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Old 05-07-2011, 03:00 PM   #11
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Re: If someone was considering fostering to adopt....

I would tell them that it may start out as foster to adopt, but they can and do send the kids home sometimes, and DCS doesn't care about anyone except the birth parents. Sometimes the mom lies about who the dad is. We found out after 5 months that DFS's birth certificate father wasn't really his dad, and that the bio dad wanted him. Except bio dad was in jail at the time, so it was a long, drawn out court battle that we eventually lost.

We had medically fragile (G-J, multiple developmental delays) DFS for 23 months when he was sent home to his single 24 year old child rapist father, who had multiple probation violations and could not afford to take care of him and who smoked around him (asthmatic). Trying to explain it to my 4 year old, who still cries about it sometimes 2 months after he has left, is really hard. She doesn't know life without DFS since he came when she was 26 months old, and it has been very rough for her.

I would not do it again. It is too hard emotionally. Handing "my son" over to this piece of scum after 2 years and having to drive away without him was one of the hardest things I have ever done.

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Old 05-09-2011, 09:56 AM   #12
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Re: If someone was considering fostering to adopt....

Oh Kristen... They really failed your poor little guy. I am so sorry for your loss. What the heck are they thinking???? I pray they are keeping close tabs on this situation but seriously, for a medically fragile situation like this, smoking around him is abuse! Makes me sick.
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Old 05-26-2011, 12:51 PM   #13
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Re: If someone was considering fostering to adopt....

Hmmm, I would tell them if that is what they are feeling called to do than go for it. I would tell them my experience though. We had 14 foster kids in 18 months (a couple were respite, so probably about 10 placements) all under 3 yrs old and none of them stayed despite being told we were going to adopt some of them. They were shipped off to distant relatives that never even met them or inquired about them because there was the blood connection. It was SO frustrating and heartbreaking but also incredibly rewarding at the same time. Most people I know that went into this to adopt never were able to adopt and are now pursuing other avenues (we ended up doing IVF and are now pregnant).
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Old 05-26-2011, 03:07 PM   #14
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Re: If someone was considering fostering to adopt....

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvsviola View Post
I would tell them that it may start out as foster to adopt, but they can and do send the kids home sometimes, and DCS doesn't care about anyone except the birth parents. Sometimes the mom lies about who the dad is. We found out after 5 months that DFS's birth certificate father wasn't really his dad, and that the bio dad wanted him. Except bio dad was in jail at the time, so it was a long, drawn out court battle that we eventually lost.

We had medically fragile (G-J, multiple developmental delays) DFS for 23 months when he was sent home to his single 24 year old child rapist father, who had multiple probation violations and could not afford to take care of him and who smoked around him (asthmatic). Trying to explain it to my 4 year old, who still cries about it sometimes 2 months after he has left, is really hard. She doesn't know life without DFS since he came when she was 26 months old, and it has been very rough for her.

I would not do it again. It is too hard emotionally. Handing "my son" over to this piece of scum after 2 years and having to drive away without him was one of the hardest things I have ever done.
This type of situation is my biggest fear, and ultimately why we decided to wait until our kids are older to do foster care.
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