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Old 07-15-2011, 08:31 AM   #1
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When did you start teaching your kids about touching?

Good touching versus bad touching, that is?

My son is 4. Yesterday he told me, "Mommy, people touch me."

I instantly reacted with a loud "WHAT???"

Turns out another boy at his nursery school pushed my son in the stomach at school because had wanted the toy my son was holding. The teacher addressed the issue with me, but of course, in my son's head, a push was actually people "touching" him.

Way to give Mommy a heart attack while we're home alone at night, little boy!

Seriously though, that got me wondering about when or how to address good touch vs. bad touch in general. I did tell him that he should tell the teacher next time if she doesn't see it, and I also quickly told him that only he can touch himself down there and no one else should do that.

But perhaps 4 is too young for that? When and how do you address good vs. bad touching???

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Old 07-15-2011, 08:43 AM   #2
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Re: When did you start teaching your kids about touching?

I started around 2.5 with DD. She and DS bathe together and she went through a phase of being fascinated with his penis. So I had to teach her that it's inappropriate for her to touch other people's private and for other people to touch hers. We talk about the difference between mommy/daddy or teacher (daycare) wiping her after using the toilet... etc.

She's 3.5 now and it's been a while too that I try to explain to her that she needs to touch herself alone in her bedroom for privacy. She doesn't fully understand but she's getting there.
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Old 07-15-2011, 11:12 AM   #3
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Re: When did you start teaching your kids about touching?

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Originally Posted by kaimon View Post
I started around 2.5 with DD. She and DS bathe together and she went through a phase of being fascinated with his penis. So I had to teach her that it's inappropriate for her to touch other people's private and for other people to touch hers. We talk about the difference between mommy/daddy or teacher (daycare) wiping her after using the toilet... etc.

She's 3.5 now and it's been a while too that I try to explain to her that she needs to touch herself alone in her bedroom for privacy. She doesn't fully understand but she's getting there.
This sounds like us. We started around 2 when she started trying to touch other people. Not any big discussions but casually as it comes up. Things like we don't touch other people's pee-pees, bottoms or chests without permission. And we tell her, again casually, That if anyone touches her in those places she is tell us- no matter who it is or what they say.

I was surprised her doc actually started at her 2 year old apt saying to her "I am going to check your bottom to make sure everything is ok. And its ok because i am a doc trying to help you." Which could be taken a lot of ways, I was just glad that she pointed out that it was only ok because she was a doc checking on her.
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Old 07-15-2011, 11:15 AM   #4
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Re: When did you start teaching your kids about touching?

Dd was 2 or so when I started teaching her about that. And her pediatrician also talked to her at one of her visits in the last year. (She's almost 4 now)
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Old 07-15-2011, 12:13 PM   #5
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Re: When did you start teaching your kids about touching?

My DD's were pretty young when we started, but they bathe with us. Of course, they got curious, but we let them know that area is private and not to touch. As more questions arose, we have explained more. Sexual abuse was present in both DH's and my home growing up so we have started early introducing proper body names, bodily integrity, and private areas. At about 2.5, DD had to start cleaning her private area as even Mom and Dad shouldn't touch it. Of course, we have a caveat as in if something hurts etc. but the abuse in my house was from my father so sometimes even Mom or Dad isn't safe.
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Old 07-15-2011, 01:07 PM   #6
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Re: When did you start teaching your kids about touching?

I'd get some books and slowly introduce it to him. And, make sure he knows Mommy will knock someone out if they mess with him as that's what mom's do.
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Old 07-15-2011, 01:34 PM   #7
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Re: When did you start teaching your kids about touching?

I started at 2 1/2 almost 3. She started preschool at 3. Keep it in very simple terms. Since we were still sometimes wiping up after an accident or something we worded it as only mommy or daddy can touch there. Started early with parts naming and we would name the parts. Then around 4-5 it was no one but you can touch those areas. It really wasn't a huge deal. Just kinda made it every day talk during bath or something.
At 8 we still mention it especially now that she is growing up top.
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Old 07-15-2011, 09:47 PM   #8
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My DS was a little older - maybe 3.5 years old when we started. It started by having him wash and care for his own genitals at toilet and bathtime. Basically, we told him that that area was considered a "private part" and it was his job (and his job alone) to take care of it. Mommy and daddy would always help if he needed it, but he shouldn't be sharing those private parts with others.

DD has been getting the same discussion lately, and she is about 2.5
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Old 07-16-2011, 12:42 AM   #9
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Food for thought.. By telling kids only mommy and daddy can touch there... What if mommy or daddy is actually abusing them and they think it's ok b/c you said only mommy and daddy.

So I try to tell my girls something like: your. Private areas (insert whatever you call it) are yours, and only yours. Nobody should be touching it, except you. If there's a problem, or it hurts, or you need help wiping, you can ask mommy or daddy to help you. Sometimes the doctor has to check your private areas, but that is only okay if mommy or daddy is there, and I will reassure you that it's ok for them to look. If anybody touches you, be sure to tell mommy or daddy and do not be afraid to tell then STOP and NO. And even if they tell you not to tell me, tell me anyway. I will protect you"

Or something along those lines. You get the point. I don't want my girls to think it's ok for anybody to touch them, even "safe" people. I hate to be over paranoid, but I rather be over paranoid then my kids think a safe person touching them is ok. Of course i trust all the safe people in their lives, but I'm sure so do many moms who've had their kids abused by someone "safe". I rather be extra cautious!
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Old 07-16-2011, 05:56 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by Mrs_Brady
Food for thought.. By telling kids only mommy and daddy can touch there... What if mommy or daddy is actually abusing them and they think it's ok b/c you said only mommy and daddy.

So I try to tell my girls something like: your. Private areas (insert whatever you call it) are yours, and only yours. Nobody should be touching it, except you. If there's a problem, or it hurts, or you need help wiping, you can ask mommy or daddy to help you. Sometimes the doctor has to check your private areas, but that is only okay if mommy or daddy is there, and I will reassure you that it's ok for them to look. If anybody touches you, be sure to tell mommy or daddy and do not be afraid to tell then STOP and NO. And even if they tell you not to tell me, tell me anyway. I will protect you"

Or something along those lines. You get the point. I don't want my girls to think it's ok for anybody to touch them, even "safe" people. I hate to be over paranoid, but I rather be over paranoid then my kids think a safe person touching them is ok. Of course i trust all the safe people in their lives, but I'm sure so do many moms who've had their kids abused by someone "safe". I rather be extra cautious!
Absolutely this.
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