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Old 05-04-2011, 01:56 PM   #11
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Smile Re: Frustrated Preadoptive Fostermom in need of encouragement

Pcjs- I so wish I would have had you as a worker!

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Old 05-04-2011, 03:18 PM   #12
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Re: Frustrated Preadoptive Fostermom in need of encouragement

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Pcjs- I so wish I would have had you as a worker!
In theory I wish I was your worker too as you sound like a wonderful mom, but I'll never go back to case management again. Its my time to be a mom. Honestly, a lot of workers will not do the paperwork/advocate as it takes a lot of time to do that stuff and its not what gets workers promoted or recognized. It may get them appreciated by someone like you and knowing you did the right thing... but far too many aren't willing to put in the effort. I was amazed at holiday time how few when we started a program to get kids gifts were willing to do it as it might interfere with their kids/holidays.
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Old 05-04-2011, 09:33 PM   #13
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Re: Frustrated Preadoptive Fostermom in need of encouragement

this is a horrible place to be put in. its also something that i hadn't even thought of in contemplating fostering. we use a lot of natural healing techniques, dd's first chiropractic adjustment and cranio sacral therapy was in the NICU...she was released less than a week later.

i'm really hoping that you can get some resolution with this. your boy shouldn't suffer because of 1mm. you doctor should get a more accurate reading or the social worker should have a fire lit under to her advocate for the funding. i'm sure this isn't a common problem, having a 1 mm discrepancy.

good luck mama, and
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Old 05-05-2011, 09:16 AM   #14
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Re: Frustrated Preadoptive Fostermom in need of encouragement

You have more rights than you seem to realize. If you want to cloth diaper and can't convince the Dr., you have the right to get a different pediatrician. If you want to take the baby to the chiropractor, just go. You should have a piece of paper from social services authorizing you to make regular medical decisions for the child. As long as it isn't surgery or anything, you make the decisions. You will probably have to pay for the chiro out of pocket. If you want to pay for the helmet out of pocket, do it. You are authorized to make medical decisions for the child. If the doctor thinks they should have a helmet, and the only issue is the insurance company, you can pay for it yourself unless you worker has already voices objections for some freak reason. You do not need to be involving your social worker in all these decisions either. Tell them what they need to know, but keep them out of the minutia of your child's life. If you don't overshare every detail, they won't get in your business too much.

ETA: You might be able to get the state to pay for the helmet. Your social worker may not know how to go about this, so you may need to find out on your own (via a foster parent support or advocacy group) and educate your worker.

Also, you may be able to add your child to your private insurance. The adoption doesn't have to be final to add a child to insurance. If it is an adoptive placement (even with no TPR) you may be able to add the child. Not sure what the details of your placement or state laws are, but it is worth checking into.

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Old 05-05-2011, 05:32 PM   #15
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Re: Frustrated Preadoptive Fostermom in need of encouragement

No you can't just go take a child to an alternative medicine doctor or do a helmet without permission or do anything beyond routine medicine. If you do and the agency/court does not agree, you risk losing that child and they get replaced. You don't have that many rights until the child is legally yours. The parents have more rights and they should also be consulted if they are in the picture. The social worker absolutely needs to be informed of all medical appointments and what is going on and if not, that is a reason to get your home closed down.

(you can add a foster child to your private insurance - I've done it with foster parents. You need to get medical guardianship stating it is for the purpose of health insurance and then you submit that within 30 days of the order - over 30 days you have to get a new order as this happened to us as I didn't get the order promptly and had to make a new request but not all pay for helmets - ours will not).
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Old 05-05-2011, 06:50 PM   #16
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Re: Frustrated Preadoptive Fostermom in need of encouragement

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No you can't just go take a child to an alternative medicine doctor or do a helmet without permission or do anything beyond routine medicine. If you do and the agency/court does not agree, you risk losing that child and they get replaced. You don't have that many rights until the child is legally yours. The parents have more rights and they should also be consulted if they are in the picture. The social worker absolutely needs to be informed of all medical appointments and what is going on and if not, that is a reason to get your home closed down.

(you can add a foster child to your private insurance - I've done it with foster parents. You need to get medical guardianship stating it is for the purpose of health insurance and then you submit that within 30 days of the order - over 30 days you have to get a new order as this happened to us as I didn't get the order promptly and had to make a new request but not all pay for helmets - ours will not).
I wouldn't do anything without a referral from the pediatrician because I don't want to risk losing him. In our case the parents are totally out of the picture. Its a No Resonable Effort Termination parents have never even showed interest in seeing him or even wanting pics. Its a sad story but that is why he was placed preadoptive. We have had other regular foster kids whose parents have been involved.

Good thing to know about private insurance because even if he keeps Medicaid we will have him our insurance as primary. Our policy has a clause regarding helmets that the child must be insured at birth and documentation at birth regarding head assymetry. He would probably have qualified even with the clause.

I'm going to update the first page we did talk to the orthotic place today and measuring at different angle there was definite increase in numbers. So good / bad news his head/face assymetry all falls in severe catagory so we should be able to get treatment. The neurosurgeon and his PT are both prepared to write letters if Medicaid tries to deny. So I am feeling a little relief not that the whole helmet treatment won't be an ordeal in itself.
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Old 05-05-2011, 11:16 PM   #17
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Re: Frustrated Preadoptive Fostermom in need of encouragement

Check your health insurance policy for foster kids and print a copy to the social worker. What I would do is put in a request without a court hearing (I'm blanking on the legal term - sorry - maybe ex-parte?) after contacting all the attorneys if they agree - even if they don't we can still put in the request and see what happens if no court hearing is coming up. Before you ask, call the policy or the HR person and ask for the specific wording they need.

I know with tricare they have pre-adopt home & foster care as they asked us which one it was when we were putting our son as we were pre-adopt vs. foster.

And, talk to the social worker and supervisor and put the request in writing by regular/certified mail or email with reciept to see if they will private pay for it.

If the facial features on his head are misaligned even a little, I would absolutely get a helmet. (we went to the neurosurgeon's with my son and didn't do it as the ones early on said no and the last was iffy on if it would have done anything but at 17 months it was too late). If its just flat head, once he's more mobile it may never be "perfect" but it will round out from our experience significantly. But, the longer you wait, you are missing the window which is now so don't let it sit too much longer.

Its ashamed the birthparents didn't just consent to the adoption right away vs. dragging out the legal process but clearly they aren't in a place to think about him first.

Good luck.

P.S. Some insurances are great about it, some aren't. We had a horrible time at one base/military and the jerk (sorry that is the nicest thing I can say) refused saying he wasn't my child and I was a bad mother for dragging him out in the cold day after day to the same office (the office was warm so that made no sense and I had all the baby gear and supplies) to get him the insurance as he had to get into the doctor. I finally gave up and went to a different base and got it done - so often, long story short, there are work arounds and don't take "no" for an answer when it comes to "your" child.
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