Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
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Old 05-18-2010, 01:10 PM   #11
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Re: HOW does one decide?!

No idea. Absolutely none.


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Old 05-18-2010, 01:15 PM   #12
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Re: HOW does one decide?!

We thought about it for a while and decided on my brother and his family. They have the same values and morals as us and we know that our kids would be raised pretty much the same way we are raising them ourselves. My bro and his wife would care for and love our kids as if our kids had been raised in their house. When I asked my brother and sil if they would take our kids if something should happen to us, I said please take a few days, talk it over, pray about it. They came to us the next day and said it wasn't something they needed to talk about, they knew immediately that it was the right thing to do. I tell you, I cried in relief knowing my kids would go to them. The reason I cried in relief is that my sil (dh sister) can not take them now. I do not want her raising my kids. My dh agrees. She will have times to visit them but thats it.

We have the will just need to fill it out.

ETA: We have great friends who live in Alabama and if they lived closer, they would have been the 2nd family we would have asked. We wanted the kids to live as close to family as possible. My inlaws live 3 hours from my brothers and my parents live 10min from my brother.
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Old 05-18-2010, 01:32 PM   #13
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Re: HOW does one decide?!

I don't think its morbid at all to think of this subject-its very smart to have a will made up and a guardian chosen if you and your dh die-it happens all the time and I think its very irresponsible to NOT have a plan!
When we did our wills we sat down and went through all of our family and chose my sister and bil because they do not have children, have a nice sized home, and have good jobs. Before drawing up our wills we approached them and asked if they would be willing to take on the task if the need ever arose and they agreed without hesitation. My other sister is their back up-they have a smaller house and are expecting their third child so it would not be ideal but my kids would be taken care of if they did have to raise them.

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Old 05-18-2010, 02:02 PM   #14
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Re: HOW does one decide?!

We just recently changed our minds about who our children will go to. Originally we chose DH's oldest sister because out of the 12....yes 12 siblings (between the two of us), she is the was stable and the kids at least now who she is. We have since changed our minds because now her back is deteriorating and we feared she wouldn't be able to handle our little rascals. And things have changed in the past few years. My step- sister has divorced her awful husband and married one of the nicest guys I know.

We called my step-sister and her DH and asked them if they would be willing. They agreed (both are teachers) and so we set up the will so they get the kids. We have plenty of life insurance (DH is military) so no money worries. My brother is our "back up plan". We didn't want to have him take the kids if something happened to us because 1. he is a struggling real estate agent who is just trying to survive himself, 2. he is dating and would like to get married....children could put a damper on that relationship, and 3. we felt he was just not ready to take on a huge responsibility. My step sister was estatic we chose them. She has a son from her first marriage who is 5 months older than our daughter and her and her new DH are expecting another boy in November. The kids would be close in age, near the majority of our families, raised with the same values, parented the same way we parent and in a stable environment. I know my parents were bummed we didn't choose them, but my they are in their late 50's and I can't imagine the kind of chaos my kids would create in their house. I would rather my parents be grandparents and enjoy their retirement. I know my mom would love the kids to be with her, but I'm not sure my stepdad is fond of the idea. He likes his afternoon naps. Not to mention their dog just died and they said life is so much easier without a yeah, my kids are not simple!!! We are happy with our decision. We did set everything up so our kids have a trust fund, back up trustees, back up guardians, etc. Now DSS would automatically stay with his mom. I would hope she would allow the kids to see their brother, but I cannot guarantee anything. DH and I spoke about it and we are pretty sure she does NOT have a will. So if something happened to us and then her, DSS is covered in our will to go with my sister and stay with his siblings. He WOULD NOT go with his mom's other son (his brother) only because his brother's dad is a not so good guy (as proven in court).

Hopefully the time never comes where this situation would be needed. DH and I have been diligent about getting our wills done every 2 years and taking care of anything to make things easier. We've actually been talking about sitting down and writing out funeral plans so the other doesn't need to worry when the time does come. It sounds awful, but I would rather be comforting my children than worrying about the little things.
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Old 05-18-2010, 02:13 PM   #15
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Re: HOW does one decide?!

I don't think it is morbid at all. Everyone should have this in their will so that should something happen to them, their children will be looked after. DH and I chose his parents w/ the help of his eldest brother. We trust, based on their values and lifestyles, that they would do a good job of raising the kids should anything happen to us. We consulted them first to make sure it wouldn't place a burden on them, of course.
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Old 05-18-2010, 02:16 PM   #16
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Re: HOW does one decide?!

Well, when we set it up the first time, we thought about who we would be willing to leave the children with and came up with my parents, my in-laws, and my SIL and her husband. At the time my brother was still in high school, so he wasn't a contender (isn't now because he's not married and military, which adds all sorts of possible problems), my sister and her husband we ruled out because while we feel my sister would raise the kids the way we wish and her husband is a great guy, he doesn't have the same beliefs we do and that concerned us. DH's brothers weren't really considered because at the time one was in a terrible marriage and the other was a truck driver and single. We simply asked my parents, his parents, and his sister and they all said yes, that would be fine, though his parents asked to not be first choice. After DH deployed for a year and the kids and I stayed with his parents, they asked if it could be changed and they would have the kids first. We said that was fine because by that time my parents (originally listed as first) had moved in with my grandparents to help with them and my parents wouldn't have been able to handle Mom's parents and my kids both. We just redid our wills recently and they stayed the same. We went back and asked DH's sister because she has just recently had her 5th child, which would give them 8 if they got ours, but they said it was fine. It is unlikely they would get our children anyway, as it means something would have to happen to 6 people. So, my in-laws get the kids. If they can't for whatever reason, my parents do, and then my SIL and her husband.

