodney on 6/26/20010
[/COLOR]Expecting to TTC in July 2010
Shannon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2007, 08:37 PM   #4
SandyG's Avatar
SandyG
Moderator at heart, but no longer moderator
The best way I know of to win an argument is to start by being in the right
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Yuma AZ
Posts: 13,777
Re: how much could you handle doing it solo?

im reading a book from dr laura and its great: proper care and feeding of marriage. i highly recommend it for both of you
goodlucK
__________________
SAHM to David (5) ; wife to my sweetie. Praise the Lord
sorry Im not around as I use to be
Old DS Feedback DP Feedback www.americansolutions.com--take action NOW!!
SandyG is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2007, 08:39 PM   #5
MommaMia's Avatar
MommaMia
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 265
My Mood:
Re: how much could you handle doing it solo?

I am so sorry you are dealing with a dad like this. Are all 4 kids yours? Or are some his? And if they are yours are they his and if not do they have supportive dads? And what do you mean: You said he works part time but is gone to work 5 days a week, right. And you want him to go down to one day? How can you guys afford that? And then he works a weekend job? Sorry just confused. Maybe I need to reread. OK so you say each week he is gone at least 5 days, you mean with the band? Or working?

My DH works about 70-80 hrs a week but is supportive and great when he is home. If he EVER said those things, I would split but I have a parachute. That is my Mom. I guess it depends on the things above, where you have to go and if the situation will be worse once you leave. It may be better to get some money saved up, etc before you split. Just my for what that's worth.
__________________
Mama to my baby girl 4/14/06 and a 9 y/o boy .
MommaMia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2007, 08:48 PM   #6
jjaelovesenglish's Avatar
jjaelovesenglish
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 7,093
My Mood:
Re: how much could you handle doing it solo?

that is rough but you did marry a musician and I only know a very few musicians that grow up and settle down after kids if they have any hope of being successful in the business. Good luck
__________________
visit my website: Madison's Colorful Dreams Now closed check out what's left
jjaelovesenglish is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2007, 08:55 PM   #7
ShayneLeMaster's Avatar
ShayneLeMaster
no caption needed
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Latitude = 35.5188, Longitude = -86.3965
Posts: 10,166
My Mood:
Re: how much could you handle doing it solo?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MommaMia View Post
I am so sorry you are dealing with a dad like this. Are all 4 kids yours? Or are some his? And if they are yours are they his and if not do they have supportive dads? And what do you mean: You said he works part time but is gone to work 5 days a week, right. And you want him to go down to one day? How can you guys afford that? And then he works a weekend job? Sorry just confused. Maybe I need to reread. OK so you say each week he is gone at least 5 days, you mean with the band? Or working?

My DH works about 70-80 hrs a week but is supportive and great when he is home. If he EVER said those things, I would split but I have a parachute. That is my Mom. I guess it depends on the things above, where you have to go and if the situation will be worse once you leave. It may be better to get some money saved up, etc before you split. Just my for what that's worth.


my husband also works aprox.. 70 hours a week 6 sometimes 7 days a week ( being the boss is over-rated ) granted.. the money is good.. but we are down to one car.. and he has it.. I babysit at home though the week ( for my own personal money and savings ) but I am home all day all week with 3 five year olds and a 14m old and a 7m old ( 1 , 5year old and the 7m old are ours ) and it can get overwhelming.. and that sucks.. my husband has a little bit of a hard time with the baby ( he is BF and well is a momma's boy lol ) but he tries.. and I give him that.. we have " fought" about who does what.. and it's not worth it.. good luck to you and I hope you can work something out
__________________
Do you like my avatar? check me out on FACEBOOK
ShayneLeMaster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2007, 09:24 PM   #8
beanmama
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: constant state of NAKin
Posts: 1,056
My Mood:
Re: how much could you handle doing it solo?

sorry I don't have any great advice but wanted to offer a
beanmama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2007, 09:31 PM   #9
Sweet_Fantasy_Fox
No Longer Here
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: ~*West Coast*~
Posts: 61,873
My Mood:
Re: how much could you handle doing it solo?

mama, i don't know what to say, he needs to grow up and make you and that baby first priority, bands break up, his family will always be his family
Sweet_Fantasy_Fox is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2007, 09:35 PM   #10
A'smommy's Avatar
A'smommy
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 981
Re: how much could you handle doing it solo?


I've BTDT (not with a musician, with an offshore oilfield worker). If you've told him straight up, "This is not cool," and his response was that he was doing as much as he agreed to...well, it don't sound good, I'll put it that way. My DH used to work offshore and took a transfer to a "family-friendly" position...even though he's still working very long hours. It's constant negotiation.

Have you considered joining a gym with a nursery? It shouldn't matter whether you have to drop off one kid or five. How about the preschool programs? Church/synagogue/temple/mosque? You'll need support from a community if you're going to make a go of it. Maybe you could make up a babysitting co-op with friends?

Just trying to throw ideas out there. Good luck whatever you decide!
__________________
Karen, SAHM to Annika (4/05)
A'smommy is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.