Tell me about your Family Rules

[bthane23]

Do you have a chart posted in your home? What does it say? Do you have a list of punishments for not following the rules? Is that posted somewhere as well?

[KandFsMomma]

No chart or list, but we def use time outs.

I will soon be making a large calendar for activities and a chore chart now that i'm SAHM again, and home schooling DD

[mommabritt]

I had a poster board up at our old house with the main rules in the house...but it hasnt made its way back to the wall since the move.

-Use walking feet inside
-Respect other's space
-Use kind words
-Clean up after yourself
-Be helpful

I did not have a consequence chart but maybe I should. Thats a good idea. I try to be consistent but maybe it would help the kids stay on top of their own behavior if they know what comes next. Also, it may help me to be more consistent as well.

[Psychomom]

I only have a few rules, but they cover a multitude.

1. Love yourself and each other
2. Respect yourself and each other
3. Respect our property (our home, our belongings, and others' belongings)
4. Work hard, play hard

They are not posted in our house and I don't have consequences written out, either. They are things that come up in natural conversation at least a few times a week in my house.

[moobiegirl]

I recently did a grad school project that required me to post our house rules. We sat down as a family and made/decorated it together.

1. use soft voices.
2.put things away
3.be nice to people and animals
4.use nice words

[bthane23]

moobiegirl, since posting the rules, do you find it helps to have something to refer to when you remind your children of the house rules? Sometimes I wonder if its like a calendar...without it on the wall...we forget the date. LOL

[HeatherlovesCDs]

We have a chart we just made recently. It has the rules and the consequences for breaking the rule. It keeps us, the parents, consistent and gives the kids stability in knowing exactly what is going to happen if they break a rule and that it is going to happen EVERY time.

We put it up because my husband and I were having issues being consistent with our consequences. We don't have a problem following through with what we say we are going to do, but our consequences aren't consistent and sometimes we will deal with the behavior and sometimes we ignore it. We have moved from what I am calling "subjective disciplining" to "objective discipline." They get the same consequence every time they break the rule, period. It is no longer, sometimes time out, sometimes sent to your room, sometimes ignored and basically just based on our mood at the moment. Knowing that consistency is key to parenting success, we made this chart. It's helping a lot, both for us and the kids. It think the predictability is less stressful for our family. And the kids are already responding with better behavior.

Here are a few things on it:
No talking back or disrespect
No direct disobedience
No Lying
No hitting/kicking or other physical violence
No fussing/whining/complaining
Respect other's property

(There are 10 total.) We make it so the "punishment fits the crime." So, not everything has the same consequence.

[bthane23]

Heather, that is what Im looking for. Punishment fits the crime. This is what we are running into...the inconsisitency (for us as parents)....

Im glad to hear that its working for both the parents and children.

[Kiliki]

Heather, I like your idea. Maybe we will consider that.

OP - we don't have a chart of any kind on our house. I just punish as I see for for the crime. And, it does vary depending on my mood. But sometimes I think that can be a good thing. For instance, if they are doing wrong things left and right, they will eventually get harsher punishments than if they just did a couple of wrong things.

If you go unfold all the clean laundry, yank the dog's ears, play in the toilet, and then run to your room and jump on your bed, mommy is ging to punish you harder than if you had just done one or two of those things b/c now mommy is even more upset, and you are in more trouble b/c you are having a very disobedient day! KWIM?

So, I don't necessarily think that inconsistent punishments are a bad thing. I think the consistency is more important in reference to what is allowed and what is not. Like if one day I let them play in the toilet but the next day they got punished for it, that's no good.

[HeatherlovesCDs]

Originally Posted by Kiliki Heather, I like your idea. Maybe we will consider that. OP - we don't have a chart of any kind on our house. I just punish as I see for for the crime. And, it does vary depending on my mood. But sometimes I think that can be a good thing. For instance, if they are doing wrong things left and right, they will eventually get harsher punishments than if they just did a couple of wrong things. If you go unfold all the clean laundry, yank the dog's ears, play in the toilet, and then run to your room and jump on your bed, mommy is ging to punish you harder than if you had just done one or two of those things b/c now mommy is even more upset, and you are in more trouble b/c you are having a very disobedient day! KWIM? So, I don't necessarily think that inconsistent punishments are a bad thing. I think the consistency is more important in reference to what is allowed and what is not. Like if one day I let them play in the toilet but the next day they got punished for it, that's no good.

I think I agree with you, but in a slightly different way. Does that even make sense? If my kids are acting up that day, they will end up having some type of discipline that isn't necessarily listed. Like, if they are going around being terrors and getting in trouble over and over, then I'll end up just saying, "you need to go play in your room for the rest of the afternoon/till lunch/dinner." Or if we are doing an activity they may miss out. That isn't on my chart, but clearly something needs to be done about their lack of self-control that day.

Also, obviously, not every offense can be listed. The majority of things fall into one of the categories, but not everything. So, some things are still subjective.

For us, we have found that having a laid out plan makes us less stressed and tense. If the kids are all acting up, (5 who are 5 and under can get intense some times) we are less likely to get frazzled and upset ourselves. We just do what the chart says with each child who offends and be done with it. I don't get frustrated, I just react by enforcing the consequence.

I definitely have seen a difference in their behavior. We are being consistent and they know that. So, things are already less chaotic just because they are behaving better.

Of course, it goes without saying, this is working great for us, but every family is different. Do what works for yours. However, if what you are doing isn't working...try something new even if it isn't this.