Daddy needs suggestions

[Sha-nanagins]

Originally Posted by mel j That's a tough situation, for sure! I don't even totally agree with her methods for potty training... but I would not say he is "not ready" or that you should get pull-ups. I never used pull-ups for mine - I just let them run around with nothing on at home, while they were learning, actually... It is not impossible to try to make pottying fun and a way to spend time with you. While I don't agree with giving candy as a reward for using the potty, I do think you should continue to change him as soon as he wets himself, and gently encourage him that he doesn't have to wet himself, but can use the potty instead. You can take him to the bathroom when you go; young children like to imitate.

Sorry for the situation you are having to deal with right now.

I do agree that mommy has picked an awful time to start potty training - too much else going on. However, you mention that the situation is already difficult between you, and that she instituted the potty training without consulting you. I would suggest to you that if you do not go along with it, you may be opening yourself up to a charge that you are undermining her as a parent. (As far as the other issues of her badmouthing you in front of your child, I would strongly urge you to document everything - date, time, place and details - but that is another issue.)

If you don't want to deal with a major mess cleanup during the limited time you have with your son, why not try putting on a pull-up over his underwear? If he does have an accident, he'll still feel it with the cloth underpants next to his skin, but the pull-up will absorb the mess - should be no more difficult to clean up than changing a diaper.

God be with you, your ex, and most of all your little one during this difficult time.

[MeCo7707]

My LO is younger then yours but I have little potty seats all over my house I have one in the living room, one in the toy room, and one in the bedroom. No matter where we play there is a potty, having it present helps keep her aware, and while on the potty she usually continues playing without much interupttion. I then make dumping the potty a group activity as she flushes once I dump it and I sanatize it, then she "sanatizes" it after me (just because I do it she likes to too) So potty time is always something fun (but she also adores flushing the toilet). Hope you can find some sort of balance for fun time and limited daddy time, I understand how your LO must be having a hard time adjusting to have full time daddy to part time daddy

[bluedaisyma]

sorry you are going thru this!

I would suggest not fighting her on this point. It's not worth it in the long run. (I am divorced from my older kids' dad, and I used to be the only parent who did ANYTHING and now his new wife runs the show over there....and so in order to not lose my mind, I pick my battles!)

So this is what I would do, but take it with a grain of salt
Take him to the store on a fun outing, let him pick a potty for your house (and you can tell XW you have one now). Also let him pick up some training underwear to have there, and maybe even some pee targets. Make it a fun thing. Toddlers like to do stuff like that. Then, ask him where he wants it, etc. Then, when he gets there, be like, "hey buddy! I am so happy to see you! Oh man, I need to go potty, why don't you come and try to and you can tell me about your day" and then take him potty. (I always put my 13 mo old on the potty in front of me whenever I have to go and also after naps and in the morning). You can even sit on the big toilet and pretend to go, run some water, etc. If he doesn't go, no biggie. Go play, maybe take him mid-visit and right at the end. "mommy is going to be here, let's go potty real quick!". Let him have naked time, or just his undies and as soon as he starts to pee (easier to see if he's naked), tell him, "oh, you're peeing. Do you want to go to the potty?" and take him. Another thing is with the weather, maybe have a baby pool and be outside and you can tell when he pees better as well. Don't make it a big deal if it's not in the potty (not saying you are!!). Tonight, my son wanted to be naked and all of the sudden he slides off the couch and stood up and peed on the floor. He looked at me and I said, "you're peeing" and we went on about our business.
good luck!

[myclanof6]

Agreed with pp's, terrible timing. BUT since it's started, it should continue GENTLY. Great suggestion about getting a few potties for different rooms so you're never far from one. I used to get mine to sit on it while we read, played with cars, watched TV. If you are gentle but firm about it, he may do it more with you than with your ex. When mine had an accident I would ask them why they did it and tell them that they need to hurry to the potty before they thought they had to go. It also helped that I put cheerios in there for target practice I think. When they have lots of "accidents" it's because they want your attention. No, you do not need to make it a major issue at all when you spend that quality time with him, but consistency is the key. If he pees or poops on the floor, ask him why (the real answer is he doesn't want to have to stop playing), tell him where the pee goes and clean it up. Not a big deal.
Putting the padded trainers on is better than pull-ups, they can feel the wetness better. The extra padding helps to hold in the mess a little better.
Good luck and I hope that you both get through this situation with little or no scarring.