View Poll Results: Given the situation, which is worse?
Fighting hard and ruining the ability to get along 16 64.00%
Not fighting as hard as you can just so you can get along 9 36.00%
Other (please explain) 1 4.00%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 25. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 08-07-2010, 07:59 PM   #11
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Re: Custody - which is worse? LONG

Either pack up and disappear to another state or fight like hell. I think you know what the right answer is mama, you'll do what you have to for your daughter.

A suicide attempt wouldn't have killed your daughter, but a prescription pill sure would. I have done each one of those drugs you just listed and even a quarter of a pill could cause irreversable damage in a child. Fight mama. Fight.



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Old 08-07-2010, 08:10 PM   #12
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Re: Custody - which is worse? LONG

Your poll is a bit confusing. You asked "which is worse" - to which I voted "not fighting" - however, I do think you should definitely fight for custody. I think the majority vote of ppl who voted that it is worse to fight, may have meant to vote that you SHOULD fight.
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Old 08-07-2010, 08:13 PM   #13
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Re: Custody - which is worse? LONG

Originally Posted by luvsviola View Post

I would fight like hell and get custody.
its nice to get along for the kids but not necessary. most don't get along. I fortunately get along w both of my ex's MOST of the time. we have many yelling matches a year.
BUT when it comes to drinking, drugs, ignorance of kids etc... it doesn't matter how poor or wealthy you are- you MUST fight for the kids safety. its your duty as a parent.

my ex got a DUI last year and picked our son up hrs later. I found out and he lost visitation for a month. he was pissed and its not what I really wanted to do (I felt like I was punishing my son) BUT I had to teach my ex a lesson. an it worked.
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Old 08-07-2010, 08:32 PM   #14
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Re: Custody - which is worse? LONG

Fight him mama! This is a story from my hometown and its the first thing I thought of when I read your post.
Jen, mama to Brooke (9/08) Cody (2/10) and Evan (3/12) 
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Old 08-07-2010, 09:33 PM   #15
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Re: Custody - which is worse? LONG

I think I voted the wrong way! Sorry!
I voted to fight....but I actually think fighting is less worse in this scenario. Hope that makes sense.

I could be wrong but I THINK in FL a small child recently died from getting his/her hands on some perscription pills. If your LO's safety is in question, screw civility.
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Old 08-07-2010, 09:40 PM   #16
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Re: Custody - which is worse? LONG

Fight mama. I would fight for my daughter. I could care less if I was no longer on good terms with her father. If I was in your shoes, I would fight. It doesn't matter if he has a good lawyer.. you let that judge know EVERYTHING! Don't you hold ANYTHING back! Tell him about the pills that were found by you and how you feel. I have a feeling that any judge is going to only allow supervised visits OR.. allow unsupervised visits if he takes a drug test prior to having the visit. I would actually probably be ok with that if the drug tests were taken each time prior to visitation.
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Old 08-07-2010, 10:08 PM   #17
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Re: Custody - which is worse? LONG

Fight for your LO! If you don't who will? Both of my LO's have never had anything to do with their biologicals but if I were in your shoes you better believe I would fight with all that I am to keep my lo's safe.
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Old 08-07-2010, 10:38 PM   #18
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Re: Custody - which is worse? LONG

Fight lady. Do not leave his drug use out of this. But stick to the facts of it. Testify that you went over there for a "test run" and found all this stuff laying out, even though they KNEW your daughter was coming over.

My DS1 got into a child proof pill bottle and ate some Wellbutron. And that was with us HOME and awake and aware. We had just moved and were unpacking some boxes. DH found the pill bottle in a box, opened it to see how many pills were in there, then set it on the china hutch behind him. I came in a few moments later to discover that DS was chewing on some pills. I called poison control who said go to the nearest ER NOW! And if we couldn't get to an ER within 10 minutes to call 911!

Praise God he was ok. They made him drink charcoal, stuck him with needles, my poor little 2 1/2 yr old was so scared and confused, and just looking at me like I should be helping him, when in his mind I was letting these strangers assault him. They transfered him to the children's hospital where we spent the night and most of the next day for observation. Again, praise God he was ok.

My point is this.. this incident happened with two GOOD parents. DH just didn't realize that DS could reach the pills, nor did he realize that DS could get a child proof cap open, add to that he was just a little distracted. So if accidents like this happen with two parents who are not habitually careless, it could have been so much worse if we were not observant.

So you had some mental issues in the past. But you're still in therapy, you're still doing everything you can to stay clean, and you are NOT an unfit mother.

Here is my advice. Get a lawyer, but also go talk to social services, Department of Family Services. Explain the situation. Explain that you feel that your child is not safe at her father's house, and ask if there is anyway that they can do an inspection on your behalf. They will be able to give you advice on the situation. And they may know of some good lawyers who do pro-bono work.

Mama, if your heart tells you that your child is not safe unsupervised at his home (and obviously his parents don't count as supervision) then you need to do EVERYTHING you can in order to keep her safe.

And as other people have said, if that means moving out of state. Then that's what you do. It's not kidnapping if it's your child and there is no court order involved. And if he's involved as little as you say he is, I doubt he'll make the effort required to have a relationship with her if it's that inconvenient for him.

Yes you had some issues in the past, but you have people in your life who can testify that you have changed and made HUGE progress and are a fit mother with a happy healthy little girl. I do not pretend to know how difficult this is for you, but I can imagine. And I would not insult your intelligence by saying "I know how you are feeling." because it's one of those things that one cannot totally say in all honesty unless they have been (or are going through) a similar situation.

But what I CAN tell you, is that I will always fight like hell to keep my children safe!!!!

Wishing you the best of luck. I am praying for you. Please update us when you can. As I'm sure there are lots of prayers for you floating around out there now!

God bless!
Christian wife to my hubby, mamma to three little men and a little lady!

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Old 08-08-2010, 08:45 AM   #19
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Re: Custody - which is worse? LONG

My fear with fighting was that I would lose. I have known moms that have lost because the ex's fought nasty and it seems like judges around here are trying to keep dads at 50-50 unless they are proven to be much less capable than the mom. Showing the mom to be mentally unstable is a common argument. I know I was weak when I didn't fight. If you and your lawyer feel confident that he isn't going to have anything up on you enough to get 50-50 then I would fight. I fought hard for a little over a year and spent nearly 25,000, just be prepared for a long long fight and get as much support around you as you can. HUGS!
Suzi, working mama to my ODS(2004) , YDS(2006), DSD(2004) and married to the love of my life
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