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Old 06-18-2011, 11:42 AM   #1
MamaNeeNee's Avatar
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Location: Napa, Ca
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I have been exclusively breastfeeding my daughter since she was born 3 months ago, and I don't plan on stopping until she wants to stop...but I HATE IT!!!!!!!!! I can't stand BFing!!!!! I don't know what is wrong with me!!! Are any of you other mamas like this???
Almost everytime she's hungry I dread feeding her, like I HATE it. I absolutely LOVE my daughter, I love her with all my heart....but I HATE feeding her! At first it was painful for a long time, now it's just annoying me to the point of going a little craycray...
She eats ALL THE TIME it feels like. At LEAST 12 times a day, plus she won't take a pacifer, so she instead decided to turn my boob into one. She has been super fussy the past month also, she will cry and want to be "fed" and instead of eating she'll want to sit there with my boob in her mouth grrrrr, sooo annoying! I'll take her away and she'll start up again with the crying. She will eat and unlatch and cry, all the time too! She will do this a few times every time she eats, and I will have to get her to latch over and over again. Sometimes it's because my letdown is too much for her and she'll cough and pull away, but a lot of the time I'm not sure why she does it....she will fling her arms all over the place and squirm around so I have to hold her still....eventually after a LONG time, she'll be more calm...she is a squirmy maniac every time she eats.
I personally HATE how BFING Feels, I can't stand it! It's so uncomfortable to me. And it feels so weird and unnatural. I know it's the MOST natural thing you could do, that's why I'm doing it, but to me it feels gross and annoying and invasive. I'm super weird and creeped out by the thought of it, like if I'm sitting there feeding her thinking about it, it's unbearable. I have to keep myself occupied with TV or the internet, I can't sit there and enjoy the "bonding" experience with her....
I thought I was done sharing my body now that I'm not pregnant anymore, the opposite. Now I have to share my boobs 24/7 with a squirmy crying little person, who bites and pukes all over them! Not to mention BFing is exhausting and I HATE how my nipples look now!! I'm also weird about breastfeeding in public. Just me PERSONALLY. I love seeing women BFing, OTHER women, it looks beautiful and empowering, but I hate doing it! I get really creeped out by all the men that stare...I kind of have issues with men. Even if I have a cover, I still feel like people are staring at me, and I hate to be the center of attention! And I KNOW I would be. She is such a squirmy eater, and she is constantly moving around and unlatching...she would totally leave my boob exposed, and milk would get everywhere...messy...not doing it. The last time I tried to go out to lunch, she started crying immediately in the restaurant, so I had to go back out to the car and BF, which was incredibly awkward and cramped. She ate for FOREVER, probably because she OVERATE, which is also a problem...she will want to latch and suck my boob for comfort, ends up over-eating I think, and puking. Puked all over me in the car, drove home....no point in going out.
I hate that I have to eat healthy STILL. I thought I was done eating organic, and limiting my intake of dairy...and sweets...and not being able to enjoy crappy energy drinks and a whole bunch of caffeine. I have to eat all the time because of my appetite, I wish I didn't have to eat so healthy!!!! It's like my body is a prison still!!! (Haha you can tell I enjoyed pregnancy right!?) I want to be able to drink and smoke a little! I can't do anything! Just the other day my friend came over who I hadn't seen in over a year, and her visit was such a let down. I was ill-prepared for it a little, the baby would not calm down, she wanted to eat the entire time they were here...it sucked! The whole time I was in the back room feeding her while my friend and her boyfriend hung out in our living room.When I was hanging out with them, I couldn't get my brain to concentrate on having a normal adult conversation that didn't revolve around my baby, or thinking about my baby. I didn't even have the ability to look sane and ask engaging questions, I felt like a failure friend, like some psycho ADD mom
I know I should shut up and stop complaining...I should be thankful that I can BF successfully...but I can't. I can't stop myself from thinking how much easier it would be on ME to use formula. Maybe I would be less exhausted and angry about it, if I felt like my boyfriend was helping me out more...he never says encouraging things to me about BFing...or anything really for that matter, at least not on the daily...he's been barely taking care of our daughter I do everything. He's on a break from school, and not working, he hasn't been helping me do anything, he sleeps all day and plays video games all night....and complains to me about how I need to clean more, that's about it.
Ok ANYWAY, that's a whole other issue....stemming from the first one I have...BFing!!!!!!!! Blah I don't know how I'm going to do it for so much longer! But I know I'm going to. When I set my mind to something, I generally do it...I know I wanted an all natural birth did it, I know I want to BF, I'm going to do it, it's just so hard!!!!!

Oh and we've tried bottles before, she WON'T take them! I've pumped and decided maybe I could exclusively bottle feed...didn't work. Still trying to get her to take it...but now I'm frustrated because I've pumped on a few different occasions and the milk has gone bad....BM is like liquid gold!!!! Much like BFing I HATE pumping!!!! So it's so tramatic to lose some.
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