Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-03-2010, 02:22 PM   #1
Celeste's Avatar
Celeste
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 4,732
My Mood:
Kind of jealous of DH...

His life is so relatively uninterrupted by children & pregnancies. I often feel this way, but especially when I'm pregnant. I don't think it just has to do with the hormones, either. I'm just so uncomfortable & can't sleep & still have to do almost all of the childcare & all of the housework. He works hard in the ER, but for example, he has 11 days off in a row right now. He has done some projects around the house, but he gets to do his work uninterrupted, kid free because I am keeping the girls out of the way. He doesn't have to stop to make a meal, break up a fight, put kids down for naps...he just gets to do whatever it is he has planned straight through without stopping, except to eat a meal that I've prepared or to go to the bathroom (ALONE!!). And when the job is done, it doesn't get undone by little hands. If he needs to run to the store, he just goes. Then he can wander around & look at the things that interest him & spend an hour & a half at Home Depot. If I want to "run out" to get something, I have to make sure Faith has a clean diaper, Ava has gone potty, everyone has shoes, cups, snacks in case someone melts down, everyone buckled in carseats, haul myself in & out of the car, etc. etc. You get the point. DH isn't a jerk about stuff, he just gets to live his life pretty much unhindered & I am jealous!! I LOVE my kids, but there are times I just want to not have a huge belly & go somewhere easily & alone.

Ok, vent over. <sigh>

Advertisement

__________________
: Blessed wife to Jon, homeschooling Mama to Ava Catherine (1-6-07), Faith Olivia (3-17-09) , and Eli David (11-30-10), my sweet little guy!
Celeste is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2010, 02:30 PM   #2
jenn5388's Avatar
jenn5388
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Marysville, WA
Posts: 4,406
My Mood:
Re: Kind of jealous of DH...

I'm not pregnant, just lurking around.. but I totally get that. DH hardly does any of the childcare stuff around here. He gets to sleep when he wants to, eat when he wants to, PEE when he wants to, alone.. Can go to the store and not be expected to take the kids or anyone else if he doesn't want to.. and i don't think they get how lucky they really are. lol
__________________
Jennifer; Mom to:
Miranda Isabel(ASD/Anxiety/ODD/SPD) (10) Jacob David(Anxiety/SPD)(6)
& Levi Alexander(ASD/Anxiety/SPD) (3)
jenn5388 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2010, 02:31 PM   #3
mkbdvm's Avatar
mkbdvm
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 2,773
My Mood:
Re: Kind of jealous of DH...

Hugs mama, I feel the same way and am not pregnant. I am often jealous that DH can and WILL take time to himself (like go fishing for several hours while I spend time with the girls).

We both work FT, but he works restaurant hours and I'm left to come home after a long day (at a semi-stressful job-not a sit on my butt and talk to people on the phone or hang out in front of a computer job) and pick up the girls around 530, have to get dinner done, baths, stories, bedtime by 7:30. Then I have to clean up the dinner mess, do laundry, get stuff ready for the next day (diapers and expressed milk for daycare) and get about 1 hour to myself before bedtime.

THe lame part; DH often encourages me to "get lost" for a couple of hours on our ONE mutual day off and when I'm with the girls I long for a break, but when I'm not with them, I don't want to be gone for long, I want to hang out with them. It's so silly.

Anyway, sorry for the novella. I understand your feelings!
mkbdvm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2010, 02:56 PM   #4
geetabean's Avatar
geetabean
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Carolinas
Posts: 1,283
My Mood:
Re: Kind of jealous of DH...

I feel your pain, but it usually only bothers me for the first 3 months after I have a baby.....when I'm the only food source and I can't be away for very long and I'm in that bad hormonal place. Which by the way is happening shortly since I'll have a new little one (#3) in 4 days! Most of the time though my hubby is really understanding of me having time away from the kiddos and he makes sure to give me that time. And if I ever feel overwhelmed I just tell him and we make time for me to have to myself.

