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Old 09-08-2010, 01:17 PM   #111
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Re: Asked not to nurse my son at church b/c...

BTDT.....

I was basically kicked out of my old church because of this issue mama. My advice to you is either stand your ground or move on to another church. I left the church because after the "meeting" with the pastor and council I was left feeling totally violated and could not trust the pastor at all.

Not only was I told that I was causing my fellow christian to stumble but I was also compared to a prostitute and told I was setting a bad example for the teenagers.

((hugs )) to you and feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to. I know how you feel right now and it is a horrible feeling.

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Old 09-08-2010, 01:18 PM   #112
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Re: Asked not to nurse my son at church b/c...

It may be the male's problem but coming from a Bible's perspective. It says to not do things that will cause your brother to stumble. I am a founder of our church and a leader I never nurse without a cover its rude and why would you want someone to see your boobs. I dont mind if its just women but when other men are there I feel like I am disrespecting my husband because we are married and he should be the only man to see me like that, minus men in the medical field like my OB. Anyway I am not trying to be rude or judgmental in anyway so please dont take it like that. I am sure its frustrating but you have to think about how it makes others around you feel and if it involves someone not wanting to come to church or embarrassed to be there then I would definitely re-consider. Good luck!
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Old 09-08-2010, 01:19 PM   #113
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Re: Asked not to nurse my son at church b/c...

It sounds like you are already being as discreet as possible, and while I don't think you should "flaunt" NIP as a response, I don't think you should have to hide either.

Your child is a member of the church as well, just as much as this other man. I know not everyone agrees with that, but it is my personal opinion. I think it is crucial for children to be treated as a part of church, and not inconveniences. Successful spiritual development in a child is due in large part to community, and being welcomed and accepted in that community of believers. Perhaps your pastor needs a reminder that this is not just you as a member against him as a member, but your child is one as well.

If a mother is more comfortable and she and her child will benefit from the solace of a nursing mothers room, she should certainly make use of it. Perhaps she would be too preoccupied with keeping her little one quiet or from distracting others, and would therefore be able to absorb more in a tucked away room should she so choose.

But women and children should not be forced into that segregation simply because the child has physical needs that must be met in addition to his spiritual ones.

Hmm, let me find an excerpt from an author who says it better than I can. Ivy Beckwith -

Quote:
Faith is not something that develops in a vacuum. Having faith, understanding faith, exploring faith, and questioning faith are not solo activities. These things are meant to be done with others who are on the same path or looking for the same path. These things are meant to be done with people older than us, the same age as us, and younger than us. These things are meant to be done with people who look, think, and live differently than we do.
Living in faith community is not always easy, but I think it is truly the most enriching when people who are different come together to journey together on the same path - and that group included "different" people like children and nursing mothers.

I don't think the answer is to sequester you and any other nursing moms in a room away from the rest of the church in an attempt to ignore the issue at hand.

What keeps the man from having lustful thoughts about what you are doing in your glaring absence since he knows what you are doing simply because you are not in the sanctuary? Should the women begin wearing loose, sack dresses so not even a hint of the curvature of one's breast can be seen? Veils over their faces?

If a man is handsome, and causes a woman to think lustful thoughts about how great his butt looks in those pants, should he be required to go about church in a wheelchair so as not to cause the woman to stumble as she watches his glorious backside walk by?

Or maybe some personal accountability needs to be in place as well. It is certainly my place to help my brothers and sisters in their walk. It is also my place to help them be accountable for THEIR sins, in a firm and loving way. Hiding away and pretending that a member isn't lusting inappropriately does not fix that member's issues. It is not as if the OP is whipping out a bare boob, walking around with it hanging out, and telling the man "OMG stop lusting!" She is already being discreet and mindful of others in her actions.
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Old 09-08-2010, 01:21 PM   #114
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Re: Asked not to nurse my son at church b/c...

OMG. No way. I am really active in my church and if I was asked that I would be insulted. I wonder if Mary used a cover to breastfeed Jesus? I nurse very discretely while another mama does the other the top of the shirt, bare it all, kind of thing. LOL. She uses the nursery to nurse, while I will nurse anywhere. If my own husband who is STARING at me while I nurse doens't see nipple than a person who is NOT 2in from me shouldn't see it either.
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Old 09-08-2010, 01:21 PM   #115
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Re: Asked not to nurse my son at church b/c...

