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Old 10-26-2011, 01:28 PM   #1
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help me give advice to a friend

One of my best friends just gave birth to kiddo #3. She breastfeed #1 for about 6 months then #2 for about a month. both times she stopped due to low supply. now she says she wants to bf #3 and wants my advice.
Problem is that when my DS was newborn and going through the wake-up-every-hour-or-so-to-nurse phase she and her husband advised us to just have DH give a bottle at night. So I know that part of her problem is not quite getting the whole you-need-to-nurse-more-to-build-your-supply-to-keep-up-with-the-demand thing. But I'm not quite sure how to tell her this tactfully. She already thinks I'm a bit for the whole CD thing, and I don't want to appear preachy (after all she has 2 kids already and I have only 8 months experience). I've already suggested she see a LC, and she said no thanks. Any advice on how to tactfully give her advice? Thanks!

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Old 10-26-2011, 01:46 PM   #2
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Re: help me give advice to a friend

I would probably point her to Kellymom.com, especially the sections about building and maintaining a supply.
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Old 10-26-2011, 01:51 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pagodagirl
One of my best friends just gave birth to kiddo #3. She breastfeed #1 for about 6 months then #2 for about a month. both times she stopped due to low supply. now she says she wants to bf #3 and wants my advice.
Problem is that when my DS was newborn and going through the wake-up-every-hour-or-so-to-nurse phase she and her husband advised us to just have DH give a bottle at night. So I know that part of her problem is not quite getting the whole you-need-to-nurse-more-to-build-your-supply-to-keep-up-with-the-demand thing. But I'm not quite sure how to tell her this tactfully. She already thinks I'm a bit for the whole CD thing, and I don't want to appear preachy (after all she has 2 kids already and I have only 8 months experience). I've already suggested she see a LC, and she said no thanks. Any advice on how to tactfully give her advice? Thanks!
Even though you're only got 8 months experience that's more than she has with all 3 kids!! I would just explain how the breasts produce milk and the whole science behind it. It may open her eyes to the reason she always had "low supply" in the past. Just tell her that if the breast go longer than 3-4 hours without being emptied that production slows, if the breasts are emptied frequently, production speeds up. It's simple. If she's one for terms you could explain the lactocytes(sp?).
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Old 10-27-2011, 04:55 PM   #4
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Re: help me give advice to a friend

yeah, I'm just leary of the whole "well you wouldn't understand how hard it is to be up all night with 2 other kids..." I guess I just don't know how to balance being supportive and not coming across as preachy or condesending
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Old 10-27-2011, 06:41 PM   #5
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Re: help me give advice to a friend

She asked for your advice...I'd just give it to her and try not to worry about how she takes it or what she does with it. She might learn something and change, or....not.

I had something similar happen with a friend who had a baby after me- she had problems BFing and I told her everything that had helped me and that I learned, but in the end she didn't keep up her supply and ended up F******. It made me really sad because she has several health problems in her family that can be minimized or avoided by breastfeeding, but it was her decision and I just didn't talk to her much about it afterwards.
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Old 10-27-2011, 06:50 PM   #6
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Re: help me give advice to a friend

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Originally Posted by VeganCupcake View Post
I would probably point her to Kellymom.com, especially the sections about building and maintaining a supply.
Great idea and maybe LLL.
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Old 10-27-2011, 06:59 PM   #7
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Re: help me give advice to a friend

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Originally Posted by pagodagirl View Post
yeah, I'm just leary of the whole "well you wouldn't understand how hard it is to be up all night with 2 other kids..." I guess I just don't know how to balance being supportive and not coming across as preachy or condesending
Its a hard balance... Like a PP said, though, she asked you. I'd go about it like "Hey, I know it must be challenging with 3 kiddos... (Empathy really helps people feel like you are on their level and not talking down to them)" Then I'd explain to her about milk production: "This is how milk production works and these are some things that can cause low supply. If you find yourself struggling with a low supply, there are things you can do to build it back up. Here is a website that you might find helpful when you have questions (insert kellymom.com)." And then I'd encourage her that breastfeeding is not "all or nothing" so she can adjust it to whatever she feels like she can manage. Then I'd say something like: "Do you wanna talk about the challenges you are having and maybe we could figure out some solutions or ideas that might help you?" You could also talk to her about all the benefits of breastfeeding for both her and baby which might give her some encouragement to stick to her goal, if she is really wanting to make breastfeeding happen with this LO. GL! Let us know how it goes!
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Old 10-27-2011, 07:10 PM   #8
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LLL, kellymom, and ds! And like others have said, she is asking for your advice, so answer honestly. =)
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Old 10-27-2011, 08:05 PM   #9
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Re: help me give advice to a friend

thanks guys. We're headed over to see her and the new LO tomorrow and bring them dinner, so I'll check in with her then. She was really interested in my herbs before, thinking they would solve her supply issues. And indeed, taking them has really been helpful to me (I work 60-100 hours per week and so pump A LOT) but the problem is I just don't think herbs will solve her problem, which after talking with her I think centers around not feeding on demand.
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Old 10-28-2011, 11:02 PM   #10
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Re: help me give advice to a friend

visited with my friend and her adorable baby tonight (makes my ovaries hurt and my DS is only 8 months old!)
She is pumping and bf and so far seems to be going ok.
but ended up not talking much more about it because her parents were there, and my her 2 other kiddos hate to eat, and my DS is an eater (we do baby led weaning, and he pretty much will try anything and be happy about it). So at dinner my LO was happily gnawing on green beans and all her parents did the whole time was tell her how great it was that my son was eating and why weren't her kids eating... just seemed like it wasn't the right time.
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