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Old 12-05-2011, 06:58 PM   #11
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Re: Stop trying to make him talk....

What's funny to me is that I have the same problems and there's nothing going on with my daughter that would make her unable to talk other than extreme shyness. But it makes me so angry sometimes when people try to force her to talk. It's clear she's uncomfortable and scared and doesn't want to speak, so why would you try to force her? She's not even 4 yet. She's capable of speech and I don't "baby her" but she's very shy and takes a long time to warm up to people. Once she gets there, woooo baby, watch out! She can talk a blue streak. But she's so extremely shy that she won't speak and no one quite understands that. She told a little boy in her preschool class that she could zip up her jacket all by herself last week(she's very proud of this recent skill) and he looked at her in shock and said, "I didn't know you could talk!" She's been with these kids for 3 months now and they've not heard her speak. That's how shy she is. So why would someone try to force a child THAT shy to speak?

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Old 12-09-2011, 01:03 PM   #12
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Re: Stop trying to make him talk....

Oh do I know where you are coming from. Our son Trey is Autistic and the specialist think he will never talk. He does know ASL though and that's fine with us. If he talks one day, great, but if he doesn't then it's no skin off my back. He's knows and understands Sign and that works for us. You can't force someone to do something they can't do or doesn't want to do.
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Old 12-09-2011, 04:27 PM   #13
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Re: Stop trying to make him talk....

The other mamas had some great suggestions. I just wanted to offer ! I can't believe she said that to you. It is so hard. I even had my son's doctor (well a doctor at his pediatric practice - not the one we usually see) say that he should be able to tell me what's hurting him by this age. I had to remind/point out to him that DS has a speech delay (and maybe autism) and then he looked at the chart again. I can't believe they don't read that before they come in to interact with a child. When strangers try to talk to DS and ask him questions, I generally just tell them right away "he's not much of a talker yet". I have never had anyone say something so rude to me as that woman said to you though. Hang in there! And good luck with your early intervention. DS had EI services and now received preschool services through our county and it has made a big difference. He is 3 1/2 and finally calling me "mama."
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Old 12-12-2011, 08:12 AM   #14
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My 2.5 yr old doesn't talk much, he's in speech and he's saying more stuff then he did before. But his pedi said the reason he doesn't talk is because he's lazy and signs instead. That I needed to stop answering him when he signs and tell him to talk. Smh, if only he would repeat but he doesn't.
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Old 12-12-2011, 11:31 AM   #15
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Re: Stop trying to make him talk....

Thankfully, I have never had to deal with that. DS1 is in speech therapy. DS2 seems to be a bit behind, but he is due to get tubes this month. I notice he is the same age as yours.

I am not sure how I would have handled it, other than walking away when I saw my LO getting uncomfortable. You can't control other people, mama. I'm sorry it upset him so much.
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Old 12-12-2011, 04:25 PM   #16
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Re: Stop trying to make him talk....

I wouldn't have been so kind.
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Old 12-18-2011, 10:34 PM   #17
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Re: Stop trying to make him talk....

Garrr. So sorry you had to deal with that.

My mother was a Speech Language Pathologist, and specialized in Childhood Language Development. She made a lot of effort to help people understand the difference between language skills (which is that the language center in the brain is working), and speech skills (which is like walking or running -- it's a motor skill that requires muscle coordination in the mouth). Lots of times, a child who does not "speak" much has plenty of language going on.

Has anyone suggested "baby" sign? It's a great way to bridge the gap between when a kiddo starts to understand language, and when the speech skills come in. My 19 month old has a ton of "words" but his speech seems to be behind most kids his age. I can understand him, but nobody else can. So he knows to talk to me, but use his signs with other people.

I bet that woman has some messed up kids, huh? If she thinks everything is a matter of training ...
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Old 12-31-2011, 03:54 PM   #18
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Re: Stop trying to make him talk....

It is so hard as a parent when people can't physically see a problem, so just assume everything is ok and get demanding toward a child when they have no business doing so!
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Old 01-02-2012, 07:06 PM   #19
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Re: Stop trying to make him talk....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimmyann View Post
I wouldn't have been so kind.
me either. My DS2 has speech delays, along with possible SPD and aspbergers. We are not making a formal diagnosis until 3ish, but it is on the radar. We went from 0 words at 18 months to a few signs and a few words at 22 months.
My in-laws CONSTANTLY try to get him to talk or they try to pick him up and then he loses it. We had a coming to jesus moment with them at Christmas because they were pushing and pushing him after we told them to knock it off. DS2 got really antsy and clingy, which resulted in the ' if you just keep babying him, he is never going to talk' comment. UGH some people just suck
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Old 01-09-2012, 07:21 PM   #20
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Re: Stop trying to make him talk....

I have dealt with some of this over the years as well. I've had two drs tell me that my ds's eating problems could be resolved with "more discipline" and the tone was not well received. I had a dr suggest family therapy for anger issues because I kept insisting to her that my ds was having some problems with his bowel and she kept refusing me a referral to a pede gastro...I guess therapy would make all her patients families more docile and accepting of their concerns being dismissed. (the gastro really helped btw).

I've had great grandparents insist that he would eat if I "made him" and I've had to redirect conversations where people wanted to talk about his progress in front of him in hushed tones as if he were dying and not right there listening.

I've also had people try too hard to be accommodating to what they feel an ASD kiddo would be like and just end up being rude in their attempts.
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