I am going to come off first and be honest I am a non christian but I will say we went to church when we lived in NY (dh is christian) and one church was all about making you feel lower than lower and about everything you did wrong. I was judge harshly and had a whole service devoted to having a child out of wedlock. (yep my son that I conceived when I a date raped) this was a church my DH was a member of for years.

We left I couldn't sit in that kind of place and DH was fuming

Then we tried a little church not far from our home. It was a nice church and I would go back again if we lived near it. one sunday a new couple was there with thier daughter and she cried the mom went to get up and the pastor said ma'am your in the lords house and he loves the noises children make please sit and enjoy the service (it also went with the point he was making)

That church was a great mix. there feeling was everyone was welcomed. They didn't have a nursing room. but had a different area of the hall you could sit if you want to to nurse.

Honestly I would email her something like

Ok I get what you are saying and asking and we need to work this out. I would tell her how you feel as a founder of this church to be demoted to across the building to nurse and that this is an issue that you and the other founders need to work out. I would also have your hubby take a pic of you nursing and email it to her (maybe even wear the clothes you were wearing that day) so she can see what this young man saw. And you can ask her what is wrong and why you would need a cover and then explain that a cover 9 times out of 10 brings more attention then the way you do.

I would try and work with her but let her know your feelings on it and her asking you to hand out flyers to other BF moms but asking them to leave if the child needs to eat. Tell her can't hand out those flyers until this issue is resolved. Explain that even if you leave for the sake of the man that there will be others so it needs to be worked out is there going to be a nursing room for the mothers that isn't hard to get to and makes one feel ashamed because they are feeding their child the way (your)god made you too?

Church to me is respect but it has to come from both sides and that's what lacking with what is being asked of you. you are being asked to show all the respect and this man who starred at you during church isn't asked of anything. What is he giving up? You as a founder as being asked to give up important things to for this member and while I get that happens how can this church be a community if you are floors away and have to watch via the internet. Heck I wouldn't leave home then.

I am sorry you are dealing with this. I would walk away but I am not of your faith and those games bore me. Good luck I am sure there is away you can work this out though just take some time to think about it before you react
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Old 09-08-2010, 01:22 PM   #116
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Re: Asked not to nurse my son at church b/c...

Id be speaking to others in your church about this. Its the males issue not yours, Im sorry but whoever can get turned on by something so natural has more issues then you know. You were covered as you nurse like I do and if he has issues he can leave.
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Old 09-08-2010, 01:32 PM   #117
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Re: Asked not to nurse my son at church b/c...

So sorry OP I too have been in your situation. I was asked by told by the pastor and his wife(BIL and SIL) that if I need to "do that" to feel free to walk up to the front I'd the church and go in the pastors office to nurse. I only attend this church maybe 5x's a year. If I were you I'd not cause a fight, but I'd tell the pastor that leaving the service to go to a room as far away as she's asking you to so is potentially damaging to your participation in a move of God. I agree with the suggestion that the man with the lust issue should sit up front so what goes on with others won't be as much of a distraction to him.

I'd also do what she asked and advertise at your breastfeeding group. Maybe if there was more than one breastfeeding mom the pastor would see how mainstream us breastfeeding women are and that we can be discreet.
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Old 09-08-2010, 01:33 PM   #118
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Re: Asked not to nurse my son at church b/c...

.

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Old 09-08-2010, 01:34 PM   #119
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Re: Asked not to nurse my son at church b/c...

I'd totally get that Jesus and Mary pic done into a tshirt on cafepress.
To those who think she should be held to a higher standard, breastfeeding IS the higher standard!!!
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Old 09-08-2010, 01:38 PM   #120
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Re: Asked not to nurse my son at church b/c...

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Peanut* View Post
Yes, guys who get turned on by boobies must have deep, deep issues....
I don't think I understand why you feel like you have to defend this man's position so vehemently? Obviously he feels he does have an issue since he brought it before the pastor and admitted to being turned on by the sight of a woman breastfeeding. Not by the sight of her bare breasts, or how she looked in a tight shirt, but by her discreetly breastfeeding. IMHO, that IS an issue. And apparently in his opinion as well or he wouldn't have told his pastor.
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