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Old 10-03-2011, 11:30 AM   #31
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Re: "Bribing" for affection - too sensitive, or just let it go?

Yeah, I think you should say something. My MIL doesn't bribe with affection, but she has in the past tried to push DD1 into hugging or kissing her and I told her she had to quit. She has, and now DD1 will hug/kiss willingly.

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Old 10-03-2011, 12:28 PM   #32
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Re: "Bribing" for affection - too sensitive, or just let it go?

Hm. I expect polite behavior. When you walk into someone's house or someone comes in, you say hi. Same for bye when they leave. When someone asks a question I expect an answer. I don't expect my kids to hug and kiss whoever wants one. A handshake or a wave is acceptable alternative to me. That said, DS1 is very kissy. If he refuses, then I usually say, how about a high 5 instead? Or a fist bump? Because those are other things he loves to do. I intervene without doing it in a way that takes control of his body away from my son or allows disrespect or hurt feelings of those who love him.

Although I do think your mil was being childish. I wouldn't have said anything other than to offer an alternative like I mentioned. She'll learn soon enough that it doesn't work to be pouty with kids.

eta: I personally have a large personal bubble and will allow the same for my kids. I'm just not a naturally huggy person aside from my sister or kids. Or dh.

Last edited by misskira; 10-03-2011 at 12:31 PM.
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Old 10-03-2011, 12:37 PM   #33
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Re: "Bribing" for affection - too sensitive, or just let it go?

We do not make our kids hug/kiss/sit with/etc. anyone if they don't want to. However, they are expected to be kind. So if someone asks for a five and they don't want to give one, they don't have to, but they do have to say hello or something along those lines. I let things go for the most part bc DS is pretty easy going. But I've also only ever had a couple people really try to force something, and during those, I've normally just swooped in and pulled something like "Hey Jack, do you need to go potty? Let's go try!" or "Come on sweet girl, let's go nurse!" Normally, it's a little bit obvious, so they get the hint, but it's not awkward to them.

ETA: I would do something about the "Well fine, then I won't play with you!" comment though. I'd probably be a bit passive aggressive and hope she got the hint. "Oh that's not very nice huh son? Come over here, I'll play with you!" If she said something, I'd be honest about it. That comments like that teach kids it's okay to be mean when you don't get your way.
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Old 10-03-2011, 01:22 PM   #34
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Re: "Bribing" for affection - too sensitive, or just let it go?

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Originally Posted by Sha-nanagins View Post
But I thought, what kind of ridiculous, immature, manipulative behavior is that? I wouldn't let my children pull that kind of "Do what I want, or I won't play with you" crap with their friends, so should I seriously allow an adult to do that to my kids?
No kidding. That's really childish and would really tork me off. This time I would let it go. Think about how to phrase your thoughts in a respectful and understanding manner should it happen again. I think if this kind of thing happens with her again/often it is something that would have a negative effect on him. I'm sorry, but grandmothers who pout and whine about "well fine I won't play with you"........???? ugh!
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