I would consider good friends. In fact, we have some friends in Alaska that if for some reason our family asked us to take them off the list, we would ask Ryan and Tara.

Oh, and we didn't have very many deciding factors. We want to know our children will be raised in a solid Christian home, in a healthy home (as far as diet goes), and we prefer that they be homeschooled, though we are aware that if they move in with my parents they might not be. But we know that my parents would do the best possible for them if homeschooling was not a viable option. The distance and moving wasn't an issue because we're military, so the kids have never lived near family, but are close to them all. We also know that even though my family is in Florida (and North Carolina and Tennessee) and DH's family is in Michigan, the kids will get to see the other family as much as possible. It really helps having our families close relationship-wise.
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Old 05-18-2010, 02:51 PM   #17
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Re: HOW does one decide?!

It's a tough call for us, too. My parents would be a logical choice in some ways, but with them getting older, we didn't think it would be a good thing for them to be stuck with a couple/few kids at an age where they may not be able to keep up with them.

My sister is an absolute non-consideration. She's not a bad person or anything, but she's a kidless very career-oriented attorney, and there's no way she'd be the best option for the kids.

My husband's middle brother already has more kids than he can afford, and I don't like his wife (she's the most boring person alive, and a very weak female role model), plus they live in the most awful town ever. We refer to it as "the place potential and hope go to die". We'd never sentence our kids to live in that environment.

That leaves my husband's oldest brother and his partner. They are the best uncles ever, and really wanted to adopt children of their own, but they had problems getting a placement due to being a same-sex couple. They live in an awesome suburb of a very progressive city, and our kids love it there. They have plenty of room for kids, and always have their nieces and nephews visiting. Their house is in a neighborhood with some of the best schools in the nation. Plus, they are very well-off financially, and equally importantly, not much older than we are, so they're a good age to be parents to kids our kids' ages. We decided if we die when our kids are young, they will live with their uncles, and their uncles are 100% on board with that.

The only problem I foresee is that some of my family tends to be a little bit stuck in the past, and might have a problem with us leaving our kids to a same-sex couple, but they're our kids, not theirs, and we made the best decision we could. I think it's a GREAT decision. I know that my kids are going to have an amazing life with people who love them and can give them the best of everything, no matter what! That is a great thing to know.
Half redneck, half hippie, Libertarian, Army veteran, Engineer turned SAHM to one little princess (07/29/2003) and one future farmer (12/25/2008), and my little boobie monster (5/28/2011). Official partner in crime to my blue collar Adonis since 2004!

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Old 05-18-2010, 03:39 PM   #18
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Re: HOW does one decide?!

We really didn't have a choice in who we could choose so we asked the one person in the family and hoped for the best. Luckly for us she agreed... though it is easy to agree when you don't have children yet. Yes we did this before I was even pregnant with the triplets. Now she will get our son, and our frozen embryos.

For us we didn't want to burden our parents with our children, even in our death. My mom would be the logical choice there as her parenting style is closest to ours and my dad has my sisters now to deal with (ages 6 and 8). DH's mom is in failing health and his dad is working ALL the time. DH has a brother who is autisic (not ideal there) and my sisters are not of age. So we had to expand our net and DH has one cousin who he doesn't think is responsable. I have several cousins, most of whom are older then me (2 are younger) but I am not that close with most of them. So we went with the cousin of mine that is more like a sister to me. After all she is only 4 months older then me.

My cousin isn't the same faith as me, but that is secondary to me. After all my son has god parents. I just know that my son (and whoever else) would have a simular childhood as mine... something that honestly my son isn't getting right now because of where we live. It may be a big change for my ds to move across the country, however my cousin doesn't have any children, presently and I believe would be a wonderful mom and her DH is a wonder around children. This last bit is actually the saddest bit for me. My cousin I fear has endometriosis and I worry as we both age, that her window is closing on having children... especially considering that she can't take pain (I am the odd ball in the family with that one) and has been known to faint at eye exams. However this is a different story.
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Old 05-18-2010, 04:49 PM   #19
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Re: HOW does one decide?!

there isnt anyone. my parents would prob be the closest i would choose. i guess we should figure it out soon incase something happens.
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Old 05-18-2010, 05:03 PM   #20
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Re: HOW does one decide?!

My sister and i have always agreed that should something happen to us and our spouses, the other would raise our children. We decided this when we both only had our first daughters. Now between us, we have 7 children, but the same remains. There is no one else i'd rather raise my children if i could not myself or my husband could not. We don't parent exactly the same....but i respect her immensly and i know, without a doubt, that next to their mom and dad their aunty loves them more than anyone.

If you have several ppl you are considering, i would pick your first choice and ask them....if they say no, move down the list.....
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