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Old 05-23-2010, 02:27 PM   #91
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Re: Am I a bad mommy?

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That's funny because Fiona is the SAME way! She hates hates car rides and the swing she only likes for a few minutes too. I think I found out what the problem is....I believe I have overactive letdown with a combo of her just being very needy! I've been trying to use my sling (even though she hates it!) but she eventually falls asleep in it. I'm going to buy a wrap and see if that helps (I'm actually looking on etsy.com right now for one). Thank you all for all the great advice. I took this picture of Fiona yesterday. As you can tell things are getting a little better

Woo hoo!! Smiles really help makes the days more enjoyable I also think that I have a bit of overactive letdown but not enough to cause any serious tummy problems, I think he is mostly just fussy/needy.

Theo also hates the sling when he is awake. He cries in it until he falls asleep but normally that doesn't take more then 10-15 minutes.

I have noticed that he really has gotten a bit better over the past days as he can now sit with us for 10-20 minutes once or twice a day without crying as long as we keep him entertained and switch positions a lot.

I think that once he is able to crawl that he will really be a different baby though although I don't think it will take that long for him to cry less! I just think he really wants to be moving/active, and that he gets frustrated when he doesn't get exactly what he wants right away. As a first time mommy though it sometimes takes me awhile to figure out what in the world he wants!

Big big hugs to you and I hope every day gets a bit better!!

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Old 05-23-2010, 03:34 PM   #92
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Re: Am I a bad mommy?

I am glad things are starting to get better for you! But I also wanted to say that sometimes there is not a fix and the baby just has to grow out of it. While I don't doubt that some babies have reflux issues, it's kind of a go-to diagnosis theses days. My previous ped (who was wonderful)... wish he was still our doc... didn't put a whole lot of stock in the whole reflux thing. He said most babies have what we would call "reflux". And if a baby truly did have reflux that they needed meds for, he did prescribe stuff for it as he did with my SIL's little girl. I for one know I had overactive letdown and b/c of it DD1 never would latch. She screamed and screamed no matter what I did. But she also continued to be fussy, spit up constantly, etc after I switched to pumping. We never figured out a food intolerance, tried all the 5 S's, read Dr. Sears, you name it. HOURS of screaming. Every day!! The only time she was quiet was at night. We let her cry for 5-10 min. in the evening (in her crib) and she would sleep 9-10 hours. Granted, she was a couple of months old by this point. I had planned on bfing, cosleeping, babywearing, etc. and was heartbroken that it didn't work out. But you know what? Her personality just wasn't wired for it. When she was fussy and we tried all the tricks, she got more upset. She would scream and arch her back and try to get away. She never liked to be rocked to sleep or worn in a carrier. She eventually grew out of the fussiness by about 6 months or so and stopped spitting up by a year. To this day she is a little spitfire and very emotional. She started throwing fits at around a year old and then full-on temper tantrums at 3. We're talking nothing helped... we just had/have to leave her by herself b/c she'll get more and more worked up. I think a lot of fussiness can be personality as well as being uncomfortable. We finally figured out with her that putting her down in the crib/swing/bouncy was what helped her. That didn't make us bad parents, we just read our baby's needs. Now, we didn't let her scream all day or anything... just a few minutes and she'd usually be asleep. As she got older, she was on a schedule for naps and bed that helped her not to be overtired. She put herself on the schedule, we just looked for her cues. DD2 was not nearly as fussy... she's pretty laid back, but still never liked to be held/rocked to sleep. We tried the 5 S's with her in the hospital and still nothing but crying. So those don't always work. I have found that time and routine has been the main factor.

And for anyone that has ever had a baby that screamed non-stop, there is a book called The Second Nine Months written by Vicki Glembocki. I'm telling you, it's very real and candid. She is hilarious, but also puts into words all the guilt/fear about having a fussy baby that you've tried everything with. Trust me, read it and you won't feel so alone! No tips in there... it's just her story.
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Old 05-23-2010, 03:41 PM   #93
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Re: Am I a bad mommy?

1- Find a good chiropractor that works with babies. I swear, it will be night and day if you get in a good office. Lifesaver with my son.

