Should I stay home?

[EuphoricDysphoria]

Originally Posted by happysmileylady Fourth, you mentioned being tired of putting other kids first...but you can stop that without quitting the jobs. Start treating all of the kids equally-each kid gets their own day to decide the activities. Each kid gets their own day to decide lunch, etc. And, as another poster mentioned, if it's possible, see if you can take the kids at your house. If you aren't at their house to mess it up, it will still stay clean. Since you are already considering quiting, you could put it like "I really need to start watching your children in my own home. If that's not something that is possible, I am going to need to hand in my resignation." Another compromise to consider...could you quit just one of the jobs, then ask for a raise at the other to try to make up some of the difference in income?

The problem with treating them equally is the nannying is my job. If I put my daughters desires before the desires of the children I'm being paid to entertain, what's stopping my boss from finding someone without a child who will give 100% to kids?

I started the one job recently but have already got a raise. I think in the future I will make more but it's about 300-400 less a month so it will take some time to reach that point.

Originally Posted by Dolphin_Medic Here's what I would consider - You have a lot of debt, your jobs are helping you pay off debt. Now, if you quit your job/jobs, would you still be able to pay off debt or would it be a constant struggle? What about working until baby2 is born and then being a SAHM? Forgive me, I'm an engineer, for me it's an analytical thing...when you work, are you bringing home enough to pay for childcare + pay off debt/bills? When you are a SAHM, you obviously won't be paying childcare, you can work on being thrifty, but is your H's income+your night job enough to cover your debts/bills?

Thank you for posting. I have no schooling and nannying is my career. I wouldn't be able to get a job that would pay enough to make childcare worth it. Nannying is becoming an issue for me as my daughter is getting older because I'm finding more and more she is being put on the back burner so to speak. It's different than having other children of your own that are taking up your time. It's someone else kid getting their hair brushed and proper meals when your child is getting the shaft because there isn't enough time.

The second job I started about 2 months ago and it's full-time in the evenings when DH is home so he watches DD.

Currently, nannying brings in about $1600 a month and the evening job is about $1200 per month. Roughly $300 goes towards bills and the rest is for our debt. Our total debt minus our morgage is $24,000. With working 2 jobs we should have all our debt paid off within a year (Ive added time for unexpected things). But obviously I can't keep this up for another whole year! It's too much. So doing the math, sticking with nannying - debt will be paid off just before 2 years and staying at the night job only will take just over 2 years.

So in short the things to consider when offering me advice (haha, this sounds HORRIBLE but I talk way to much so summaries help lol) is

1. sticking with nannying and the night job wont allow me the time to work on getting myself healthy so we can TTC baby #2. I'll have to work my tail off, then stop completely to get healthly and will lose my EI (Employment insurance when I get pregnant) which is about $12,000. BUT debt will be paid off in a year.

2. Sticking with nannying makes me extermely unhappy but allows evening time for DH and I everynight. But again I'm still putting a million things a head of my DD and my family because I'm taking care of others. I will collect EI when pregnant which will be about $12,000.

3. Working nights means less time with DH, takes a bit longer to pay off debt but allows me to be with DD all day, focusing on her, us and our family. I will collect EI but it will be about $10,000.

I need to make my decision today. Any and ALL help is greatly appreciated!!!!

[redhairboy]

I vote option 3...Sure you wont have debt paid off in the time you were thinking but it will be paid off in a little over 2 years and that is including having another baby. Sure you wont get time with DH but you can spend time together on the weekends. I would put my child first. Good Luck and let us know what you decide. An extra 100 a week wouldn't be worth putting my child behind everything and everyone else.

[Lisa921]

I would quit, but I would strongly consider quitting your night job as opposed to your day job. Sleep deprivation and night shift work can both contribute to depression. Talk to your health care provider because you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. If your relapse with your eating disorder you might end up in inpatient or at least residential or partial hospital treatment, no? Then who would take care of your lo? Hopefully your DH will be understanding.
Finally, talk to a financial counselor to come up with a reasonable plan for paying off your debt while working one job. It might take longer, but again your health has to take priority.

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[Lisa921]

Originally Posted by Dolphin_Medic Here's what I would consider - You have a lot of debt, your jobs are helping you pay off debt. Now, if you quit your job/jobs, would you still be able to pay off debt or would it be a constant struggle? What about working until baby2 is born and then being a SAHM? Forgive me, I'm an engineer, for me it's an analytical thing...when you work, are you bringing home enough to pay for childcare + pay off debt/bills? When you are a SAHM, you obviously won't be paying childcare, you can work on being thrifty, but is your H's income+your night job enough to cover your debts/bills?

This is a good analytical approach, but for some people it really just isn't possible to work 84 hours a week and stay healthy. Especially if there are mental health issues in play. So to just crunch the numbers and live by that can really send someone over the edge...

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[amb2j]

I am in a similar boat but NOT as extreme. I am working A LOT (my 8-430 day job and 2 internet businesses) to pay my huge student loan debt (a Ph.D. is VERY expensive!!!) before even considering another child. I pay thousands a month to my debt and its great to see it gradually decreasing knowing it will be gone soon but....this focus on bills bills bills has created an ever increasing rift in my marriage. We are so focused on money that we are losing focus on one another...we dont want to take time to do things together because we dont want to spend money...and in our downtime, we just want to sleep not necessarily spend time together. We have recognized this and are changing things to prioritize us,....but all to say...money/debt isnt nearly as important as your sanity/marriage IMHO....just something to think about.

[megenic]

Originally Posted by EuphoricDysphoria Thank you for all the advice. Is it foolish to get pregnant knowing you have a lot of debt?

No, I don't think so. If the debt is so much that you wouldn't be able to feed another child or risk losing the roof over your head, I would say yes. If you are still able to make payments but just not pay if off as aggressively, then I always say you have your whole life ahead of you to pay if off but only a few short years with your little ones.

[megenic]

Originally Posted by Lisa921 I would quit, but I would strongly consider quitting your night job as opposed to your day job.

I feel the exact opposite!

Here's why. You say the nannying is causing you to feel that your own daughter's needs are being put on the backburner. At least with the night job, your daughter is sleeping and you will be happy knowing that you spent the day meeting her needs and giving her your attention. This is coming from someone who chooses to be a WAHM working nights after my kids are in bed. Is it tiring? Yep, you bet. But it's worth it to me.

You can always go back to nannying in a few years when your kids are older. There will always be a demand.

[dgrandmother]

Does your husband work 2 jobs? Also, is there something you could do in YOUR home that would generate some income? You might want to care for a toddler in your home for extra income and see why that works. I wish I had the 'correct' answer, but only you can find that answer.

[redhairboy]

what did you end up doing?