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Old 04-15-2010, 12:43 PM   #21
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Re: Co-sleeping death - not sure how to feel now

I'm sorry for your loss. No one really knows what happens or why so its really a personal choice - we don't co-sleep as I'm so paranoid. Every once in a while, we will bring our son in our bed, like last night, but it makes me so uncomfortable as we have a pillow top bed, lots of blankets and pillows, etc and I move/wiggle so much. Last night sweetie was having a tuff night and no one was sleeping but we've only done it a few times. I'd rather have a baby in a pack and play or bassinet or crib in the room but our house is so small we can hear him without the monitor and I can't sleep at all with him right next to me as I'm too jumpy. If you do, just be very careful and consider how your bed is set up, but given the family history, I'd reconsider it and have baby next to you - the Graco Pack and Play Lite is nice and small and when you don't want to use it as a bassinet is compact so you can use it for other uses and not feel its taking over the room and it comes in cute colors.

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Old 04-15-2010, 12:55 PM   #22
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Re: Co-sleeping death - not sure how to feel now

Just wanted to add that statistics do show that SIDS is highest in countries with lower cosleeping rates. It is lowest in countries where cosleeping is highest.

So, those of you who cosleep should not be afraid of it as long as you are practicing safe sleep rules!

Personally, I have always been petrified of my children dying in a crib which is why I did not even use one for #2. #1 only used it a bit.

What happened to the OPs family is a tragedy but I hate to see these things turn into cosleeping bashoramas.
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Old 04-15-2010, 01:00 PM   #23
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Re: Co-sleeping death - not sure how to feel now

that's horrible. i'm so sorry!


I know this is scary but it doesn't change my beliefs that co-sleeping is best for mom and baby and the entire family. I co-slept with a 5lb and 4lb preemie and a 6lb term baby. I wouldn't change any of those experiences. We found that the 5lb preemie had almost no apnea spells at night sleeping in bed with mom and dad but when she was alone in a bassinet for naps and such and not worn, she had WAY more. And knowing this, it's so scary. We were really lucky to leave the NICU on an apnea monitor but since other people don't get that, it's my opinion that co-sleeping probably saves infants' lives. Really. I think it's the safest way.
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Old 04-15-2010, 01:06 PM   #24
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Re: Co-sleeping death - not sure how to feel now

Thank you for the notes of sympathy.

To the pp who asked about SIDS vs. suffocation, it was physically obvious that she had suffocated. The police treated it like a crime scene, which only made the devastation worse.

Delphinium, it was not my intention at all to bash co-sleeping. I simply posted because I am trying to weed through my own emotions.
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Old 04-15-2010, 01:15 PM   #25
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Re: Co-sleeping death - not sure how to feel now

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Originally Posted by alabamafamily View Post
Thank you for the notes of sympathy.

To the pp who asked about SIDS vs. suffocation, it was physically obvious that she had suffocated. The police treated it like a crime scene, which only made the devastation worse.

Delphinium, it was not my intention at all to bash co-sleeping. I simply posted because I am trying to weed through my own emotions.
That most be so devastating to the mom. But if it is of any consolation, it is standard procedure to treat it as a crime scene. When my ds died it was not suffocation but they still wouldn't let me in my room for a while because it was a crime scene.

Again I am very sorry for your family. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers as I know it is a very hard thing to have to go through.
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Old 04-15-2010, 01:25 PM   #26
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Re: Co-sleeping death - not sure how to feel now

So so sorry

This is one of my biggest fears. I don't cosleep but I have lied down while nursing and maybe drifted off, but usually after the LO would unlatch.
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Old 04-15-2010, 01:33 PM   #27
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Re: Co-sleeping death - not sure how to feel now

I'm so sorry

IMO, you take risks either way you choose to have your child sleep.

I can't sleep with my kids NOT in the bed. Even the twins - I didn't plan on co-sleeping them, but we do.
They each have cribs, and I will probably start using them soon, as they're getting a bit too wiggly for my comfort level.
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Old 04-15-2010, 01:55 PM   #28
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Re: Co-sleeping death - not sure how to feel now

I am so sorry for your family. One of my clients is the chief medical examiner in our area and he says they see way too many deaths by co-sleeping. We crib-sleep in our home and he was thrilled.
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Old 04-15-2010, 08:25 PM   #29
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Re: Co-sleeping death - not sure how to feel now

Quote:
Originally Posted by adriannemae View Post
I never felt comfortable falling asleep while nursing until my babies were 3-4 months old. A big squishy boob can be just as dangerous as a heavy comforter or pillows IMO.
This is what we did. We also used a 'snuggle nest' until DD1 was 3+ months old. For this baby, we have an Arm's Reach, but I still worry about blankets falling into the co-sleeper!

Quote:
Originally Posted by FaeryGnomeHome View Post
that's horrible. i'm so sorry!


I know this is scary but it doesn't change my beliefs that co-sleeping is best for mom and baby and the entire family. I co-slept with a 5lb and 4lb preemie and a 6lb term baby. I wouldn't change any of those experiences. We found that the 5lb preemie had almost no apnea spells at night sleeping in bed with mom and dad but when she was alone in a bassinet for naps and such and not worn, she had WAY more. And knowing this, it's so scary. We were really lucky to leave the NICU on an apnea monitor but since other people don't get that, it's my opinion that co-sleeping probably saves infants' lives. Really. I think it's the safest way.
Similar experience with preemies. We had less gagging/reflux spells and night wakings when I co-slept my twins.

To the OP: So terribly sorry to hear about that. I'm not sure I would be able to weed through my thoughts very well after going through this either. I hope you are able to find some peace soon!
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Old 04-15-2010, 08:51 PM   #30
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Re: Co-sleeping death - not sure how to feel now

I don't know what to say mama except that i'm so sorry for your loss. Whenever something like this happens, it is so difficult and devestating to a family. for your family to get through this very difficult time.
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