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Old 11-01-2010, 12:35 PM   #1
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"Appropriate" affection

DS is a very sweet and loving boy, but at 3 going on 4 it's time I teach him appropriate ways to show affection. I'm just not sure how. He loves his sister to death, and loves to kiss her on the lips, but since they're both young their kisses are sort of sloppy and lingering. I'm trying to teach them to kiss on the cheek. My biggest problem is ds's interactions with strangers. He's one of those "hi" kids. The problem is, he will say hi and if the other child/person doesn't say hi back he will continue to say it over and over and practically chase the other person down. Yesterday we went to the pumpkin patch and he was sitting next to a girl on the hay ride who seemed a bit shy. He kept saying hi over and over and was all in her face. How do I teach him that 1 hi is enough? It seems that some kids are a bit stand offish of shy and they just stare at him and I don't want anyone's feeling to get hurt. I don't want my son to come across as weird. I'm just not sure how to correct his behavior without him being ashamed of who he is.

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Old 11-01-2010, 01:12 PM   #2
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Re: "Appropriate" affection

My 4 year old is the same way...he thinks nothing about running up to his friends and giving them hugs multiple times during playdates, putting his arm around their shoulders, sitting *really* close, and being so nice that its annoying to the other kids...one of his little friends just laughs about it and will put his hands on Ash's shoulders, pretend to shake him, and say "you.have.to.calm.down.MAN!", its kinda cute...but you can tell he's a little overwhelming to other kids & some kids already think he's the "weird kid". We just tell him that he has to be calm & quiet and keep his hands to himself and that not everybody likes to be as loud & touchy as he does.
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Old 11-01-2010, 01:21 PM   #3
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Re: "Appropriate" affection

This is my son, too. He's 3-1/2, super outgoing, will say hi to anyone and joins in with other kids, no problem. He will also put his arm around a friend, whether old or new, and give a kiss on the cheek. We're very affectionate at home, so I think this isn't necessarily a bad thing... I'd much rather him give someone a kiss than sock them in the tummy (not that that hasn't happened, too!).

I haven't told him not to kiss other children or not say hi, because I think he has a really sweet spirit and I just don't want to break that. Now, if he's still doing this at 6, then yeah, we'll have to talk about it a little more. I wouldn't worry about it too much at this age unless the other kids are getting upset. Then intervene.
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Old 11-01-2010, 01:24 PM   #4
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Re: "Appropriate" affection

As a counselor I would whisper to him maybe she is shy or just doesn't want to talk to you, then continue the conversation or explanation away from the other child.
As a mother I would say out-loud the same thing but with the intent to make the other mother feel as though her child was weird or rude, lol I know it sounds mean but the fact may just be that the others parents should be made aware of their child's rude or inappropriate social skills. Sigh, idk.
As for the affection, the best thing would be to model the behavior you want him to show. If you want him to kiss on the cheek then you should do so to him and others, tell him to kiss on the cheek, and show by pointing out where kisses should be given. example, kiss his cheek, and tell him to give you a kiss as you tap your cheek so he knows where to give it. Model, model, model
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Old 11-01-2010, 01:27 PM   #5
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Re: "Appropriate" affection

As a mom of a seriously shy kid (he's autistic) I love it when kids like yours are right in his face. Last year at his preschool there was a little boy that would do the "hi" thing all the time. My Benji is basically non-verbal but this boy would stay after him until Benji finally said "hi" back. Towards then end of the school year Benji would say it right away and then brace himself for the hug to follow Your son would make a great special ed teacher

My oldest loves people. he was never a big kisser so I didn't have to go through that. He's nearly 6 and now he likes to think of compliments. He's also used to his brother's ways so I think he's a little more in tune for when kids don't want to talk. I'd say just keep teaching him that some kids are afraid of strangers, even kids. Kisses on the cheek idea is great, or just teach him to say I Love You instead. Brady also likes to hold hands
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Old 11-01-2010, 01:32 PM   #6
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Re: "Appropriate" affection

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Originally Posted by krispy79 View Post
As a counselor I would whisper to him maybe she is shy or just doesn't want to talk to you, then continue the conversation or explanation away from the other child.
As a mother I would say out-loud the same thing but with the intent to make the other mother feel as though her child was weird or rude, lol I know it sounds mean but the fact may just be that the others parents should be made aware of their child's rude or inappropriate social skills. Sigh, idk.
As for the affection, the best thing would be to model the behavior you want him to show. If you want him to kiss on the cheek then you should do so to him and others, tell him to kiss on the cheek, and show by pointing out where kisses should be given. example, kiss his cheek, and tell him to give you a kiss as you tap your cheek so he knows where to give it. Model, model, model
Wow, so as a COUNSELOR yourself, your personal solution as a mother would be to make the other mother and child feel bad for being super nice to your child?! Yeah, pretty rude. I think saying something to the mom in private is great if it bothers you, but to make a big deal of it so everyone feels uncomfortable? Just *wow*.
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Old 11-01-2010, 01:49 PM   #7
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Re: "Appropriate" affection

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Originally Posted by LauraJane429 View Post
Wow, so as a COUNSELOR yourself, your personal solution as a mother would be to make the other mother and child feel bad for being super nice to your child?! Yeah, pretty rude. I think saying something to the mom in private is great if it bothers you, but to make a big deal of it so everyone feels uncomfortable? Just *wow*.
Yea I was thinking the same, I don't think a kid being shy is considered "rude or inappropriate..."
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Old 11-01-2010, 02:10 PM   #8
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Re: "Appropriate" affection

As a mom of three shy kids, I would be extremely offended if another mother intentionally said something to make me or my child feel bad for being shy. I dont make snide comments to my child regarding yours' agressive affection and how they are sitting so quietly instead of telling your kid to back-off, even though I may be thinking that its a little too much. Not every child is outgoing, in-your-face and comfortable talking or responding to new children (or adults). I dont think that makes them rude or lacking social skills.
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Old 11-01-2010, 03:08 PM   #9
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Re: "Appropriate" affection

With my child, who sometimes invades personal space, I simply remind her to respect the personal space of others and if she is in their face talking and they're not interested I let her know that the other child may be a little shy or not interested in talking right now. I'd ask her to give them some time to decide if they'd like to interact with her and suggest she maybe sit next to the child and speak softly so they're not overwhelmed by her. Usually the other kiddo either starts talking softly, looking at her or walks away... either way she doesn't take it badly and moves on to the next child until she finds someone who will respond.
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Old 11-01-2010, 03:55 PM   #10
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Re: "Appropriate" affection

Mel, its moms like you who teach your child about things like this, that moms like me appreciate so much. Thanks! :smile:
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