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Old 04-27-2011, 11:03 AM   #1
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How long....

does domestic adoption paperwork take? The reason I am asking is because one of my daycare moms gave me notice and pulled her daughter out of my daycare. She paid for two weeks notice but said the little girl would not be back. She dropped her off anyway the last three days and will be doing so the next two. This is fine because she has paid for the days but she says that all this time is due to doing adoption paperwork. The little daycare girl is adopted and they are working with the same agency again (and possibly the same bio mom!). Would it really take a full week, 50 hours total to do paperwork? The mom has dropped hints that she is going to start her own daycare so I am thinking that for some reason, she is giving me the adoption paperwork reason when she is really doing something else. Its doesn't matter to me but I am slightly annoyed that she is being evasive and sneaky about this. She did pay for the days so like I said, this little girl is welcome as long as the bill is paid. But what is the actual time frame and amount of paperwork for a second adoption? The first was not even two years ago. I do sort of feel like she is hiding behind the paperwork reason but having never adopted, maybe it does really take this much focused time at one time?

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Old 04-27-2011, 11:49 AM   #2
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Re: How long....

If we did a second adoption it would be no big deal, especially with the same birthfamily. She's making stuff up. I've done two homestudys and 4 updates and the updates are just one home visit and medical visits to the doctor & finger prints. Its absolutely no big deal. The initial homestudy is much more paperwork but it doesn't take a week full-time and if it does for her, you'd think she'd want you to watch the daughter to get it done. It took me a few nights but I also have written them so it was no big deal to me. Its a hassle, but easily done over a week or so at night. But, I don't make a big deal out of it. NOW if you told me she was searching, that could be a full-time job and I spent hours and hours doing the marketing and stuff and that could easily be true (but not if she is matched).

It sounds a bit shady. A homestudy update is all she needs in less its been 8-10 years I think and even so they have the old one to look at for information.
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Old 04-27-2011, 12:05 PM   #3
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Re: How long....

I understand the point of view you're coming from...but with that said, adoption IS an all-encompassing process. Just because you're not pregnant doesn't mean its not stressful, tiring, emotional, etc etc. Maybe she IS starting her own daycare, but MAYBE its just really difficult for her, maybe its a difficult adoption with a difficult emom, or whatever and its easiest to explain it by saying shes "doing adoption paperwork." Not everyone wants (or needs or should) share an entire story of the adoption process, it IS afterall, the CHILD's story to tell. So whatever she's doing; she's obviously entrusting you with the person most precious to you, and paying for the services, which is a HUGE compliment to you with EVERY person who uses your service. What does it matter what else she's doing with her time?

Also, EVERY state has different requirements, so repeat, updated homestudies in one place may require COMPLETELY different paperwork, etc in another.

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Old 04-27-2011, 12:47 PM   #4
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Re: How long....

Sounds like probably part of the truth, but may have to do with other issues she does not feel like disclosing to you.
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Old 04-27-2011, 01:06 PM   #5
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Re: How long....

Quote:
Originally Posted by ladybuggsmom View Post
I understand the point of view you're coming from...but with that said, adoption IS an all-encompassing process. Just because you're not pregnant doesn't mean its not stressful, tiring, emotional, etc etc. Maybe she IS starting her own daycare, but MAYBE its just really difficult for her, maybe its a difficult adoption with a difficult emom, or whatever and its easiest to explain it by saying shes "doing adoption paperwork." Not everyone wants (or needs or should) share an entire story of the adoption process, it IS afterall, the CHILD's story to tell. So whatever she's doing; she's obviously entrusting you with the person most precious to you, and paying for the services, which is a HUGE compliment to you with EVERY person who uses your service. What does it matter what else she's doing with her time?

Also, EVERY state has different requirements, so repeat, updated homestudies in one place may require COMPLETELY different paperwork, etc in another.
Generally if you do it all for an update and we did it at each one as we were trying to adopt from any state and wanted to make sure to get through ICPC, its a one-time home visit to discuss family changes/look around and make sure things are still ok, finger prints and physicals (some require new references yearly, some don't).
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Old 04-27-2011, 01:23 PM   #6
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Re: How long....

...still..."general" is not a word with adoption. I say this from personal experience. My major point, give the lady a break. Does it REALLY matter??
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Old 04-29-2011, 10:57 AM   #7
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Re: How long....

No it doesn't really matter but there are issues here that I didn't state. For clarification, this IS the same bio mom, same agency, homestudy is already scheduled for this week. Mom pulled daughter from daycare under shady circumstances, basically disappeared one day and wouldn't communicate for several days. She then said she quit her job to be a stay at home mom, then she said she was starting her own daycare, then the time was for adoption stuff. She is normally quite upfront but now is being completely evasive and noncommunicative, meanwhile her daughter has gotten out of control in just a few weeks behavior wise so I feel that there is probably something else even going on over there. I guess it does matter only because I feel that I am being lied to when we have had two years of a great relationship in the past. She is volunteering all these stories about what is going on and I am not asking nor is it really any of my business but again, I just don't like being lied to especially from someone that I previously considered a friend. Eventually I will find out only because we live in the same neighborhood and she is not good at keeping secrets at all. I have no idea why she would feel the need to act like this around me but am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. I know the daycare thing isn't completely true because this new baby is not born yet and in addition, the agency requires a full maternity leave for the adoptive mom and baby to bond so she would not be allowed by this agency to begin taking care of others kids until well after the baby is born and adjusted, which would be months from now.
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Old 04-29-2011, 05:59 PM   #8
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Re: How long....

I am in the process right now, and even though I am doing a home study update and using the same agency, it is still quite the process. The profile alone takes many hours. Plus, is it possible she needs to do work around the house to prepare? I could believe it takes that long, even though she's done it before.
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Old 05-02-2011, 10:18 AM   #9
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Re: How long....

Maybe she lost her job in the middle of all this and just doesn't want to admit it...I'm just saying it's a possibility right?

Maybe she just needs a break?
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Old 05-04-2011, 07:25 PM   #10
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Re: How long....

I agree with the last 2 posts. Its SOMETHING, and its a personal thing. I was evasive with my BF while going through some of the adoption stuff, and we'd been friends for 25 years! I know everyone is different, but if you considered yourself friends, just BE THERE when she needs to talk, and take care of her child as best you can. she obviously needs the break for some reason, and its great that she trusts you to take her daughter.
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