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Old 09-06-2010, 06:50 PM   #1
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"kids, you have an older brother.... and we never told you"

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Old 09-06-2010, 07:38 PM   #2
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Re: "kids, you have an older brother.... and we never told you"

No experience, but I say keep it simple, something like "Daddy had another baby before you were born. He has another mommy, but you both have the same Daddy, and he loves you both." I am assuming that your husband is now going to have to pay CS and have visitation? Or not? Is there a reason your kids really DO need to know right now? If there isn't a big push to explain, I just wouldn't right now either. I have a 7 year old, she doens't know all about the birds and the bees yet, so it would be hard to explain. If your son goes to school he probably does know kids who live with their mom and not their dad. That was something I Had a hard time explaining when my DD went to kindergarten, but wejust said all families are different, Sally's mommy and daddy don't want to live together anymore, and sometimes it makes Sally mad/angry. (the little girl was lashing out, we felt we should explain, she would complain about having to go to either moms or dads house, ect.
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Old 09-06-2010, 08:50 PM   #3
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Re: "kids, you have an older brother.... and we never told you"

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Old 09-07-2010, 10:40 AM   #4
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Re: "kids, you have an older brother.... and we never told you"

Could you find a book or movie at the library or something that had half-siblings in it to help them understand the relationship?
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Old 09-07-2010, 01:03 PM   #5
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Re: "kids, you have an older brother.... and we never told you"

My oldest boys are half-siblings to each other, and to my own kids. I'm not sure about DSS1, but 11yo DSS2 still has a hard time with the half concept, and he's grown up knowing about all of his halves. (4 half-brothers, 2 half-sisters) Didn't help that for a while one of his grandmothers was insisting DSS1 wasn't his brother but that his half-sister was a full sibling.

The advice from DH and me is keep it simple. He has another brother that he will possibly get to play with sometimes (?), other than that, nothing should really change in his world. IMO I wouldn't play so much into "and daddy loves you both" because I could see a 7yo's internal reaction being along the lines of 'if he loves HIM as much as me, why have I never heard of this brother before?'
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Old 09-07-2010, 01:12 PM   #6
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Re: "kids, you have an older brother.... and we never told you"

We're in a similar situation. My husband's ex did as much as she could to keep my husband and my stepson from forming a relationship for most of his life. She recently decided she doesn't want my stepson anymore since she's getting divorced and he came to live with us last month.

I think kids are pretty accepting. Our 7 year old took it in stride. We told him that he had another brother who was coming to live with us and he was good with it (he LOVES having brothers). He knows that I'm not his brother's mom but we don't do halves around here. Everyone is just a brother. I don't think our 4 year old cares either way.
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Old 09-07-2010, 01:35 PM   #7
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Re: "kids, you have an older brother.... and we never told you"

Just be honest. My DD has siblings that she doesnt know. Her bio father abandoned us when I was pregnant, saw her at 3 days old. We have always been truthful with her. He has 3 children now and she knows that she has 1/2 siblings that someday she will meet. She has known since she was 6 that he had children.

Kids are very accepting.
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Old 09-07-2010, 01:39 PM   #8
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Re: "kids, you have an older brother.... and we never told you"

Children have an amazing ability to see things for what they are and to understand them. I think your child will understand this without it being a big deal. A simple and honest explanation that is not overly-wordy will suffice and then answer any questions that might come up. We don't have this in our house but several of my nieces and nephews have this situation where other kids have popped up and everyone understands. I hope it goes well for you!
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