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[Ardenne]

Originally Posted by yellowitchgrl It's because for a lot of us it's not about the waiting or the money, it's about the death of our children, in my case 3 in the second trimester. It's hard for me to hear other women whine about something I would LOVE to be worried about. Instead I only worry about death. Vomitting, stretch marks, cravings, all that is trivial and meaningless to me and I wish like crazy I was in the position to worry about the trivial and meaningless.

Sarah. And yes, this is where I am, too. (Only 2 in the 2nd trimester, though, the other 2 earlier.)

[LaughingPeaMama]

But that is assuming that these moms have never experienced a loss. People aren't always open about loss and some women myself included try to focus on the here and now. I had a ruptured ectopic at 8 weeks and almost died. I never said my concerns were based on money or time. I am fully aware that each pregnancy is a joy and nothing is guaranteed but does that mean that I have to keep my mouth shut when I've thrown up for the umpteenth time or because I'm in horrible pain because if I don't suck it up and stay quiet then I mist be ungrateful or non aware of the fact that I'm lucky this baby made it another day? I understand wanting to be in the position of having pregnancy woes. I have been there. My babies are blessings that I never thought would come. I just think you(g) might me judging these women when you(g) really don't know the circumstances of the pregnancy.

[yellowitchgrl]

You absolutely have the right to complain. I have the right to be hurt when I read complaints. Such is life in a free country (which isn't to be flippant, it just is). Best wishes mama. You're so amazingly blessed.

[wordmama]

LaughingPeaMama - it's true that we can't know everyone's back story. And because of that, and out of respect for others, we contain our pain here, where it's safe to say that it drives us crazy sometimes.

This forum is a safe place for mamas who have hurting hearts. We can pour them out here without worrying that we'll offend anyone. I'm all for debates and playing devil's advocate, but here we just try to understand the pain behind a post and support one another through it.

Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum

[yellowitchgrl]

Agreed Lucy. This is our safe place to say these things so we're all a little unbending about it.

[Ardenne]

Yes, Lucy and Sarah -- that's it exactly. I'd never say anything rude to a mama who complained -- but if I express, here, that it hurts to hear those kinds of things, given what we've been through, I'd like this to be a safe haven.

[Love4leon]

Originally Posted by LaughingPeaMama Well I'm going to be the opposing side. We did IF treatments both times to get pregnant and spend buttloads of money on meds etc. While I was overjoyed to be pregnant and celebrated everything I still had moments of misery. More with this one than DD but still I am not sure we have a right to tell moms they can't whine a little. Isn't getting to whine and be waited on a part of being pregnant? It doesn't mean they aren't super happy about the baby. The gender thing I will never understand because I never had this super huge desire to have a specific gender but to each their own. It confuses me when people ask if I'm happy or upset to be having a boy or girl etc but I just blow them off. I have experienced excrutiating back and sciatic nerve pain during pregnancy....to the point that I cannot walk and am in tears. It doesn't change the fact that I love every moment of that pregnancy but I still needed someone to listen to me, otherwise I felt alone and the pain overwhelmed me. I guess I just don't believe it is fair to judge anyone's pregnancy and whether they are greatful for the baby or not because they whine about normal pregnancy complaints.

Oh I understand and I think people can complain, but like others said, this is the section for struggles. Here we are supportive of each other- when we find out close friends are pregnant and we have jealousy gnawing at us. I had a bad day when I posted, came here to find support, but first scrolled down past the due dates section and the thread highlighted was about feeling fat, and I instantly felt that same jealousy. It's what it is. I am so very grateful for the Struggles and Support thread.

I completely see your point, and appreciate you bringing it up, and really- I can complain to my husband or close family and friends in person. Because as with everything on the internet- sometimes things are better done off of the internet. Sorry if my post offended you. It was certainly not my intention at all.

[HeatherlovesCDs]

Originally Posted by wordmama LaughingPeaMama - it's true that we can't know everyone's back story. And because of that, and out of respect for others, we contain our pain here, where it's safe to say that it drives us crazy sometimes. This forum is a safe place for mamas who have hurting hearts. We can pour them out here without worrying that we'll offend anyone. I'm all for debates and playing devil's advocate, but here we just try to understand the pain behind a post and support one another through it. Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum

Absolutely!

IMO, in this part of the board, if you don't feel the same way, either just say you are sorry they are feeling that or skip it altogether. On this board, we are not here to debate each other's feelings. We are here to validate them, listen to them and give support. IF emotions are all over the place. They are all valid and all normal. We deserve to be able to express them just as much as the woman who needs to complain does. We do not need people making us feel guilty for our emotions on top of everything we are feeling.

Rebecca - Please don't feel you can't share here. It is what this board is for.

[canadianbakers]

*lurker posting, apologies*

I stumbled in here the other day and I gotta say I'm so glad to have seen this thread and the original post before it was deleted. It's a relief to know that there are other mamas feeling the same way - having a really hard time listening to the little complaints and whatnot in the dd groups, and just wishing to be pregnant no matter the sickness/pain/whatnot that may come with it.
Please, OP, don't feel bad about posting that or offending anyone. Obviously (I've read the chat thread as well ) this place is for these feelings/vents/rants, and for getting support and for them. Not for someone to come in and say you shouldn't feel that way.

I've been feeling really angry/upset with someone from an old dd group myself. She's pregnant again, which is wonderful for her don't get me wrong, but she's been griping and whining the whole pregnancy about needing to know what the gender is. She got an u/s at 16wks just to find out. Which didn't work, baby had its legs crossed. Cue another 5wks of whining about how she can't stand it, she's so upset about not finding out, she doesn't know how she'll get through the pregnancy not knowing.
WTF?! Seriously?!! All this at the same time that I'm having m/c's. Can she seriously not see how stupid that is? I'd give ANYTHING to be pregnant and NOT EVER FIND OUT GENDER. Who cares about gender?! Just a healthy baby. That's all that matters.
is how I've been feeling for weeks listening to her. Can't stand it.

FTR, she was able to find out gender at a later u/s. I did say congrats to her, though I haven't been able to reply nicely to anything else she's posted about it. But really, even with saying congrats, I really just want to say "thank god, now you can stop whining about not knowing". I know.