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Old 03-10-2011, 06:37 PM   #1
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I feel so guilty :(

I am blessed with a wonderful husband of 11 years! He has given me three beautiful children, 4 yr old son, 2 1/2 yr old daughter, 14 mth old son, and are currently 4 mth pregnant with #4.

I just found out today at an ultrasound that we are having another boy and I feel so bummed out and dissappointed. Then I get this horrible feeling of guilt b/c we are so blessed to have another baby on the way and it shouldn't matter boy or girl. I guess I just had my hopes up that we would have a little girl so my daughter had someone to play with and bond with. Not to mention, me have another little girl to dress up and cuddle with. Anyone else have this feeling? How do you get over the dissappointment and the gullt associated with being dissappointed?

Please don't think I am being so selfish and unapppreciative, b/c I really am happy to have another baby and now my 14 mth old son will have another sibbling close to his age.

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Old 03-10-2011, 06:45 PM   #2
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Re: I feel so guilty :(

I haven't had the feeling myself but wanted to say that it's okay to feel this way and completely normal! As far as getting over the disappointment and guilt just give yourself a little time mama to adjust to the news of another boy. Something that might help is think of all the fun things about having a boy and maybe look at one of your ds's newbie pics. and don't feel GUILTY as it's totally normal feelings!
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Old 03-10-2011, 06:46 PM   #3
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Re: I feel so guilty :(

Don't feel bad mama. A lot of people feel that way.

My husband really wanted another boy and was a little disappointed that we are having a third girl, my four year old son was less then pleased at the thought of another sister lol
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Old 03-10-2011, 06:48 PM   #4
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Re: I feel so guilty :(



I felt disappointed when I found out DS was a boy - particularly b/c I wanted my DD to have a sister. DH said he was done having babies, and that made it even harder.

I was able to work through my feelings over the course of the pregnancy, and be happy and thankful when my little boy was born. Though I will admit secretly hoping the u/s were wrong and having a little more adjusting to do after DS's birth when it was really final.

We are now unexpectedly expecting LO #3 - a little girl, and I am so happy, but now also hoping for a surprise #4, and praying it will be a boy, so my baby boy can have a brother someday.

I can sympethize with how you are feeling mama. and I think it's normal. Let yourself work through your feelings, and don't let yourself feel guilty. All of us have some sort of expectation/hope when it comes to a new baby, and it's nothing to feel ashamed about, IMO.

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Old 03-10-2011, 09:03 PM   #5
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Re: I feel so guilty :(

We don't even know what our third is yet (also due in Aug) and likely will not find out and I'm ALREADY feeling guilty because I so badly would like a little girl, just the intense desire and thought of it makes me feel so bad... I know we will love a little boy no less, but I'm ready for a girl.

Just give yourself time to adjust
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Old 03-10-2011, 09:11 PM   #6
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Re: I feel so guilty :(

Totally understand mama! I so badly wanted this one to be a girl too but we are having a boy. To be completely honest, I haven't come to terms with it yet. Even though I love him and know it will be wonderful, I am still sad and I'm due in 2 months.
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Old 03-10-2011, 09:14 PM   #7
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Re: I feel so guilty :(

what you are feeling is called Gender Disappointment. I can assure you that you are not alone in these feelings! I've been there myself. I am days away from having my 3rd son, after wanting a girl SO bad I could taste it. This is our last child (that's the plan, anyway), so I will never be able to have that daughter of my dreams. I was fine with boy #1. I did want at least 1 of each. I was very upset with #2. Even more upset with #3. #3 was my last chance. It's not that I don't love my boys and don't want them. It has nothing to do with THEM. It has everything to do with ME and a dream. It doesn't take away from them at all. Anyway, as my pregnancy progressed, the feelings of disappointment have slowly faded away. Now, being at the end about to meet my new little guy, I can't imagine life any other way. I started to think of all the positives about having 3 boys. Oh, and I can't forget that my SIL is pregnant and due just 4 weeks behind me. Yep, she got her girl wish. Talk about hard for me to deal with! But like I said, I'm at the end now and everything just feels right. I am totally at peace with having another boy now. It just takes time to get there. Give yourself that time!
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Old 03-10-2011, 10:28 PM   #8
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Re: I feel so guilty :(

I'm kinda with you! I'm convinced I'm having a boy (though don't know for sure) and am already a bit sad that I'm not getting my girl... but same, will be thrilled that my 15 month old DS will have a brother so close to his age.

My SIL went through GD pretty badly. She didn't find out with any of her three boys. When her DS3 was born, she wouldn't talk to anyone for days. She said she was in a really dark place, and really wish she had found out his gender ahead of time, to prepare herself. Almost two years later, she admits she's a bit sad she never got her girl, but she loves her boys so much, it's no issue.

Congrats!!!
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Old 03-10-2011, 10:33 PM   #9
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Re: I feel so guilty :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by hippieintraining View Post

My SIL went through GD pretty badly. She didn't find out with any of her three boys. When her DS3 was born, she wouldn't talk to anyone for days. She said she was in a really dark place, and really wish she had found out his gender ahead of time, to prepare herself. Almost two years later, she admits she's a bit sad she never got her girl, but she loves her boys so much, it's no issue.
This is the exact reason I find out gender ASAP. I want to give myself as much time as possible to grieve if I need to. The last thing I want is to be sad when my newborn arrives. I want to get over the sadness and already moved on to pure joy by that point.
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Old 03-10-2011, 11:01 PM   #10
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Re: I feel so guilty :(

Feel whatever you're feeling. If you stuff it, it only gets worse.

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