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Old 08-15-2010, 12:57 PM   #1
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Opinions needed please!!!

I need some opinions on what my DH and I should regarding "when to have the next baby!"

A lil background info: My DH and I got pregnant (oops!!!) while we were both in school going to be teachers. I have about two years left but I dropped out then so I could work to get Mat leave. Im in Canada so our mat leave is one year which just ended so Im back to work now (im a nanny so i take my son with me)

My DH continued on with school and he has one year left to go now, so will be done next August.

When my son was first born we talked about waiting to have the next baby (we want three in total) till after Im done school, which will be approximately three years from now (depending on if I get into the program I need to)

If we have a baby as soon as Im done school, we will be no better off financially. We would have to wait at least a few more years to have a baby so we could start paying off student debt etc to be in a better financial place.

I think since I could get another year of paid Mat leave now because Im working we should have another baby right away but my DH thinks thats a bad idea and we should wait till im done school (but I wont get Mat leave then unless I start work first) He is stressed about finances although he doesnt want to wait another 5 or 6 years to have the next one either.

So what do u mommas think? I dont want my oldest to feel like an only child because his younger siblings are like 5 years younger than him. But I also dont want to be struggling our whole lives either. Right now, we get by, but we rent and would like to buy a house one day, have money saved etc.

Thanks for any help and sorry its so long!

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Old 08-15-2010, 01:43 PM   #2
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Re: Opinions needed please!!!

I can only tell you what we did. But who knows how it would've worked out doing it differently.
Our boys are nearly 7 years apart(short by only 2 weeks). I wanted to wait until our oldest was in school FT so he wouldn't feel like he was being replaced or me feel like I was overwhelmed with not feeling like I had enough time for both of them.
Plus I wanted both kids to know what it was like to have mama all to themselves for their young childhood time.
I know lots of mamas do it with littles at the same time, but I chose not to go that route. To each his own(KWIM?)
I have done home daycare since my oldest was 6mos. He was with me 24/7/365 for 5 years. I wanted his brother to feel that too. So when Jonah was 6, we started TTC. And brother was born almost a year later.
I haven't regretted it, not once. The older dotes on the younger. The younger thinks brother is the coolest thing ever. They each need us in different ways. They are into different things. There is no competition for attention or friends or things. They don't feel like only's.
Sure, there is a tiny part of me that thinks maybe just doing 5-6 years of daycare with them both little vs 10-12 years of daycare with them separated might have been nice for the old pocketbook and dreams go, but them having that special time with mommy was more important to me. And with my oldest being Autistic, I dunno if I could've done all I was able to do for him if he had a closer in age sibling. SN kids take time. Lots of intense one on one time. And my hubby would've had a nervous breakdown with financial worries with two littles. Which means he would've drove me crazy too. Divorce was probably likely. 2 littles would've been bad, very bad, for us.
But we only know what we do have, not what didn't. Who knows. I don't think there is a magic answer.
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Old 08-15-2010, 02:34 PM   #3
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Re: Opinions needed please!!!

My kids are all 2 yrs apart we have three and it's been a financial struggle but emotionally and physically and every other way I wouldn't change it for the world
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Old 08-15-2010, 03:28 PM   #4
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Re: Opinions needed please!!!

My kids are close and I wouldn't change that either. Can you continue with any classes online? I am pursuing my college degree and will be taking a combo of online and campus classes. I would have rather finish before having kids but it didn't work out that way.
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Old 08-15-2010, 03:34 PM   #5
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Re: Opinions needed please!!!

A year paid of maternity leave is very appealing so I understand your argument but I say finish school as having two is three times the work - not just double, so how motivated will you be to go back to school after #2 - and that just increases expenses. Don't worry about the age gap - my husband has a 19 year age gap between his youngest and our child... hee hee... his son is entertained by it. There are great reasons to wait...there are great reasons to do it now. But, I'd say wait and finish school as if you have back to back kids - like my husband did with the first set, its sooo much harder if you are working/parenting/school than with just one.
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