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Old 09-12-2011, 10:52 AM   #21
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

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Thanks everyone...seriously. I appreciate everyone's response. And we are a Christian family, however DH basically refuses to go to church LOL. But I think it's more in laziness than anything else. I go when I have the strength to drag our four kids (two of which are 2 and under ) around by myself.

I feel pretty badly about calling DH a loser. He expressed to me this weekend he feels like he might be depressed. I'm not sure what to do about it. We have no insurance for him and even if we did sign up again, there would be a one year period before they would cover office visits or medication for depression since he has been treated for it before.

He has applied 2 places over the weekend, one being Wendy's so he is trying. I'm not going to harp on him because I know he feels badly about his behavior but I am going to make sure he keeps applying...even if I do it for him I love DH madly and I hate that he has been such a slacker lately. I myself hate busting my tail all the time. It makes me super irritable especially when it comes to bedtime with my youngest two and I would rather spend that time cuddling and loving on them than yelling at them about NOT going to sleep :/ Ugh...
Ah, well depression makes perfect sense, and it can be as hard on those around the person as the person suffering. I suggest getting him to the local community services board/free clinic to be seen. An anti-depressant can make a world of difference in this sort of situation (and many are so affordable right now at $10 for 3 months). Feel free to PM me if you'd like help finding resources, or just to talk (I'm up the road in Charlottesville and work for the local community services board here as a mental health specialist).

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Old 09-13-2011, 09:11 AM   #22
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

Thanks for the PM Tideseeker
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Old 09-13-2011, 01:51 PM   #23
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

Your situation sounds EXACTLY like my brother-in-law. They have 4, well just had their 5th, kids, he works for my father-in-law, and he NEVER goes to work! It drives my SIL crazy! They found out he was depressed and when he finally got on some meds he was a whole lot better! I'm not saying that meds will fix all, but they certainly do help! I would first try everything you could to get him seen somewhere by a doc/clinic before you make any decisions about your marriage. God bless! oh ya, AND they live in VA! lol
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Old 09-15-2011, 02:32 PM   #24
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

Sounds like you're doing A LOT of work and he needs to cowboy up and contribute. He sounds depressed and it's holding him back or there's some other underlying reason. The suggestions to speak to him one on one are great and really let him know that your marriage is on the line so if it's important to him he needs to contribute financially, emotionally, physically and every other way grown adults do in a working relationship.

Susun Weed has some great herbal (and cost effective) suggestions for depression. Motherwort tincture has helped me with PPD and it's easy to make (directions on her website). You can also buy it from Herb Pharm and it's about ten dollars or so.

Last edited by darbycrash; 09-15-2011 at 02:43 PM. Reason: wrong info add'l info
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Old 09-16-2011, 08:40 AM   #25
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

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Ah, well depression makes perfect sense, and it can be as hard on those around the person as the person suffering. I suggest getting him to the local community services board/free clinic to be seen. An anti-depressant can make a world of difference in this sort of situation (and many are so affordable right now at $10 for 3 months). Feel free to PM me if you'd like help finding resources, or just to talk (I'm up the road in Charlottesville and work for the local community services board here as a mental health specialist).


THIS! ITA...when a man slips into depression (I'm not saying I'm RIGHT, just this was my experience ), he loses major motivation to get up and go. To go look for jobs, to be a provider for his family, and that further slips into a gap in communication with his spouse - therefore creating tension in the marriage. Yes there's laziness, and it shouldn't necesarily be there - however It's hard to dig deep down into a man who has crossed over to the dark side and really down about things. It's like they just shut down and we (spouses) and sometimes they themselves don't even realize it...all we can see are huge circumstancial problems, one right after the other - without knowing the root cause. Tensions ignored only widen the gap for communication problems...nagging isn't needed..just one on one quiet conversation - no raised attitudes (he said she said, or I think you're a loser, you should be a better man than this, etc.) It sounds like you are beginning to find out some key issues behind why he's acting the way he is and that's a great thing.

My ex husband slipped into a bad depression and to make it worse was battling with bipolar but needed medical treatment. He went through a period of not working and I had to work full time and take care of both boys by myself basically and it was ROUGH. At that time his bipolar was officially 'undiagnosed' and untreated....he only went to get help after we separated/started divorce process. BUT - we didn't divorce due to his slacking off, not providing etc....I would have very much stayed with him and worked through that. I divorced him because he begin intimate relations with other women and that in my book I could not stay married to him.

I'm a christian believer, however after going through counseling myself during our seperation period...Prayer alone isn't always enough. I believe God puts professionals, psychologists, counselors, etc on this place for a reason. No one should ever be put to shame for seeking help through these kind of services...that is THEIR job, their specialty. My counselor was able to allow me to speak openly and freely about many things - things I could never discuss with my family (too private imo). But even though I was strong about continuing the divorce because of the cheating, I still needed to be able and process some things and get help for ME as an individual. It can only help IMO. And at the time it was free through a particular public service.


I also know after the divorce was final and he was no longer covered my my health insurance, that he was directed to something in our community where he was able to get his depression and bipolar meds at a HUGELY discounted rate...and he goes for treatment or something like that ever so often.

Many hugs..I know it is tough but my advice would at least be to try and work on things first.
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Old 11-17-2011, 01:28 AM   #26
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Re: DH is really irritating me...sometimes I wonder if it's worth it!!

Just going to say Wendy's may not sound like a great job but there can be a great future in fast food. I knew a woman who became a general manager of Mcdonalds . She started at 16. By the time she was 32 she was running one of the best run Mcdonalds in the state. Pay and insurance can be really good when you get to the higher levels.

I agree with getting help if possible for depression. My husband went through a period of time similar to what yours is going through. He did pull through and is now working a good job for the last 6 years.
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