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Old 05-01-2007, 12:00 PM   #11
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Re: You want another baby. husband does not.

lysa, you still have ample of time and seems that you both changed your mind, so i wouldnt even worry about it.
for us it was something adamant, dh only wnted one , i wanted 4, but what happened to me ttc did take a huge toll so for my sanity and all i decided to just have one and thank GOd that He blessed me with at least one

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Old 05-01-2007, 12:03 PM   #12
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Re: You want another baby. husband does not.

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lysa, you still have ample of time and seems that you both changed your mind, so i wouldnt even worry about it.
for us it was something adamant, dh only wnted one , i wanted 4, but what happened to me ttc did take a huge toll so for my sanity and all i decided to just have one and thank GOd that He blessed me with at least one

I am not too worried about it right now. I was just wondering what everyone thought.
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Old 05-01-2007, 07:31 PM   #13
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Re: You want another baby. husband does not.

I really hate that the no wins. I feel that the person who wants it loses more. If the marraige is great and you already have kids, what is one more? The reason I say loses more is because if you do conceive, and he is the partner that you know he is, he'll love that child too. Everything is okay in the end. However, if you have to say no because he doesn't want anymore, that is really really hard. You are left with a void. Please don't flame me everyone, this is just mho. I do understand the role of the husband and to respect him, this is just how I feel personally. I would say because of his changing his mind a bit, you would do well to revisit it since you don't want one right now anyways.
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Old 05-01-2007, 10:27 PM   #14
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Re: You want another baby. husband does not.

Hubby and I have gon through this for almost 12 yrs, I have always wanted 4-6 kids, no middle kids, so only an even number of kids-sorry, nothing personal, but I am a middle child and I don't want a middle child-anyway, I married an only child-he is a typical, spoiled rotten, non-compromising child whose mother STILL thinks the world revolves around her son and he is 48yrs old! I didn't want an only child and didn't want a middle child, hubby knew this BEFORE we married and I always said I wanted atleast 4-6 kids, we never agreed before we married and 21 yrs later, still can't agree on it. We have 2 boys, after our 2nd was born, hubby kept saying he wanted to get a vasectomy, but was afraid to get it done-I honestly didn't think he would go through with it so I didn't worry about him getting it done even though he said he wanted one all the time cuz I am allergic to most BC methods and refuse to get a tubal done cuz I want more children. After my 6th miscarriage 9yrs ago, hubby made an appt, I still didn't think he would do it, I begged him not to, but he was determined, I cried the entire way to the appt, as well as after. We had become fosterparents before his appt, and that does help me with my desire to have another couple of children, but I still ache for the 2 babies I will never get preggo with. I have been wanting more children sooooo badly for soooooo long that last summer I fell into a depression when it hit me hard that I will never get preggo again even though I pray everyday that hubby will have a failed vasectomy. My counselor helped me to realize that I have to accept the fact that I will never have another child, and I am getting to the point that I am accepting it-every month for hte past 9 yrs I would get really upset everytime my period started cuz I was so sure that God would answer my prayers, and I was really upset when He didn't. I realize now that even though I really want 2 more children, hubby is just as passionate about NOT having 2 more children. I fully enjoy friend's children, they fully love that if I am particularly missing having little ones around, I will call them up and take their kids for the day, or even the weekend, I signed a friend's toddler up for a mommy/me class that I really missed going to, and of course, we do have newborn fosterchildren in our home fairly regularly. Hubby gets to enjoy the 2 teens we have and while he loves the fosterbabies, he is not one to keep the baby for me-his answer is that we are fosterparents cuz I want to be a fostermom so I can take the baby with me.
I think that I also worry that my hubby would resent any children we would have if I were to get preggo cuz he really doesn't want any more-he says he wants to enjoy his retirement days while his kids are out of the house, not while we have sippy cups and potty training to deal with. I guess that is my advice after this long-winded post, if your hubby is adament, he may resent the child or the child may feel his not wanting more kids-even if it is not spoken, the child may still "feel it"
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Old 05-01-2007, 10:50 PM   #15
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Re: You want another baby. husband does not.

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After having 3 kids. I think we are well aware that kids are a life long commitment.
Sorry, I wasn't trying to be snotty, just putting it simply. The reason I say the no wins is because I think there would be resentment if the child was truly unwanted. Again, I am not saying this to be mean, just aware that we are all human. Could there be resentment on the other side? Sure, but at least there wouldn't be a child to be the ping pong ball.

Obviously, you have a pattern going, and everyone's relationship is different. I was just expressing my opinion on the matter because *I* was the one that wanted a large family and my dh didn't. While he was completely in the loop of all of "tries", when I'm feeling down I still question whether he really is happy with the situation & it has compromised some of our hobbies (travel, in particular - it's hard to find someone to watch 4 kids for an extended period of time, kwim?).
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Old 05-02-2007, 09:42 AM   #16
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Re: You want another baby. husband does not.

Well, for us...and I'm sure I am going to get flamed....DH has said to just disregard what he says about number of children. He says that if he were to find out that we were pregnant even tho he didn't "want" to have another....that he would come around and become just as excited as if we had planned the baby! But this is my DH!
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Old 05-02-2007, 10:01 AM   #17
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Re: You want another baby. husband does not.

My DH is pretty dang adament for not having more after this one. I didn't have to talk him into it, but he's VERY positive for not having any more. His reason is that he wants to enjoy his retirement and to be able to help his kids through college should they decide they want to go. I am on the fence though because I've always wanted a big family (6 kids) but I really don't think I can mentally and emotionally do it. I know enough about myself that I just don't think I can do it.

Anyway... I refuse to go on birth control or get my tubes tied (it is a religion thing for me) but DH isn't the same religion so he has no qualms of getting his tied. I don't know if he'll actually do it but he knows my opinion on it and I've urged him not to. And unfortunately, he's the type of man that would rather not dtd if there was any chance in heck to get pregnant!

I have to learn to accept it without hard feelings though. It is a blatant decision that only one person gets what they truly want because I find it hard to see where it's a fair compromise. At the same time, if the two spouses sit down and talk calmly, I'm sure a compromise could be reached. I wanted six kids, my DH wanted no more than two. Well, we're on four so I think we've reached our happy middle. And trust me when I say DH is VERY ADAMENT that we don't have more!
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Old 05-02-2007, 10:08 AM   #18
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Re: You want another baby. husband does not.

Well, for us it is the other way around. He wants another and I do not. I win, sort of. Now, we are going to be looking into adoption for two more. Boys, so it's guarenteed. I wanted a boy with both of my girls.
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Old 05-04-2007, 09:02 AM   #19
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Re: You want another baby. husband does not.

We have two. I want one more NOW, dh says wait. My guess is that he'll wait so long that I'm not going to want another at that point. I've given up. There's no good reason for waiting at this point, just his own stubbornness.
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Old 05-04-2007, 09:14 AM   #20
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Re: You want another baby. husband does not.

My dh only wanted 2 kids, I knew this before we got married. I always wanted more- he knew that too. Right now we have 2 and dh says he is done, but does not want to alter himself to make sure there aren't more . I just tell him, lets talk about it in a couple of years and see how we feel (youngest son is 10 months).

I guess open communication is the best way to go. Just talk about how you both feel and revisit the issue later. No one knows how they will feel in a few years!
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