Diaper Swappers

lovermuffin · 10-27-2011, 09:42 PM

I wanted to move this topic to a new thread so I didn't hijack the 1st appt thread. Hope you don't mind.

I think I agree with Janelle in her comment in the 1st appt thread.. I think I was just finding an excuse to channel my frustration with her that is NON MW related and more friend related. Let me explain. She is a sweet lady and she is a midwife to alot of CDing mom in town. Well, not alot. There are like 10 of us in my town. They get together every week at a park and have been doing this for years. Anyways, she has been friends with these ladies for a long time. I have only been in the picture for a few months. I knew about the group long ago but never came. So when I go to the play date at the park and the kids play and the moms get to talk. Her and a few of the girls have their "inside jokes" and they talk alot about things that happened years ago. It kinda makes me feel left out. It is all great to have those stories and reminisce but when there are others in the group who have no idea what you are talking about and you talk about these inside jokes, etc the WHOLE playdate. Well, how fun is that for us? Not fun at all.

Mainly, it is three of them that just chat and chat and chat the whole time. One lady has a husband that is pro-circ and pro-vaccine. She is anti both of them. So she talks a lot about her husband and what he says when they argue about this topic, etc. I don't know her husband or their situation so I feel so out of place and not really qualified to give my opinion.

One story that they ALWAYS laugh at is something about a lady and her husband went skinny dipping when they all went camping years ago and the other campers saw them naked. While the story is super funny. I wasn't there. It is not as funny to me as it is to them. Tell the story once but do we have to talk about it all the TIME!

Again, this is something that sounds soo silly and immature for me to be so upset about. But it really bothers me. I want to feel apart of the group and I don't. This has put a large barrier between us and it has caused me to not be able to have the relationship that I wish I did with her. If she is going to be my MW, I want to really get to know her! She seems to be able to connect with other ladies in the group, but I feel like she talks down to me every time she talks to me. Like, I am super unknowledgeable and dumb.

Is any of this even making sense? Is this a real concern or am I being just a super over dramatic pregnant lady? I think I am just rambling. DH is gone tonight at a rodeo and I am bored! :P

KatrinaLoves · 10-28-2011, 06:23 AM

:-(

Fire her trash. If any of the other moms give you trouble about it, just point to her unreliability when getting back to you. Make it sound, as I'm sure it is, like it was a very difficult decision because "you liked her so much". No matter how sweet and otherwise capable she seems, why would you want a MW you couldn't rely on? A little white lie, to keep from alienating the group, wouldn't hurt.

Either way, I really hope you find something that works for you, and that the other moms are understanding of it.

bigmamakelsey · 10-28-2011, 09:35 AM

If you don't have a connection with your midwife, start interviewing other midwives. A good relationship with your care provider is critical, IMO. You have to have someone you can trust and that you feel comfortable around.

janelle525 · 10-28-2011, 10:54 AM

I didn't realize you knew her already, hm.. that changes things a bit! since I know my midwife now, I mean from being friends on facebook and her being at my birth I will expect a little more care this time around for sure. Tough decision!

lovermuffin · 10-28-2011, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by janelle525

I didn't realize you knew her already, hm.. that changes things a bit! since I know my midwife now, I mean from being friends on facebook and her being at my birth I will expect a little more care this time around for sure. Tough decision!

I am FB friends with her too. I feel so bad but I don't feel like I have a good connection with her.

She emailed me back and gave me some info like she said she would but she is going to CA today and would be available to talk on the phone only at 4pm today.

topherellajones · 10-28-2011, 06:16 PM

Yes a good trusting relationship is a MUST .. That's why I am sticking with my OB that delivered my son ..

