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Old 08-24-2010, 08:19 PM   #1
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single working mama living with her mama and currently fighting with her.

I havent been on here in forever! Hi mamas!

Heres my dilemma :

I'm a single working (60+hours a week) mama with a 2 year ds. I will start from there since it would be a even longer chat if i discussed why i'm a single mama. I've had to move in with my mother(& dad) . at first i didnt have a job. so i took care of my son and the chores of the household and helped out with my 14 year old sister ...running her places. Now that I'm working i obviously have less time with my son and try my best at chores. But I would like to sleep at some point! granted these are the years that i wont get sleep.

I had a couple days off in a row which never happens. so i decided to go away with my son to my sisters a few hours away. the day before i left i had tons to do... including starting a class i signed up before, pack, errands, etc.
And that nite my mom decided to release her feelings on me on how i'm ungreatful, dont do enough, dont watch my son enough, dont help out enough. (p.s i decided to take off to my sisters so i wouldnt go off on her cuz i'm having to bite my tongue left and right to live there )

The conversation ended with me telling her i could move out and put my son in day care ( she watches him) her response :that wasnt a option and i wouldn't make it on my own.

before i got to my sisters my mom had already texted her "to get to her first"
so currently i'm on a ciesta at my sisters. my moms not talking to me. i have my son with me. and i'm at a complete loss of what to do. i work on friday so i need to be back by then.
so either leave my moms house and she and my family will end up not talking to me. or i stay and swallow my being ( pride ) to give my son a good life. (the last line she said)

Then ive been thinking maybe this is my shove out the door like tough love. but i think she should know that i'm not 100 % prepared yet.


ugh,... I could use input as i dont know who to turn to so i'm counting on my mamas.

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Old 08-24-2010, 08:58 PM   #2
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Re: single working mama living with her mama and currently fighting with her.

Wow. I have been in this EXACT situation before, it's crazy b/c I really could've written this myself. Anyway, honestly I think the best thing that you could do is to suck it up as much as you can and tell your mom that she is right, even if she's not. It is more important for your DS to have a stable home than prove your mom wrong. When you get back home save as much as you possibly can and start getting serious about getting out of that house. Then once you can do it responsibly you really have the power to be on your own.
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Old 08-24-2010, 09:03 PM   #3
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Re: single working mama living with her mama and currently fighting with her.

Look into section 8 housing. I have been where you are and my mom and I fought like cats and dogs....it didn't matter how much or what I did, or how much I contributed to be with her. And my 3 br apt, cost me 1/3 of what my mother had been charging me once I was approved for section 8.
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Old 08-25-2010, 06:33 AM   #4
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Re: single working mama living with her mama and currently fighting with her.

thanks mamas for your thoughts
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Old 08-25-2010, 07:17 AM   #5
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Re: single working mama living with her mama and currently fighting with her.

I think you should move out. There are many excellent daycares out there that would be affordable for a single mother. You have to get out on your own eventually. Living dependent on your parents at your age and you being a mother yourself is a very tricky balance to have. You ARE dependent on them so they now have a say in how you do things OR do you think you and your mother could have a calm discussion about who has what responsibilities? I understand you are working a lot but if you are a part of the household, you should be chipping in with chores, finances, etc (not saying that you aren't). I don't understand why your parents would be upset if you moved since they are having all these issues with you living there in the first place. Hope you get it worked out. In the end, you need to make this decision regardless of what your family thinks. It would be pretty petty of them to cut you out just because you went your own way. Even if they do that, you can't let them hold you back from starting a new life with your son.
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Old 08-25-2010, 07:25 AM   #6
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Re: single working mama living with her mama and currently fighting with her.

I would get ont he list for section 8, substidized day care, and any other service you qualify for. I would calmly tell your mother you will do what you have to for now to live there, but are planning to move as soon as you can. The reason I would prepare her for your move is so she cannot say that you left her high and dry.
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Old 08-25-2010, 01:02 PM   #7
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Re: single working mama living with her mama and currently fighting with her.

wow. does your mom know my mom? cause my mom says the same stuff.
I'm sorry you going through this. ((hugs))
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Old 08-25-2010, 01:59 PM   #8
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Re: single working mama living with her mama and currently fighting with her.

I agree with some other posters. Get some community help and get out! It sounds like a power struggle!
Maybe working things out with your son's father...I don't know the situation, but just a thought.
You can go to your local human services and see what services they offer!
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Old 08-25-2010, 08:48 PM   #9
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Re: single working mama living with her mama and currently fighting with her.

I was 18 when I got pregnant with DS. My mother wouldn't allow me to live at home. It seemed horrible at the time, but I am SOOOO glad now.

Being on my own really helped me to be my own kind of mother. No one looking over my shoulder, passing judgement on my methods.

If at all possible, I'd start looking for an apartment and a daycare.

Do you have to work 60 hrs per week? You probably won't be able to find a daycare to watch your DS that long (the law limits it to 10 hrs of care per day in my state). Can you cut your hours back? And if you're working that much, you might make too much to qualify for subsidized daycare.... Your local child services website should have the income guidelines posted. Crunch the numbers and see if you end up better financially by cutting back hours to get a subsidy, or if you would be better off working all the hours and paying for daycare yourself.
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