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Old 11-01-2010, 05:35 PM   #11
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Re: "Appropriate" affection

As far as the kissing goes, maybe just talk about how, when we kiss on the cheek, we pass less germs and won't make each other sick? That way it doesn't make anyone feel bad, just a good hygiene practice like washing our hands.

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Old 11-01-2010, 09:00 PM   #12
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Re: "Appropriate" affection

Thanks for the replies ladies. That is one of my main concerns, teaching my child to be sensitive to other children without making the shy child feel bad.
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Old 11-01-2010, 09:17 PM   #13
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Re: "Appropriate" affection

I have one over affectionate child and one sort of shy child. Kearnan does not get the concept of personal space or strangers. Everyone he meets is his best buddy. They want to be hugged and learn his entire life story and all of his interests or what he is doing that day. People do not believe me when I tell them he is ASD because he is "just too social". Yep, part of the problem is that he isn't "appropriately social." I can't get him to quit and he doesn't understand that not everyone wants him in their space or wants a hug from him. Moms on the playground are usually thrilled that he is so kind and gentle with their younger toddlers, but other kids his age don't like his constant over bearing attitude. I try to pull him aside and remind him about personal space and giving people breathing room. He needs a lot of coaching about giving other people a chance to be the leader, to make their own choices, and to not always be touching other people. I don't mind if he wants to hug his friends, if his friends don't mind, but he needs to know the people he is hugging. Tharen on the other hand will chat a blue streak to anyone over the age of about 12 but hides behind his brother or dh or I if another child gets near him. I try to encourage him to play with other little kids. I don't want him to seem rude when the other little ones just want to play, but I want him to be comfortable and true to himself as well.
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Old 11-01-2010, 10:27 PM   #14
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Re: "Appropriate" affection

I have an extremely outgoing 2.5 year old. He tries to kiss and hug strangers a lot. I just tell him "she/he doesn't want to hug, but I'll give you a hug" or something along those lines usually. We are working on it, he has absolutely no sense of personal space and I know other kids find it frightening and annoying. If he is being really pushy I give him a warning then we just leave.
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Old 11-03-2010, 02:35 PM   #15
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Re: "Appropriate" affection

DD's school teaches the kids about needing space from a very young age. From day 1 of DD's transition to her new school, one of her classmates was constantly in her face and sitting or standing up against DD. So, at 15-16 months old, DD learned to put her hand out and say "No thank you" to her classmate. The teachers would then say to the classmate, "M wants her space please." After a while DD started to say, "No thank you. I want my space please." The teachers teach all of the kids this and now, the kids respond really well to each other's requests for space. Maybe you could teach your son that people need space and when you see a child resisting his interaction you could quietly say, "I think this little boy/girl wants their space."
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Old 11-03-2010, 03:06 PM   #16
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Re: "Appropriate" affection

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Originally Posted by Mel_C View Post
With my child, who sometimes invades personal space, I simply remind her to respect the personal space of others and if she is in their face talking and they're not interested I let her know that the other child may be a little shy or not interested in talking right now. I'd ask her to give them some time to decide if they'd like to interact with her and suggest she maybe sit next to the child and speak softly so they're not overwhelmed by her. Usually the other kiddo either starts talking softly, looking at her or walks away... either way she doesn't take it badly and moves on to the next child until she finds someone who will respond.
This is exactly what I do with my incredibly high energy and aggressive four year old. We also have lots of discussions at home about personal space and volume levels. She now knows it's not really appropiate to be in someones face shouting "hi! wanna play with me?" ten times over.

I would never ever make a child or parent feel bad if their child about being shy. Some kids are and that's ok. I'd be horrified if someone made a comment about my childs perceived issues with social skills! They're kids and they're all learning still.
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Old 11-03-2010, 09:33 PM   #17
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Re: "Appropriate" affection

The way he is acting is TOTALLY NORMAL. Kids want attention and when they get it they want more! He is being social and there is nothing wrong with that. Let him be, he will be just fine.

Oh, and for the "appropriate" kissing? They are kids and have no idea what "long and lingering" kisses are. They are just kissing how they developmentally can. It is actually hard for young ones to pucker and kiss.
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