Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-30-2011, 06:59 PM   #31
newmommy13's Avatar
newmommy13
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 7,750
Re: why is it so hard?!?!? aka Ingrids giant list of questions!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Msheidiann View Post
I really think it depends on your county and the need. The need is very great in my county. We attended adoption orientation in late January, foster orientation in early February, did everything required by mid-March and were licensed on March 23...our baby was born on March 25 and we brought him home on April 8. Now, he is not legally free for adoption. He is #8 and all have been adopted, so our chances are very, very good. Our baby was also meth exposed. It's a risk we were willing to take, and when that call came, I knew it was "the one."

I have heard other counties that basically say, "there are no babies" and maybe there aren't...my county has a very low reunification rate and high unemployment...etc. There are some 2100 kids in care and only 300 certified foster families...and my county is huge.

I would they to talk to people in your county who are foster parents. Attend an orientation.

Also, we decided against a foster agency since the county places with it's own homes first, then they look to the agencies if they can't find placement.

Our situation is out of the ordinary I think because of how fast it happened, but we were on the ball with the things we needed to complete and God had a plan for us...I knew that morning that we would get a call. When they said 2 wk old baby boy (plus some other specifications) I knew it was the one. now we just have to pray that he is our forever baby.

Ok, I have rambled, sorry! LOL
what a happy story! i didn't realize though that there are foster agencies? like adoption agencies? i'm confused. are you in a specific foster to adopt program?

so how long until your adoption is final or what else needs to happen for it to be final? if it was years the wait would kill me, though i'm assuming you know some history of the birth mother and her situation...right? like she's been clean for most of the pregnancy and has done what the court says and will probably get him or this is her 4th baby in the system and rights were terminated at birth?

Advertisement

__________________
I, mama to dd A (3-08) dfs J (10/11) and in love with newbie dfd N! (10/13)
hopeful pre-adoptive foster family
newmommy13 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-01-2011, 11:50 AM   #32
pcjs's Avatar
pcjs
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 14,206
Re: why is it so hard?!?!? aka Ingrids giant list of questions!

Quote:
Originally Posted by newmommy13 View Post
dd's extra needs are so much more manageable now that she is older, thus the decision to grow our family at this time. i want a potential birth family to understand that she won't suck up all of our time away from the baby. also, i can't believe that your facilitator was mean to you. was she saying that birth families wouldn't pick you because of xyz?!? i woudl thinks it woudl be in her best interest to encourage you that you would be chosen. i understand yours wasn't exacly a typical adotpion process though!
Just remember with ours we somehow made it through and got through it and have our son so no matter what negative I say about adoption, it was so worth it.

She was just pure nasty to me. I can go on and on but whats the point. You would think she'd want us to get chosen but she had no attachment to us as I met her once with my MIL and she never talked to my husband so as long as she had our money, why care as then she can just keep taking on new families and taking money from them. We aren't the only one who had problems with her.

The irony is for all the reasons she claimed were a problem, were all the reasons WHY we were chosen for our son by his birthfamily and in the end, he is our child and the one we were waiting for.

If/when you do a profile and through your homestudy, just make sure you address her "special needs" that they aren't a big deal and most people at some point in their lives have something (lets face it the older we get, something breaks) and highlight because of them it has made you better parents, what good advocates for your children you are, brought you closer together as a couple, and parents and what a wonderful, loving sister she will be to any child who joins your family.
__________________
Mom to my wonderfully sweet toddler who is the joy of our lives. :
pcjs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-01-2011, 08:34 PM   #33
Msheidiann's Avatar
Msheidiann
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: California
Posts: 1,014
My Mood:
Re: why is it so hard?!?!? aka Ingrids giant list of questions!

So, where we live, there is straight county foster and 4 "agencies" that you can become certified to foster through. Strange...we still are confused why the agencies. There are no private adoption agencies in our county, so these 4 are just foster.

We are just with the county. In CA there is a 6 period which the child must be in your home before one can adopt. So, as cut and dry as our case seems, we still have to wait. And, because the courts are backed up, it could be longer. We know a but about bio mom...it's not good. Baby was pos tox. He is a long line of babies left, but not relinquished. Our odds are very good. So now we just go day by day and don't even think about not having him forever. He is such a beautiful baby and we are in love!!
Msheidiann is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2011, 08:37 AM   #34
newmommy13's Avatar
newmommy13
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 7,750
Re: why is it so hard?!?!? aka Ingrids giant list of questions!

oh i could just cry i'm so happy you have your baby! i hope we can have a story like that one day.

have you noticed any medical problems with him so far? my dh is concerned about drug exposure but i'm not really. i know it could be a chance of something bad, but like with bio kids, there is always that chance. it was hard to grasp at first when dd was born, but i would definitely choose to be her mommy if i was given the option. there's no way i would say no, even with all the struggles. same thing for me with an adopted baby. dh has a harder time with not being able to "fix" her. we all process things in different ways i suppose, and he is madly in love with her. i just think it has taken him longer to come to terms with her struggles. i think about another little cp baby joining our family...i have fallen in love with some of dd's friends at her school and early intervention program and they have taught me so much!
__________________
I, mama to dd A (3-08) dfs J (10/11) and in love with newbie dfd N! (10/13)
hopeful pre-adoptive foster family
newmommy13 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2011, 09:30 AM   #35
Msheidiann's Avatar
Msheidiann
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: California
Posts: 1,014
My Mood:
Re: why is it so hard?!?!? aka Ingrids giant list of questions!