10-27-2011, 09:42 PM	#1
lovermuffin Registered Users Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 957 Ratings: 15 Feedback: 100%	Frustration with my MW I wanted to move this topic to a new thread so I didn't hijack the 1st appt thread. Hope you don't mind. I think I agree with Janelle in her comment in the 1st appt thread.. I think I was just finding an excuse to channel my frustration with her that is NON MW related and more friend related. Let me explain. She is a sweet lady and she is a midwife to alot of CDing mom in town. Well, not alot. There are like 10 of us in my town. They get together every week at a park and have been doing this for years. Anyways, she has been friends with these ladies for a long time. I have only been in the picture for a few months. I knew about the group long ago but never came. So when I go to the play date at the park and the kids play and the moms get to talk. Her and a few of the girls have their "inside jokes" and they talk alot about things that happened years ago. It kinda makes me feel left out. It is all great to have those stories and reminisce but when there are others in the group who have no idea what you are talking about and you talk about these inside jokes, etc the WHOLE playdate. Well, how fun is that for us? Not fun at all. Mainly, it is three of them that just chat and chat and chat the whole time. One lady has a husband that is pro-circ and pro-vaccine. She is anti both of them. So she talks a lot about her husband and what he says when they argue about this topic, etc. I don't know her husband or their situation so I feel so out of place and not really qualified to give my opinion. One story that they ALWAYS laugh at is something about a lady and her husband went skinny dipping when they all went camping years ago and the other campers saw them naked. While the story is super funny. I wasn't there. It is not as funny to me as it is to them. Tell the story once but do we have to talk about it all the TIME! Again, this is something that sounds soo silly and immature for me to be so upset about. But it really bothers me. I want to feel apart of the group and I don't. This has put a large barrier between us and it has caused me to not be able to have the relationship that I wish I did with her. If she is going to be my MW, I want to really get to know her! She seems to be able to connect with other ladies in the group, but I feel like she talks down to me every time she talks to me. Like, I am super unknowledgeable and dumb. Is any of this even making sense? Is this a real concern or am I being just a super over dramatic pregnant lady? I think I am just rambling. DH is gone tonight at a rodeo and I am bored! :P __________________ Nikki* wifey to Randy and SAHM to Kiera 10/29/10, missing my angel baby 06/11, and cautiously expecting another sweet baby June '12.

10-28-2011, 06:23 AM	#2
KatrinaLoves Registered Users Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Western Washington Posts: 975 Ratings: 16 Feedback: 100%	Re: Frustration with my MW :-( Fire her trash. If any of the other moms give you trouble about it, just point to her unreliability when getting back to you. Make it sound, as I'm sure it is, like it was a very difficult decision because "you liked her so much". No matter how sweet and otherwise capable she seems, why would you want a MW you couldn't rely on? A little white lie, to keep from alienating the group, wouldn't hurt. Either way, I really hope you find something that works for you, and that the other moms are understanding of it. __________________ Married 03.06 to the cutest man I know: Soldier by day, CrossFit instructor by night. Loving our rainbow twins, Sullivan and Benjamin (5.12) Parenting consistently and in love is all the matters. Your label or philosophy won't raise good children, your example will.

10-28-2011, 09:35 AM	#3
bigmamakelsey Registered Users Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Montana Posts: 9,527 Ratings: 159 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Frustration with my MW If you don't have a connection with your midwife, start interviewing other midwives. A good relationship with your care provider is critical, IMO. You have to have someone you can trust and that you feel comfortable around. __________________ K&K My little firecracker Lennon 10.09, crying before he fully emerged and My little sweetheart Indi 6.12, born smiling

10-28-2011, 10:54 AM	#4
janelle525 Registered Users Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Omaha, NE Posts: 93 Ratings: 7 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Frustration with my MW I didn't realize you knew her already, hm.. that changes things a bit! since I know my midwife now, I mean from being friends on facebook and her being at my birth I will expect a little more care this time around for sure. Tough decision!

10-28-2011, 06:16 PM	#6
topherellajones Registered Users Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Magnolia, Texas Posts: 573 Ratings: 27 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Frustration with my MW Yes a good trusting relationship is a MUST .. That's why I am sticking with my OB that delivered my son .. __________________ Christi , Happily married to M since 10/2005 Bedsharing, babywearing, non-circing, cloth diapering Momma to A since 11/17/2009 & E since 5/31/2012