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Old 06-07-2007, 01:55 PM   #1
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Need some advise

I just visited a good friend in the hospital. She had her baby boy yesterday morning. I know when she was pregnant she said she planned on bfing and ffing. I figured she knew that if you bf you need to start bfing from the get go and then switch to bottles after the bf relationship is well established.

I asked her if she was nursing and she said felt she already has enough to learn about and that she'll try nursing when she gets home from the hospital. I held back my tongue b/c I was afraid I'd get into lecture mode or it wouldn't come out right (when I feel strongly about something it can sometimes come out in a way that seems that I'm judging- it's the passion but it can come across to some the wrong way) She said that I and another friend offered our support and that she has read a lot of bf books but if it doesn't work out she's not going to stress about it. I told her that she might want to try before leaving the hospital b/c when her milk comes in she might get so engorged the baby might not latch. I used the analogy of a ballon and it being semi inflated vs an over inflated ballon. I told her to at least get the phone number of the lactation consultant before she leaves the hospital - that way she'll have a professional to call if she needs help. I told her that the lc is great- the same one I used when my DD was born @ same hospital a year ago.

My dilemma- I feel like I should've told her more....like how important it is for the baby to get the colostrum, that nursing usually goes best if it's started right away w/out a nipple introduced, that it doesn't necessary come easy for both the mama and the baby, etc. However, I sensed she was feeling already overwhelmed at the moment, uncomfortable about the whole situation, perhaps shy in not wanting the nurses or lc's to see or touch her breasts, etc. What else to I do or say? Do I leave it at that? How do I encourage without seeming to overwhelm or push her?

About her: She's very educated (in general), is more career oriented and plans to go back to work 10-12weeks after and said that she's read up a lot on breastfeeding. This is her first baby- although they realized that they miscarried exactly one year to the day when her baby boy was born yesterday. She's mostly 'mainstreamed' (not very crunchy)

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Old 06-07-2007, 02:51 PM   #2
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Re: Need some advise

I don't think you should stress about it...you let her know that you are supportive of her ad her BF. I'm sure if she is educated and has done reasearch on BF, she knows the importance of the colostrum, nipple confusion, etc. I think some new moms are just overwhelmed with info right after baby is born and can't deal with "one more thing," kwim?? I work in a small ob dept and have to bite my tongue MANY times with new mamas who are wishy-washy about bf and say they're going to bottle feed in the hospital and then bf when they get home. I do my best to educate them and then have to let it go. As much as I want all mamas to BF, I try to respect their wishes and views. Good for you for being there for her!
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Old 06-08-2007, 09:27 AM   #3
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Re: Need some advise

That's a hard one. It seems that she would know that she needs to be nursing now but maybe with all things going on she's not really thinking about what it could do to her supply. I would def. TRY to somehow bring it up that it could cause MAJOR problems. In my opinion though those kind of ppl aren't going to nurse anyway cuz they see formula as the SAME Thing even though we KNOW it's not. She may but it's gonna be hard if the baby is already getting bottles and she's not nursing her milk will not be there if she's not getting it out. Is she at least pumping? Maybe you could as her about that and then explain WHY if she doesn't understand that she needs to tell her body to make the milk.

I do the same thing about sounding judgemental when I'm REALLY trying to ONLY help, especially with breastfeeding. There aren't many ppl who bf around here I'm the ONLY person IRL nrusing a toddler. 6 months is about the longest you hear of. Anyway I'm really trying to help my SIL out without being too upfront about it but I think sometimes I do come off that way, however I just want her to have this GREAT experience that I have had with my dd, KWIM? Good luck though, I totally know how you feel!
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Old 06-08-2007, 11:15 AM   #4
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Re: Need some advise

Thanks mamas. I talked with DH last night about it and we both feel that it's probably best to leave it the way I did. It's hard for me to feel okay about it but that's b/c my strong feelings about bf are there- in reality it's her decision- her baby- her body.

She's supposed to call me in a week or two for help with some meals. In the mean time, I'm praying that she'll call and ask for help (whether it's me, her other friend, or the lc)
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