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Old 06-26-2006, 05:18 PM   #1
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Am I overprotective?

I was listening to my aunt this weekend talk about how she had kept her 18 month old granddaughter for a week and her six month old grandson for three days and I reflected that dh and I didn't let our ds spend the night away until he was 17-18 months (with his parents) and now our dd has yet to even be with a baby sitter at all and she is 11 months. I have good reasons (IMO) for not letting my parents keep my kiddos and really don't agree with my in laws parenting philosophy; but am I being overprotective to not let my kiddos stay away from home? I don't want to shelter them all their lives; but how do you feel more comfortable doing that? I've never really thought of myself as overprotective, really think I'm a pretty laid back person; but I just don't feel really comfortable with this one thing.
Thoughts?

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Old 06-26-2006, 05:40 PM   #2
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Re: Am I overprotective?

My ds1 didn't stay a night away from us until he was almost 2.5yrs and that was only because I was in the hospital and dh was staying with me. My mother slept with him in our bed so he wouldn't feel upset. Now at almost five he sleeps with my parents some of the time, but we all share the same house, so it isn't like sleeping away it is more just like choosing to sleep in a different bed. Ds2 has never been away from us at all for more than a couple of hours. My IL's keep wanting to have ds1 over for the night or weekend, like the other nieces and nephews, but I won't let them. Part of it is just being over protective, but a large part of it is that I don't think they could handle him. It's like they don't hear me when I tell them what is going on with him. He is autistic and that means things have to be done a certain way. I can tell them these things dozens of times, but they just don't get it. Plus they forget to change his diaper which I know it is weird to have to change a 5yr olds diaper, but they know he is still in diapers so don't they know they have to change them? I have contemplated letting him stay for a night if he wants to just so they can see what it's like. I don't think they would ever ask to keep him again.
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Old 06-26-2006, 05:42 PM   #3
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Re: Am I overprotective?

I don't think your overprotective, just naturally protective. I can't be away from my 21 month old for more than a few hours, and am very picky about what kind of energetics surround him. I only let someone I trust watch him for a short period of time. I'm sure he would freak out if he had to spend the night without mama and papa. I do know some parents who left their 8 month old for a month while they left the state, so for some it's no big deal.
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Old 06-26-2006, 05:43 PM   #4
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Re: Am I overprotective?

I think it's protective, not overprotective. Of course, everyone who knows me thinks I am overprotective myself. I didn't let my dc stay overnight with grandparents or anyone until they were about 4 or 5. And this is especially good if you don't agree with their parenting philosophy.

I have learned to ignore what people say about my parenting because my mama's heart knows what is best for them.
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Old 06-26-2006, 05:47 PM   #5
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Re: Am I overprotective?

My son is just about 14months old and the 1st time he ever spent more than a couple hours away from me was on Monday the 12 when I was at the hospital with my mom, and because she was in a coma in ICU he was not allowed there, but he was with someone I trusted very much And than on the 13th he spent the night with her after being there ALL day Monday, Tuesday (all day) tuesday night and wed ALL day because I was at the hospital, and than again with my BIL and his girlfriend on Sat the 17th, and he would have never spent the night with ppl yet if soemthing like this did not happen, so no I dont think your being over protctive (yet)
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Old 06-26-2006, 05:51 PM   #6
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Re: Am I overprotective?

I have been called overprotective, too...but I have to do what I think is right for my kids, KWIM? My kids are 4 and 1, and they do not spend the night away from home. I know this would not work in many families, but it works for us. I doesn't matter what others think. YOu have to be true to yourself and your family. We are a very attached family and my kids love their grandparents and a few other significant people. I let them visit and spend the day, but nighttime is best with mommy and daddy in our big ole family bed! When they are older, there will be plenty of time for sleepovers.
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Old 06-26-2006, 06:01 PM   #7
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Re: Am I overprotective?

No, not overprotective. I mean just do what you feel comfortable with. I think we've had the conversation before, and I tend to let Bailey go with my parents all the time, probably 3-6 nites a month or something. But Tyler, I am just soooooo protective of him... not sure why! I have left them both with a babysitter though... tyler takes a bottle of breast milk very well
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Old 06-26-2006, 06:28 PM   #8
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Re: Am I overprotective?

I often think that people are just trying to get kids to be to independant way to early. I don't think I am overprotective at all and yet my ds who is 15 months has never been left with anyone other than my MIL. Only for a few hours in the day, and one time she put him to bed at our home, but they are also here for weeks at a time from FL so it's not like going to stay somewhere else. I just can't imagine being away from him for more than an hour or so. I miss him.

But then when I went to get my hair cut last week, they girl cutting it said that she and her boyfriend were keeping the boyfriends's nephew for a week, the baby was about 16 months and the couple was only about 19!!! I thought, no freakin way I would leave my son with my 19 year old brother for a week. But some people are just more concered with their own lives.
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Old 06-26-2006, 06:43 PM   #9
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Re: Am I overprotective?

you are not over protective. you are doing what you feel is right. I am the same way. I am currently defending myself on another board because one guy can't stand that I would want to spend that much time with my kids. He thinks kids should be sleeping through the night by 8 weeks in their own bed in their own room. He also thinks they need one night a week at someone else house plus he and his wife work.

But anyway I think it is important for the childrent ot be with you.
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Old 06-26-2006, 07:13 PM   #10
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Re: Am I overprotective?

I think it's totally important for him to be with me. And just when I started doubting myself about him being with me to much we went to see my family. My cousin has a son two weeks younger than my ds. They never hold him really, he goes to sleep in his own room alone, is with babysitters or other family alot. Where as we cosleep, he's only with me, dh or mil, and I loved wearing him. When we were visiting my ds zipped all over and played with everyone coming back to me once in awhile to check in. My cousin's son just followed people around whining for someone to hold him. It was so sad and just reinforced my belief that I was doing what was best wether people want to judge or question me. It's so hard to be a parent sometimes...
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