Please tell me why...

[BottomOfMyHearts]

I went through a stage like this when I was little. My grandma took me to the hair cutter and lopped off my butt length hair to my ears. I looked like little orphan Annie.

I don't suggest cutting that much off but maybe a shorter cut so there is less to tangle?

[the_oz_girl]

I don't really have any suggestions. I was your DD once upon a time. My dad could anything he wanted to my hair, my aunt the same. My mom so much as looked at me with the thought of brushing my hair and I'd go ballistic. Dad and aunt never, ever hurt me brushing my hair. With mom it was always brutally painful. I have no idea what they did differently but I remember begging to go across town to have one of them do my hair instead of mom. Today there are very few people I allow to touch my head and even fewer who I encourage to touch my hair. I can barely tolerate having my hairstylist touch my head but I could let DH play all day long and actually ask him for head massages. I guess my advice is to just try to let someone she'll tolerate do it as often as you can afford to until she figures out how to do it herself.

[Zappa]

Here are a couple suggestions from different angles:

1) Get different kinds of combs/brushes and let her choose which one feels the best.
2) Do her hair in front of the TV
3) Admit to her that sometimes it is going to pull a bit but that is part of having longer hair and excessive drama will not be tolerated. Then implement some kind of reward/punishment system based on her behavior. If she only cries for you then it may just be a habit or control issue and not about any pain.
4) Let her do her hair first, and then you "check" it
5) Finger comb her hair before using any brush or comb. You'd be surprised how many knots can be worked out very gently with your fingers.
6) Always firmly hold her hair above where you are combing so any pulling is not on her head.
7) If she is articulate enough to answer, ask her what others do differently than you.

[travelmama24]

Do you hold the top of her hair while you brush it? This helps lessen any pulling (hurting) sensation she might get at the scalp.

Example, pull a few strands of your hair at the bottom end. Now take your other hand and hold your hair close to the scalp and pull a few strands again. You feel much less pulling sensation or pain that way.