Have you ever talked to you DH about how you feel and told him that you NEED to have more time away from the kids? Unless my hubbs is at work and I need to go to the store, I always try and go when he can watch them, and when he wants to go to Home Depot, I tell him to take at least one of the girls with him. Occasionally on Friday nights he'll get home from work and I'll just tell him I need mama time and I let him do dinner and bedtime by himself and I go out to the fabric store, or book store and eat dinner by myself somewhere.

I guess I'm saying.....just make time for yourself! If you're capable of hauling kiddos to the store and being interrupted during projects and having company all the time, then so is he. It sounds like you are choosing to shoulder the responsibility of watching your kids all the time so he can get things done, but unless you WANT it to be that way, it doesn't have to be that way. Good luck mama. I hope you get some time off!
__________________
G + D = M (9/06), C (5/08), E (10/10)
and S (5/14)
geetabean is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2010, 03:03 PM   #5
isabelsmummy
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 3,755
Re: Kind of jealous of DH...

I totally know what you mean! (and I'm not pregnant either)

BUT... if he has 11 days off in a row there is no reason at all that you should not get 5 days where you can do what you want uninterrupted either! Fair is fair. They are his children too and while you may be the homemaker when he is at work but when he is at home it should be a shared household.

Don't be apologetic. Just say you are going grocery shopping and GO! Alone!!
isabelsmummy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2010, 03:14 PM   #6
steph410's Avatar
steph410
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 6,096
My Mood:
Re: Kind of jealous of DH...

totally agree with this. good luck to you. he should help more it sounds like.

Quote:
Originally Posted by geetabean View Post
It sounds like you are choosing to shoulder the responsibility of watching your kids all the time so he can get things done, but unless you WANT it to be that way, it doesn't have to be that way. Good luck mama. I hope you get some time off!
__________________
Catholic mom to five wonderful little boys- we welcomed our newest baby on 4/6/13
steph410 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2010, 03:35 PM   #7
Mum2Addison's Avatar
Mum2Addison
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Edwards AFB, CA
Posts: 385
My Mood:
Re: Kind of jealous of DH...

I often feel like the default parent. If we both need to run errands it is assumed that I'm taking DD. If we are both doing something/working on a project it is assumed that I will stop all work and make dinner and do the bedtime stuff.

For the most part I don't mind or really hold it against him. He isn't around DD all during the day and DD and I sort of get into a routine. However, if I tell him he needs to be doing more he is really good about including her in 'his' activities or taking her to the store by himself etc. Honestly he doesn't really realise it until I mention it, but then works hard to fix it.

DD is now 4 1/2 and I find that they do loads more just the two of them then before and I think it is because she is older and can 'do' more of the things he does. She loves to go out and help him trim rose bushes or do projects with him (they just made a frame for a mushroom house out of wood and she was wearing her safty goggles and handing him wood glue, etc., very cute).
__________________
*)
.*)
. .*) .*)
(. (.* .
`-*Brigette.*`.:*

Mummy to Addison (4/06) and Freya (12/10) AF Wife to Matt
Mum2Addison is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2010, 06:17 PM   #8
Celeste's Avatar
Celeste
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 4,732
My Mood:
Re: Kind of jealous of DH...

You guys are right - it would be totally fair for me to have the same amount of days off as him. And I do shoulder a lot of the kid/home responsibility, partly because we are a pretty traditional family, and partly because I just know the most effective way to get stuff done. I do get a "night off" here & there...maybe once or twice a month. Twice this pregnancy he's taken the girls to his parents' house for the whole day & I've been alone. When DH is home, he is rarely sitting around, doing nothing (although there is a lot of SportsCenter going on these last few days, and now the Braves are in the play-offs...great...). He's working around the house, which I guess he thinks gives him a reason to not pay attention to anything else. Well, I don't think he actually has thought through it like that. He just hasn't ever had to think of it, you know? That's what I'm jealous of. That he hasn't ever had to be pregnant & uncomfortable, that he hasn't ever had to be the one on-call all night long, that he hasn't had to nurse a baby for a year +. I think I'm just whiny & DONE with pregnancy & nursing (even though I love nursing my babies). It's been 4 1/2 years since I've been pregnant/nursing, sometimes both at the same time & that's what I'm looking forward to being done with. Even when I get time off for myself, I'm still 7 1/2 months pregnant & not comfortable.