He isn't showing anything in terms of withdraws or anything. A lot of issues can surface later, but we just have to love him and help him along the way. We were nervous about drug exposure, but this baby was meant to be ours, we think. Just how quickly everything happened, and a dream I had the night before, we believe it is fate. He is such a huge part of our lives now, we just cant remember life without him...and it's been less than 4 weeks.

Special needs children, whether physical or mental disability, need special parents. Remember that, she chose you!

I also think with a lot of men, stuff having to do with babies baffles them, but once baby is in their arms, everything changes. I witnessed that first hand after several trips (ok like 10) to baby-related stores amend being upset because DH was checking the scores on his blackberry...but now he is so on love with baby boy and can't wait to give him kisses when he gets home from work. He gets up to do the early morning changing and feeding, and I caught them watching ESPN together the other day. I am more in love with my husband seeing how much he loves this baby!!! It's awesome!
Msheidiann is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2011, 04:06 PM   #36
jenbo's Avatar
jenbo
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Posts: 96
Re: why is it so hard?!?!? aka Ingrids giant list of questions!

Milwaukee County works with the adjacent counties. They recently closed their doors to people who want to only adopt. However, if you are open to fostering and understand the ranges of legal risk, you can be selective about placements and hope for the best with a placement that may become an adoptive situation! You never know, even high legal risk situations have been known to become adoptive.
jenbo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2011, 02:36 PM   #37
newmommy13's Avatar
newmommy13
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 7,750
Re: why is it so hard?!?!? aka Ingrids giant list of questions!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Msheidiann View Post
He isn't showing anything in terms of withdraws or anything. A lot of issues can surface later, but we just have to love him and help him along the way. We were nervous about drug exposure, but this baby was meant to be ours, we think. Just how quickly everything happened, and a dream I had the night before, we believe it is fate. He is such a huge part of our lives now, we just cant remember life without him...and it's been less than 4 weeks.

Special needs children, whether physical or mental disability, need special parents. Remember that, she chose you!

this makes me want to cry! i know she was meant for us now, but it took a while to get there. i can *almost* say i would choose for her to have CP, because that really is a part of her and makes her who she is, kwim? but the reality of it is that there will be lots of struggles that she will go through that i would do anything to prevent. we do what we can and hope for the best. i do know that for whatever reason, she was definitely made for us, or maybe we were made for her?

I also think with a lot of men, stuff having to do with babies baffles them, but once baby is in their arms, everything changes. I witnessed that first hand after several trips (ok like 10) to baby-related stores amend being upset because DH was checking the scores on his blackberry...but now he is so on love with baby boy and can't wait to give him kisses when he gets home from work. He gets up to do the early morning changing and feeding, and I caught them watching ESPN together the other day. I am more in love with my husband seeing how much he loves this baby!!! It's awesome!
this is true of my dh too. of course i loved him before, but i feel like i didn't even really know him until after our dd came. actually kind of true for myself too!

Quote:
Originally Posted by jenbo View Post
Milwaukee County works with the adjacent counties. They recently closed their doors to people who want to only adopt. However, if you are open to fostering and understand the ranges of legal risk, you can be selective about placements and hope for the best with a placement that may become an adoptive situation! You never know, even high legal risk situations have been known to become adoptive.

ugh. this is such a bummer! i think that whatever happens we will have to be open to things not going perfectly the way we plan. same as any other adoption, same as a pregnancy!
__________________
I, mama to dd A (3-08) dfs J (10/11) and in love with newbie dfd N! (10/13)
hopeful pre-adoptive foster family
newmommy13 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2011, 04:19 PM   #38
momof4kidz's Avatar
momof4kidz
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,738
My Mood:
Re: why is it so hard?!?!? aka Ingrids giant list of questions!

Where we live there is the county and then there are the private foster agencies. Generally, the county pays these agencies to find foster homes for the harder to place kids. These may be older kids with behavior problems, a bigger group of siblings, or children with major medical issues. Because of this, foster parents who belong to these agencies get a higher reimbursement rate per month. We once looked into this option but decided we couldnt handle it. Also, a great place to go to have almost any and all of your questions answered, and where I found many answers on foster and adoption was fosterparents.com. The people there have been through it all and are great. In our case, after becoming informed we decided not to do it right now but to possibly become a respite home when our kids get older. Speaking of that, becoming a respite home might help you decide if you want to go the foster/adopt route. You basically babysit for the foster parents in your area. In some cases I know of it also led to adoption when the foster parents did not want to adopt.
__________________
Cloth diapering cosleeping Catholic mom of 5 (3 successful VBACS) Number 6 is on the way!
momof4kidz is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.