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Old 06-22-2011, 05:48 AM   #1
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Question Immigrant Mamas - how did you adapt in the US?

This question is for the people that came to the US through marriage, immigration etc. Just wondering - how did you adapt in the US, likes, dislikes?

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Old 07-11-2011, 10:37 AM   #2
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Re: Immigrant Mamas - how did you adapt in the US?

I am not an immigrant to the US (I am an American living abroad)...so I can't answer your questions, but I am curious to see what others say. Why don't you answer your own questions to get people started!
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Old 07-17-2011, 08:21 AM   #3
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Re: Immigrant Mamas - how did you adapt in the US?

I am not an immigrant mom, but my husband is. We've been here 3 years and I wouldn't say that he's adjusted. I think it would help if he had people from his country here that he could hang out with. He also has the added difficulty of not speaking English. I lived abroad for a few years and although I felt somewhat adjusted there's nothing like being home.

Probably the hardest thing about living in America is how distant people are and with a "dog-eat-dog" attitude. People cut in line, don't care if you are pregnant or old. No one greets you and asks how your doing. Outside of the big cities, you have to drive to get anywhere so you don't just hang out in a neighborhood square and meet others. Families are separated by large distances and mentally ill people don't have much support from society so you are more likely to have an uncomfortable experience with someone in public. People are just plain lonely and alienated here. But that's just my interpretation being an American who has lived abroad. And of course there are conveniences and positives but that's true of every place.
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Old 07-23-2011, 11:42 AM   #4
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Re: Immigrant Mamas - how did you adapt in the US?

I'm an immigrant Mom in the US. Moved here to marry in the 80's
Most of the time I have really loved living here, I have had good friends and a good job (sahm now) But the last few years, the distance from family has got to me, my mother has become widowed, my father and step father died within weeks of each other and I have a strong need to go home to help her and be near as she gets older (she's 71) My oldest has moved there and is working, he lives with grandma so I have an eye on her. Next Spring the second son will move there too. Then it's time Dh and I got up and moved with Dd. (we are all dual nationals so no visas needed)
Biggest gripes in the US.
Lack of paid vacation time compared to UK.
Worries about health care paying for it, and having it tied to a job, so you feel trapped with in that job. The cover you buy between jobs is more than our mortgage payment
Other than that it's what you make of it, same as anywhere else.
It is however a foreign country with it's own rules regulations and customs, no matter what any one tries to tell you. I still feel like a foreigner after all there years.
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Old 09-08-2011, 04:11 PM   #5
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Re: Immigrant Mamas - how did you adapt in the US?

Honestly, I haven't adapted, and probably never will. I'm waiting for my husband to get his U.S. citizenship, then we are both leaving. I hate the food quality (the fact that it is hard to find real food!) I hate how RUDE people can be over something as simple as name pronunciation. I hate the close-minded ignorance that comes with having a baby here I could go into a lot more, but I'll spare killing my reputation on this board. I feel like a fish out of water and I want to go back home.
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Old 09-09-2011, 07:23 AM   #6
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Re: Immigrant Mamas - how did you adapt in the US?

I think it is all personal perception much of what Kätzchen notes about the US I note about about living as an immigrant in Germany. Cultural differences are everywhere when things are outside our norm.

I am lonely and isolated. I find people to be very warm on the surface but very cold in general not interested in making friends. I find it to be darn near impossible to befriend a German and I have tried. I was once told if you want to be friends with a German woman have a child with one (or rather at the same time). The only friend I have is a woman from my birthing course. I am casual with a few of my husband friends and colleagues, but the only friends I have are also immigrants. And I speak and live integrated in German society.

At the same time, I love Germany and to be honest I do not think I will ever find peace because here I miss home and if I was home I miss here.

Rather on focusing on the differences. I realize that I am and always will be a immigrant. I can choose to dwell on things I hate, or I can sit in awe and amazement looking at the things I love.

I can be pissed that I have no ausbildung and cannot work, or I can be greatful to live in a country which has programs that enable me to stay home with my kids.
I can be mad that I cannot buy ready made foods I am accustomed to or foods I miss, or I can enjoy what they offer here.
I can be angry about everything, or I can accept. And I aim to look for the good and not the bad
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Old 09-09-2011, 07:24 AM   #7
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Re: Immigrant Mamas - how did you adapt in the US?

I think it is all personal perception much of what Kätzchen notes about the US I note about about living as an immigrant in Germany. Cultural differences are everywhere when things are outside our norm.

I am lonely and isolated. I find people to be very warm on the surface but very cold in general not interested in making friends. I find it to be darn near impossible to befriend a German and I have tried. I was once told if you want to be friends with a German woman have a child with one (or rather at the same time). The only friend I have is a woman from my birthing course. I am casual with a few of my husband friends and colleagues, but the only friends I have are also immigrants. And I speak and live integrated in German society.

At the same time, I love Germany and to be honest I do not think I will ever find peace because here I miss home and if I was home I miss here.

Rather on focusing on the differences. I realize that I am and always will be a immigrant. I can choose to dwell on things I hate, or I can sit in awe and amazement looking at the things I love.

I can be pissed that I have no ausbildung and cannot work, or I can be greatful to live in a country which has programs that enable me to stay home with my kids.
I can be mad that I cannot buy ready made foods I am accustomed to or foods I miss, or I can enjoy what they offer here.
I can be angry about everything, or I can accept. And I aim to look for the good and not the bad
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Old 09-09-2011, 09:27 AM   #8
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Re: Immigrant Mamas - how did you adapt in the US?

Our move back home is finally all planned out, if the it all falls into place.
Ds #2 goes to UK after graduation next Spring.
Then Dh and I clean out the house and put it up for sale, once we are sold up, we either move right away (if Ds has settled well) or rent for a few months (up to a year) then move.
Sadly the way housing is now, we may only get what we paid for this house way back in 93. This means we will not be able to buy a house for cash, mortgages are harder to get in UK now, so we probably will become renters. not what we wanted for our years heading to retirement, but at least we will be close to my Mother as she ages and to both sons, also to all of Dh's family.
Fingers crossed it all works out.
Poor Dh is spending all his time off clearing stuff out already, he's started working on both his boats to sell (or give away really) and has been emptying the attic of stored stuff too.
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