Just whining. I should tell him all of this, you're right. I just knew that you guys would be able to sympathize much better than he will.
__________________
: Blessed wife to Jon, homeschooling Mama to Ava Catherine (1-6-07), Faith Olivia (3-17-09) , and Eli David (11-30-10), my sweet little guy!
Celeste is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2010, 11:14 AM   #9
beckstar's Avatar
beckstar
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: san fernando valley, CA
Posts: 6,450
My Mood:
Re: Kind of jealous of DH...

Quote:
Originally Posted by geetabean View Post

Have you ever talked to you DH about how you feel and told him that you NEED to have more time away from the kids? Unless my hubbs is at work and I need to go to the store, I always try and go when he can watch them, and when he wants to go to Home Depot, I tell him to take at least one of the girls with him. Occasionally on Friday nights he'll get home from work and I'll just tell him I need mama time and I let him do dinner and bedtime by himself and I go out to the fabric store, or book store and eat dinner by myself somewhere.

I guess I'm saying.....just make time for yourself! If you're capable of hauling kiddos to the store and being interrupted during projects and having company all the time, then so is he. It sounds like you are choosing to shoulder the responsibility of watching your kids all the time so he can get things done, but unless you WANT it to be that way, it doesn't have to be that way. Good luck mama. I hope you get some time off!
this!

i felt the SAME way up until recently when i finally hit my capacity and had to say...ok this is ALL i can do, you have to do more! especially now, since we have TWO babies on the way and two toddlers in the house...AND a teenager...i just told him...hey man, you haven't cleaned a toilet in 11 years!! why do you think that is?

we also talked about night shifts when the twins come...and now when our youngest wakes in the night, he KIND of wakes up and shhh's her...so i know he's trying...hehe. he's also doing small tasks around the house w/o being asked...and is DEFINITELY doing the stuff i ask him to...with a smile and a 'of course, dear', even...

and all it took was me asking...imagine that!! ive been really good about doing it all...even when i was working f/t...and i noticed that i was getting very resentful...and add that to hormonal...well it wasn't pretty.

but he came around. he really wants to make me happy...he's just a 'dumb guy' (his words) and needs to be reminded/asked/given a list...

good luck! i hope you get the break you need!
__________________
becky. no vax, no circ, extended bf'ing, babywearing, homebirthing multiples mama to: m (3/10/96), o (8/10/07), p (5/11/09) r (2/14/11) and l (2/15/11) and r (12/25/13)
do you swag? you totally should. free money for searching.
beckstar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2010, 12:40 PM   #10
Mommy2Zara's Avatar
Mommy2Zara
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,027
My Mood:
Re: Kind of jealous of DH...

I'm totally jealous of DH. It really bugs me that he continues to play hockey (we usually both play) and commits to extra games and plans tournaments and trips that he knows I can't participate in. He also wants me to continue to come to all the games and support him, even though I feel like crap sometimes and am just so tired...all I want to do is stay home so I can rest and get the baby in bed on time.


This is a sore spot for us because after having my daughter, he promised that I could play all the extra games. However, when there was nobody else to watch DD, I was the one that ended up sitting out
Now that we're going to have 2 under 2 for next season, we'll see what happens.
I just wish he'd cut back a little and realize that it's no fun to be out late at night (games are often at 10-11pm), chasing a cranky toddler around, when your pregnant on top of it! Especially when he's the one playing and I wish I could be....

Sorry, vent over

I do understand though. He goes about his life without having to plan for the kids, pack diaper bags, and generally just deal with all the logistics of it all.
Sometimes I just want to pee without a toddler hanging on my legs!
__________________
Karen, wife to the best 'n hubby ever, C. Mom to DS, J (1/1996), DSD, M (2/2001) my spunky Zara (7/7/2009). AND our very active toddler, Maya 4/30/2011!
no longer in diapers
Mommy2Zara is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.