2- Get a good wrap and wear your LO in there to nap during the day, to just be close. The warmth and tummy-to-tummy helps a ton too. If you can, nurse in it so your LO is upright.

3- I'd look in to possible allergies in your diet.



As far as the crying, I know it's hard and frustrating, my first was like that. I always figured even if there was nothing I could do, at least if he was in my arms, he knew I was there for him and loved him. Many times, I was crying too. Eventually, with the help of the chiropractor and wrap, things got much, much better. There is a lot of mixed research on CIO, but from what I've read, I won't take the gamble, especially with a young baby too little to understand why no one is there to help. It's your choice, and you need to do what works for you, but if it feels wrong to you, I'd change it.
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Old 05-23-2010, 03:42 PM   #94
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Re: Am I a bad mommy?

Oh, also, try nursing laying down, with baby on it's side, or on top of you, to help if you have an overactive let-down.
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Old 05-23-2010, 04:59 PM   #95
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Re: Am I a bad mommy?

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I so so feel for you! Theodor is similar and it can be so hard!

What works for us is putting him in a wrap which is basically as tight as I can get it, holding a pacifier in place and bouncing on an exercise ball until he falls asleep.... clearly there is no way I could do this all the time if I had another child!

I also have good luck putting him in the wrap and walking outside,if I stay moving he will sleep for 1-3 hours like this.

He hates the car and normally cries the whole time, the swing just started working but only for about 10 minutes, he hates swaddling but I am going to try doing it without his arms and see if that works.

We have been to an osteopath, chiropractor, and of course our pediatrician.I eliminated milk (no difference!) he does not have reflux (is fine laying down after a feed, doesn't seem to be in pain) and I am quite sure that my letdown is not overactive but not 100% sure.

Honestly I sometimes think that people think something helped when the baby actually just grew out of it, colic and these symptoms normally end at 3-4 months. If not something more serious is probably behind the crying.

One thing which has helped me is trying to pretend that Theo is happy even when he is clearly not so I talk to him in a normal tone, laugh, and dance, etc with him even we he is crying/screaming.
I feel like this makes up for the times when I feel like throwing him out the window (obviously I would never do it! these are the times when I put him down and take a 5-10 minute break, or hand him off to DH).

It is hard to imagine what it is like to have a fussy baby hour after hour day after day if you haven't experienced it. You are doing a great job as a mom and we all know that no mother wants to see her baby cry!

I agree with some of the posters who mentioned time and personality. Don't feel bad if you never get a cure all answer or technique, as I don't think there is one for some babies. Just try your best and and get your husband to help as much as possible.

Also the happiest baby on the block did not really work for me, so don't feel bad if it doesn't work in such a way that your baby always stops crying.

Good Luck!!!
the exercise ball is magic!! I think I lost a few pounds too I am happy to say that at around 4.5 months we were able to ditch it altogether. Your little guy sounds just like my dd though. she has gotten to be a pretty happy girl. She still wants to be held all the time and nurse a ton though but so much better than just screaming!
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Old 05-23-2010, 08:19 PM   #96
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Re: Am I a bad mommy?

could she have reflux? Just a thought. But yes, I did it with my DD sometimes too when she was young. She actually started sleeping through the night shortly after! GL!
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Old 05-24-2010, 01:56 AM   #97
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Re: Am I a bad mommy?

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And for anyone that has ever had a baby that screamed non-stop, there is a book called The Second Nine Months written by Vicki Glembocki. I'm telling you, it's very real and candid. She is hilarious, but also puts into words all the guilt/fear about having a fussy baby that you've tried everything with. Trust me, read it and you won't feel so alone! No tips in there... it's just her story.
Thanks for this book tip, I am going to order it today! I also really agree with a lot of what you said.
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Old 05-24-2010, 03:55 AM   #98
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Re: Am I a bad mommy?

I did not ever have a colicky baby but I would recommend the book Fussy Baby by Dr. Sears. I was worried with having twins and what I would do if I had a fussy baby so I read it. It does talk about different things to try and to not be hard on yourself that sometimes it just is the child's personality, that a fussy baby can mean something is wrong but not always.

Hopefully with crying it out your baby will learn to self soothe, but there are some babies that it doesn't work on too. You are not a bad mommy by any means.
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