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Old 08-24-2010, 04:15 PM   #1
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I'm going back to school but having SAHM guilt

I have been a sahm since my oldest was born almost 4 years ago. I feel incredibly fortunate to be able to have been with my girls since birth, they are rarely away from me. I have started back to school this semester full time to finish my undergraduate degree. I am very lucky that the school I'm going to I *can* finish my degree completely at night or on Saturday when my husband is home so the kids don't have to go to daycare or preschool. But I want to double major and the second major I will be pursuing isn't available as an evening major. I could choose something else but I'm not sure I want to.

So here's my delimma. My girls are almost 2 and 4, neither has ever been in preschool or daycare. I was looking at possibly going next semester and taking 1 or 2 day classes in addition to my evening classes. My day classes would be from 9:00-11:30 2 days a week. I was thinking about sending them to preschool for just those 2 days (so from 8-12 2 days a week). That would give me a bit of study time before class and some time to maybe do my grocery shopping one day after classes and before picking them up.

But I feel incredibly guilty about it. Not so much about my oldest because we had planned to send her to preschool next fall anyway so it will only be a few months early but my youngest. I feel like I've been home with her sister from birth and she hasn't had to go to any sort of daycare or anything and maybe i'm giving my youngest "the short end of the stick" so to speak to put her in preschool so early. I feel like there are so many women who would love to have the opportunity to stay home with their kids and I do have the opportunity but I'm passing it up (even though it will only be for 8 hours a week-my night classes start after they go to bed in the evening so they really don't miss me then).

So wwyd? Would you do the preschool for both of them and take some day classes? It could help me graduate earlier, get the 2nd major that I actually want etc. There is part of me that is saying "suck it up, it's only 8 hours, they will be fine and it will probably be good for all of us" and then there is the other part that feels guilty about even thinking it, like incredibly guilty.

And a disclaimer, I don't want this to turn into a debate on whether it is better or not better to send kids to daycare preschool etc. I know many people have to send their kids to some sort of childcare much earlier than this and I am lucky to even be able to make the decision because we want to not because we have to. I'm just hoping to find others who have maybe been in a similar situation who can talk me down off the tip top of the mommy guilt tower.


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Old 08-24-2010, 10:09 PM   #2
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Re: I'm going back to school but having SAHM guilt

I'm right up on that tower with you. Today was my first day back to work after maternity leave. I've been sneaking away to cry, privately, for longer than I care to admit now. Every fiber of me feels wrong for going back to work, but I need to. My husband was laid off, and cannot find work and I found work - so what to do? No choice there really. I keep telling myself that I am doing the best for my little one, and that she is with her Daddy being loved like crazy all day, but it has yet to make it better. If I had a magic wand to wave and make this guilt and sadness and fear go away I'd share it with you.
My two cents would be: do what is right for you, you won't be able to get years back with your children and your education is also important. Remember to be a good role model for them, and love them like crazy - if you're at school or at home. You'll know the right answer, and if you choose one way and decide to change your mind, there is an amazing lesson in that to be learned as well.
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